Wisconsin. Maintenance worker, Robert Smith, who is employed at Tim's Decking Products, decided to use the administrative restroom when he saw a big chunk of poop stuck on the toilet rim in the bathroom stall of the commonly-used, "employee" restroom, last Monday.
"I put Chilli Habanero Sauce on my breakfast burrito that morning, and I really needed to take a dump," he told reporters.
The existentially-confused, lonely maintenance worker was simply trying to get through a normal day, when he saw the solidified, greenish-brown, 3.5-inch turd stuck to the center of the toilet rim in the back stall at 7:30 am.
But the life-changing epiphany that Robert had been waiting for his entire life, didn't occur quickly.
"I've always wanted that one special moment that would set me on the course of my true destiny," the 37-year-old told the news team.
Horrified by what he saw, Robert bravely ventured into the administrative restroom, which was clean and well-kept.
After blowing himself out and wiping his ass, Robert was then greeted by the administrative staff, who enjoyed his personality, and offered him a new job as a 'production-entry' assistant in the Shipping and Receiving Department.
Having finally found his true calling, Robert is now completely stressed, desperately trying to calculate numbers and answer phone calls, as orders repeatedly come in on Mondays through Fridays, while his wife continually cheats on him with a truck driver who brings in supplies on Wednesdays.
