Reparations Hearing Uproar; Slaveholder Progeny Demand Compensation

Funny story written by Ralph E. Shaffer

Thursday, 20 June 2019

Capitol Hill became Capitol Hell for a few minutes today when a House judiciary subcommittee on slave reparations turned into a mad house as two unexpected groups stormed the hearing room, demanding compensation.

First, the rowdy descendants of Tory Loyalists were expelled from the hearing by chairman Jerry Nadler when they angrily demanded two billion dollars for the property their ancestors lost in the American Revolution - see earlier Spoof news article. Then the "Sons and Daughters of Slaveholders" marched noisily into the room, interrupted the proceedings, and demanded two TRILLION dollars for the loss of slaves during and after the Civil War.

When Nadler pointed out that section 4 of the 14th Amendment prohibited compensation for the loss of slaves, a spokesman for the slaveholder group argued that the amendment was illegally enacted and therefore void.

It is quite possible a conservative majority of the Supreme Court would agree in a 5-4 victory for the slaveholder descendants. That would also invalidate all the other provisions of the 14th, particularly civil rights laws.

One Republican member of Nadler's committee told The Spoof anonymously, that reparations to descendants of slaves might also be banned by section 4, since it prohibits federal or state compensation for the emancipation of any slave.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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