Man Comes Out As Mass Murderer
A man from Silver Spring, Maryland announced to the world that he is a mass murderer. John Nefarious made the announcement while burying one of his victims in the basement of the Library of Congress. When he entered the Library of Congress carrying...
Read full storyNeil Shipperley Is A Wanker
The world of football, and of sport, in general, was alive with condemnation tonight for the former Chelsea, Crystal Palace, Southampton, Nottingham Forest, Sheffield United, Barnsley and Wimbledon centre-forward, Neil Shipperley, who, it turns out,...
Read full storyNortherners converting to Tory in record numberss
Burnley has long been the home of flat caps, whippets, ferrets down trousers, and miserable Northerners moaning about them queers down in London. However, during the recent general election, Burnley turned an ostentatious blue, and its residents are...
Read full storyJeremy Corbyn is given a Lordship
The former leader of the UK Labour Party, Jeremy Corbyn, has been elevated to the British House of Lords. As a thank you for all his hard work helping to get the Conservatives re-elected, Prime Minister Boris Johnson wrote to Her Majesty the Queen...
Read full storyMan in serious trouble not really that bothered
Despite the impending impeachment of a President, Chutney on the Fritz resident doom-mongerer, Brian Asshat, is in serious trouble with the council, and is not really all that bothered. After spending the biscuit budget, he has been sending rude l...
Read full storyTeenager won't make up his mind about the new Star Wars films until the Internet does
Thomas Johnson, the son of Gary, and one of Chutney on the Fritz's more 'with it' teenagers, has decided that he won't make up his mind about whether or not he likes 'The Rise of Skywalker' until the internet decides for him. The fourteen-year-old...
Read full storyMan talking about the weather, again
Gary Johnson has been heard, once again, discussing how cold it was in Chutney on the Fritz's railway station. 'Bbbbrrrr, it's cold enough for a polar bear' said the jovial Football fan to the three fellow commuters who were waiting for the 8.03 t...
Read full storyBrian Clough Has Risen From The Dead
The former Derby County and Nottingham Forest manager, Brian Clough, who many in those areas held to be immortal, died in 20, but may have gone beyond the realms of mere mortals and come back to life - as the Secretary of State for Wales, Simon Hart.
Read full storyNashville Man Notes that Sun Also Sets but Appreciates Hemingway's Positivity
Ian McNee of Nashville, Tennessee, couldn't help but note that, in addition to coming up every day as documented in Ernest Hemingway's classic The Sun Also Rises, the sun sets without fail every night, but he appreciates Hemingway's intentional focus...
Read full storyLocal man's irrational excitement over new washing-up bowl reaches fever-pitch
Local man's irrational excitement over new washing-up bowl grows apace. A 54-year-old man has told a local newspaper that the new washing-up bowl that his wife was given by a friend, has grown exponentially in his affections, and is now his most h...
Read full storyChickadees: Taking A Cold Edge Off Your Chisel
BILLINGSGATE POST: In a campaign speech to 23 farmers stuffed in a corn silo in Pocahontas, Iowa, Democrat candidate Joe Biden told the gathered hay shakers that he fully supported the conversion of corn to ethanol, even though it didn’t make economi...
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