Shrekli Had Prices of Pharmaceutical Products to Reduce World Population, As Well As Other Insurance Companies

Written by E. Colten

Thursday, 20 June 2019

image for Shrekli Had Prices of Pharmaceutical Products to Reduce World Population, As Well As Other Insurance Companies
It's all ogre now

It is rumored that Martin Shrekli raised the prices of pharmaceutical products to lessen the total world population, being part of a secret organization that shares the same views as he does.

Raising the prices of pills that prevented amenable mortalities by hundreds or thousands of times the original price, put them far above what most people could pay, or even be motivated to buy above their own health concerns.

But for those who do try to get a hold of the pills and end up raking up debt in the process, Shrekli states, "It's a win-win for me, more revenue and a lower world population. They're not getting any better physically or mentally, sinking lower and lower into debt, so why not just leave them be when their last ray of light they have is having a $1,700 pill twice a week with the hopes of getting well, when, in fact, the certain pill is to be taken twice every day! You can never understand the 99%."

It appears to be that several private insurance companies are part of the same secret organization, offering expensive premiums to unknowing payers who don't know that their comprehensive coverage is comprehensive of a small part! Basic premiums include trips to general practitioners, and baseline hospital care that is vaguely explained. Add a little bit more to the premium, and you can get coverage for minor accidents, such as first-degree burns up to 2 sq. cm, knee scrapes, toe stubs, and infections near the fingernail caused by peeling the skin off. And adding more to that little bit will get the payer that free complimentary toothbrush from the high-end dentist and the expensive complimentary mints the receptionists reserve for the VIPs.

With Shrekli imprisoned, the organization is laying low for the meantime, but nevertheless, its operations are active.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Spoof news topics



Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more