Stonehenge, UK - (Spotty Ass Mess): Confusion reigns ahead of Friday’s Stonehenge Summer Solstice commemorations following a suspected outbreak of neolithic genital herpes among local Druid folk.
The annual parade is traditionally marked by the disrobing of flowing pagan vestments from skyclad Druids’ bodies in a naturist ceremonial pageant dedicated to the ancient deity Herne.
This year, local authority elf ‘n’ safety inspectors have been brought in and ordered to stop the spread of any unsolicited pathogens, typically those ‘suspected of hibernating in human flesh’ - ie. the scrotum.
It’s the first time such draconian measures have been levelled at the local pagan group.
Commenting on the debacle, local pagan High Priest Dave ‘Spotted’ Dick said the inspectors were an affront to pubic decency.
“Come what may, the sun will still rise over Salisbury Plain at 4.41BST,” he told Spoof website reporters.
Click here for a video of last year’s naturist romp.