Neil Shipperley Is A Wanker

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Wednesday, 18 December 2019

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Shipperley was, for a time, a Chelsea wanker

The world of football, and of sport, in general, was alive with condemnation tonight for the former Chelsea, Crystal Palace, Southampton, Nottingham Forest, Sheffield United, Barnsley and Wimbledon centre-forward, Neil Shipperley, who, it turns out, is a right old fucking wanker.

Shipperley played in the Premier League from 1992 to 2013, including a short spurt in the England under-21 team between 1993 and 1995, which is a bit worrying.

He was never a player I thought much of, though playing football for a living has to be a lot better than working in offices, which is what I did.

Despite this, Shipperley was not a supporters' favourite.

One fan of Crystal Palace said:

"What a tosser!"

Others were no less cutting. A Wimbledon stalwart described Shipperley thusly:

"He was the most ardent five-knuckle shuffler I ever saw play. Complete wanker."

Chelsea fans were predictably the most outspoken of all. One said:

"He'll always be one of us."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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