Manic Depressive Disorder Blamed For Woman Pulling Out Man's Heart And Ripping His Face Off
Portage County, Wisconsin. Jennifer Crowley, 27, stuck her claws into 25-year-old Brad Williams last Sunday, pulled his heart completely out of his chest, and then ripped his face off. Mr. Williams, a nice young man who felt a slight attraction...
Read full storyPelosi Spotted at Gas Station While Attempting to Hitchhike to Afghanistan
A number of people claim they have seen Nancy Pelosi, the speaker of the House of Representatives, at one of the Washington D.C. gas stations. She was either talking to vehicle owners, asking them if they were heading towards Central Asia, or hold...
Read full storyTrump shuts down White House; moves to Motel 6 to emphasize emergency
Following his cancellation of Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi’s trip abroad, Mr. Trump has decided the White House is too expensive to maintain, and closed it. White House workers are on furlough for the indefinite future, along with the other 8...
Read full storyBasketball: NBA London Game Was Close Until The Very Last Few Fractions Of A Second
The NBA London Game between the New York Knicks and the Washington Wizards was as exciting as basketball gets, and the result was always in doubt until the last few fractions of the final second. As everyone knows, basketball is a game where it ca...
Read full storyGreat White takes swimmer for a ride!
Swimming in the shark-infested sea around Hawaii can be quite hazardous if the sharks are hungry. However, one particular huge Great White had just finished his midday meal and was basking in the warm waters around the island, when a distressed swimm...
Read full storyBig Chunk of Poop On Toilet Seat Causes Local Resident To Find 'True Calling' In Life
Wisconsin. Maintenance worker, Robert Smith, who is employed at Tim's Decking Products, decided to use the administrative restroom when he saw a big chunk of poop stuck on the toilet rim in the bathroom stall of the commonly-used, "employee" restroo...
Read full storyGov't Shutdown Inspires Gemini Motors to Order "Work without Pay"
Detroit. In a bold move designed to keep five rocket engine plants open instead of being closed, Gemini Motors today informed the 25,000 workers who were facing layoffs that if they stay on the job without pay the plants will remain open. The comp...
Read full storyEuropean Union Develops a Police Academy for Proper Etiquette.
The EU Council is holding a ministerial meeting to investigate a national system of policing to protect the freedoms, safety, and property of EU citizens living in member countries. The EU is recommending a national police academy to properly trai...
Read full storyBugseye Pelosi vs Flyface
BILLINGSGATE POST: A horse’s head is a horse’s head, of course, of course. If this ain’t news, I will eat your shorts. Some two months ago it was reported that Mafiosa lioness, the notorious Bugseye Pelosi, dumped a horse’s head on the bed of Do...
Read full storyThree-Eyed Winged Leprechaun Disturbs College Student Working on History Paper
Iowa. Brad Marten, a 21-year-old college student at St. Catherine's University, was desperately trying to finish his 5-page academic paper on 'Industrial Feminism During The Early 20th Century' when a three-eyed, winged leprechaun flew into his dorm...
Read full storyBeverage Company Offers Bottling Service for Emotions
Responding to skyrocketing rates of depression, anxiety, and other mood disorders, international beverage company Sweet T, Inc., has introduced a bottling service for emotions. “We can handle virtually any unpleasant emotion,” boasted Sweet T CEO...
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