Mohammed Bin Salman and team incoming to Belmarsh

Funny story written by joseph k winter

Thursday, 20 June 2019

image for Mohammed Bin Salman and team incoming to Belmarsh
Mr. Bin Salman decried the use of "chopping block" as pejoration for "royal justice and retribution"

UK authorities have been pleased to announce further assistance on its most famous inmate at Belmarsh Prison, Julian Assange.

Saudi Arabia’s MBS arrived yesterday, smiling, with a hand-picked team.

These assistants have recently been identified by UN Rapporteur Agnes Callamard as instrumental in the case of investigative journalist Jamal Khashoggi.

Key advisors Maher Mutreb and Salah Tubaigy, surgeon, along with Saud al-Qahtani, the Crown Prince’s chief confidante, stood ready to assist.

Their presentation:

Why wait for the prisoner to serve his ten-month sentence, including all the fuss with days spent on an extradition hearing?

After all, wasn't his case very clear, superbly clear, and already decided?

It certainly would be in Saudi Arabia where 16-year-old boys are beheaded for using the internet to alert others of government protests.

Plus, think of all the tedium of removing him to the States, a trial there, whereas a swift, tidy operation is possible right away.

Mr. Tubaigy was then overheard reassuring Belmarsh authorities on effective procedures.

“Joints will be separated. It is not a problem.”

Mr. Mutreb joined with: “It is very much like sacrificing an animal. Really no problem.”

Questions did arise, however, on disposal. The trunk would be rather too heavy for an ordinary plastic bag.

At this point Mr. Qahtani entered the discussion.

“We have ways. As I told one of our female prisoners I was interrogating not that long ago--

"‘I can do whatever I want with you. Then I’ll dissolve you and flush you down the toilet’.”

Belmarsh authorities, who had been silent with forefinger on chin, stated they would need “higher authority” before taking any further steps.

But MBS, quiet to this point, said that he himself surely was the only higher authority needed—

Then he added, smiling again, if it would make Belmarsh Admin more comfortable he could talk to the Home Secretary, Sajid Javid .

And to Mr. Hunt, Secretary of State for Foreign and Commonwealth Affairs.

As to Ms. May, it might be just as well not to bother her with this matter on her last days—and Mr. Trump had already expressed his approval.

Mr. Bin Salman and his advisors will conclude their visit by moving from Belmarsh Prison to Buckingham Palace.

Amidst pageantry and world press coverage there, they will reassure the Queen that Saudi Arabia wants nothing but a stable middle east—and possibly higher oil prices—plus a united world for peace and justice.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more