Local man's irrational excitement over new washing-up bowl reaches fever-pitch

Written by Clive Danton

Wednesday, 18 December 2019

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Local man's irrational excitement over new washing-up bowl grows apace.

A 54-year-old man has told a local newspaper that the new washing-up bowl that his wife was given by a friend, has grown exponentially in his affections, and is now his most highly-prized household item.

Toby Dell, a foundry worker from Whitechapel in East London, told newsmen, "When my wife brought the bowl home, I scarcely glanced at it. She explained that her friend had given it to her for Christmas, but I hardly listened.

"Little did I realise what a huge part the bowl was going to play in my life.

"Over the next few days, my appreciation for the item grew to a fever pitch, until I began to obsess about it constantly.

"It has a built-in plug which can be turned through 90 degrees, allowing the washing-up water to flow out into the sink.

"It is also slightly raised on all four corners by small legs which prevent soap scum or food debris from collecting on its underside.

"I find myself filling it constantly, just so I can operate the sluice feature, and marvel at what a brilliant innovation it is.

" I often remove it from the sink and give it a wipe over with a microfibre cloth to ensure that it doesn't become discoloured.

"Previously, my favourite domestic item was a small dustpan and brush that click together, and can be hung from a hook under the sink, but the new washing-up bowl pisses all over that piece of junk."

Dell's revelation comes just two months after a 60-year-old man from neighbouring Plaistow, revealed that he was obsessed with his newly-purchased cheesegrater, which he meticulously cleanses with surgical spirit before polishing it to a high shine with a sheet of fine-grit wet and dry abrasive paper after every use.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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