Rump Chump Denies Meddling In Russian Rillette Probe
Tamper, Florida - (Rumpy-Dumpy News): Bob Mueller’s Rasher Inquiry took a dramatic new turn today with the arrest of an old mucker pal of President Don T Rump. Ex-GOP pork bellies peddler Roger Stoned got a 6am federal house call at his Tamper, F...
Read full storyHairdresser bored of cutting hair for Storm Troopers
Denise Bartholomew has revealed that she is sick of cutting the hair of Storm Troopers, and is looking for more of a challenge. 'There is not much to do, really. I give them all a good-haircut, and then they hide them inside those helmets. It is s...
Read full storyMan orders new light-sabers, forgets Moth repellent
Gary Wallace, an acquisitions manager in section 4b of the Death Star, has revealed on social media that, although he did successfully order a spare light saber and matching battery pack and gloves, he forgot to order moth repellent. This is not t...
Read full storyWhere is Sara Pascoe?
A man who has not watched television for two days is at a loss to explain the lack of Sara Pascoe in his life. The comedian, seemingly on everything that Katherine Ryan, Josh Widdicombe, Richard Osman, Romesh Ranganathan, and that other chap have...
Read full storyMedical Pot Shops In Colorado Springs Having Hard Times Now That The Stuff Is Legal
My, my! How things change! Medical pot shops, the place to go for those who needed pain relief and for those pretenders who just needed relief from the pain of reality are now getting bitten by the dream they once had- that pot would be uninhibitedly...
Read full storyMan Was Given Birthday Cake, Even Though It Wasn't His Birthday
A man thought all his birthdays had come at once, yesterday, when he was presented with a birthday cake, and wished "Happy Birthday!" - even though his birthday isn't until June! Moys Kenwood, still 48, was sitting at a computer working, when, out…
Read full storyFederal Employee Fired For Making Spelling Mistake On Placard
A federal employee who took part in a demonstration against the ongoing shutdown of the government, has been fired for making a spelling error and a catastrophic grammatical mistake on a placard he was holding. The man, John Typo, of Albany, NY, w...
Read full storyAdvanced Life is Billions of Light Years Ahead of Man
SCIENCE NEWS - NASA scientist, Joseph Goebbels, explains how extraterrestrial life would exist. "They are referred to as alien life, sentient or relatively complex, but they are actually 'an awareness of the self' created by the universe," says...
Read full storyMan Sees Lorry With His Name On It Near His Home
A man returning to his home from a shopping excursion in the town where he lives, was witness to an extraordinary coincidence this morning when he saw a lorry with his own surname emblazoned across the front of it. Moys Kenwood, 55, of Tapon, Batt...
Read full storyTrump Didn't Realize That During a Government Shutdown, the FBI and the Mueller Investigations Would Still Continue
Washington, D.C. President Trump lost a little spring in his step when it was revealed that the Mueller Investigation would continue because its funding isn't affected during a government shutdown. Trump was even more nervous when he found out th...
Read full storyEric and Donnie, Jr. Trump Talk to Their Dad About Ending the Shutdown
Washington, DC The President's sons, Eric and Donnie, Jr., have decided to talk to their father about opening the government back up. "Donnie was going to take me to the zoo today for my birthday, and when we got there it was closed! Donnie used h...
Read full storyWall Would Improve Feng Shui of Southern Border
Just because a wall is a menacing symbol of division, intolerance, and paranoia, doesn’t mean it can’t be pretty, said noted interior designer, Gayle Douglas, of the hit HGTV show 'Screwdriver Wars.’ Douglas said this week that the region really n...
Read full storyUnited States Boasts Skyrocketing Exercise Rates - In Futility
While less than 25 percent of Americans are getting the recommended amount of most forms of exercise, exercise rates are no less than skyrocketing in one particular area: futility. Kent Bellow, CEO of pharmaceutical giant Smerck & Co., applaud...
Read full story