Is Chantix Turkey a Threat to Aflac Duck?
Hollywood, CA. The first polls are in, and the Aflac Duck may be in trouble. The Chantix Turkey has temporarily replaced him as the most popular television commercial animal. Chantix has even created a spot for the turkey on the company's homepage -...
Read full storyMohammed Bin Salman and team incoming to Belmarsh
UK authorities have been pleased to announce further assistance on its most famous inmate at Belmarsh Prison, Julian Assange. Saudi Arabia’s MBS arrived yesterday, smiling, with a hand-picked team. These assistants have recently been identified...
Read full storySpot Checks Ordered As Uncircumcised Druids Banned From Stonehenge
Stonehenge, UK - (Spotty Ass Mess): Confusion reigns ahead of Friday’s Stonehenge Summer Solstice commemorations following a suspected outbreak of neolithic genital herpes among local Druid folk. The annual parade is traditionally marked by the d...
Read full story21st June, the Longest Day, the invasion of France.
White House, Washington: Donald Trump has made a special announcement. “Tomorrow, is the longest day, on the 21st June. As we all know, the documentary film by Daniel Zanuck, also called the Longest Day, shows how John Wayne parachuted in and st...
Read full storyIran Retaliates: Drone Shot Down In Response To Sidewinder Camel Attack
BILLINGSGATE POST: In the asymmetric battle between Iran and the United States, Iran shot down a RQ-4 Global Hawk in retaliation for the Sidewinder attack which took out 63 dromedaries earlier this week. This unmanned drone - which cost American tax...
Read full storyCrack Cocaine Worth 75p Seized In Drugs Haul
Police have made a drugs bust in the northern port city of Hull, and believe they may have smashed a vital cog in the distribution of narcotics in East Yorkshire. A 24-year-old man riding a decrepit, old bicycle through the Orchard Park council es...
Read full storyTory Leadership Race To Be Decided In Strictly Come Dancing Dance-off
As Boris Johnson attempts to shake off the challenges of his fellow Tory MPs, Jeremy Hunt, and Michael Gove, news has emerged from 10 Downing Street that the winner from the 'final three' will be decided by the nation in a Strictly Come Dancing dance...
Read full storyScone Polo wins Cartier Queen’s Cup on coincidence
Weirdo News: Scone Polo added their name to the Cartier Queen’s Cup bypassing a scandal. The team delivered a strong performance on The Queen’s Ground at Guards Polo Club in an unusual manner based on a new rule. Laurence Feniou was allowed to...
Read full storyHomo Sapien Objects to Being Treated like an Animal
Carl Freeman, a 43-year-old Homo sapien inhabiting Nashville, Tennessee, objected to being treated like an animal at the Amazon shipping center where he works. "Management sees us as mere commodities," said an irate Carl regarding the attitude the...
Read full storyShrekli Had Prices of Pharmaceutical Products to Reduce World Population, As Well As Other Insurance Companies
It is rumored that Martin Shrekli raised the prices of pharmaceutical products to lessen the total world population, being part of a secret organization that shares the same views as he does. Raising the prices of pills that prevented amenable mo...
Read full storyTory leadership candidate drops his pants during debate
Controversial Tory leadership candidate William Anchor stunned viewers yesterday when he suddenly dropped his pants during a BBC live television debate. Host, Beth Spankmequickly ignored the stunt, politely asking bookies’ favourite Chuck Karloff...
Read full storyMan Decides To Become A Qualified Accountant, But Then...
Aimlessly perusing an online news website, this morning, a man was confronted with an advertisement that invited him to become a Qualified Accountant, so he decided he would look further into the lucrative prospect. Moys Kenwood, 55, quickly cli...
Read full storyReparations Hearing Uproar; Slaveholder Progeny Demand Compensation
Capitol Hill became Capitol Hell for a few minutes today when a House judiciary subcommittee on slave reparations turned into a mad house as two unexpected groups stormed the hearing room, demanding compensation. First, the rowdy descendants of To...
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