Nashville Man's Sorrows Learn to Swim
After decades of successfully drowning his sorrows with whiskey, craft brews, and even the occasional black coffee, Nashville man Bryce Rutledge, Jr., was disconcerted to find that those tried-and-true drowning techniques no longer worked; it seemed...
Read full storyTrump Suffering from Separation Anxiety
Washington, DC - President Trump has just been diagnosed with a severe case of separation anxiety. The White House refuses to reveal the cause. Trump's family is with him during all treatments. Melania is now residing with the President at the...
Read full storySensational piece of diplomatic news from the Nutters Beach Club on dia veinteuno! Boris Becker asks us for his Personal Diplomatic Nutters VIP Immunity Passport!"
Well after all of the drama and action in Russia it was obvious they were not behind the poisoning of spies in the UK so Boris Becker mad a bee-line to the Nutters Beach Club and asked to be our global diplomat so he doesn't get 'knobbed' for paying back his tax debts all over the planet! We of course agreed and the first thing Boris did was head to our broom cupboard for a 'quickie' with Volga...
Read full storyNHS Crisis as Pollen Levels Hit Record High
The Met Office has confirmed that pollen levels are currently the highest since records began. Recommending a state of emergency, they revealed that in some low lying areas people are struggling to get outdoors through a viscous fog of pollen and...
Read full storySPECIAL EDITION: Ask Dr. Billingsgate
BILLINGSGATE POST: This attempt to reach out to the unwashed has been one of my most popular features. Your letters are a constant reminder to me of how lucky I am to be blessed with twelve Doctorates, while most of you struggle with literacy. Dear Dr. BILLINGSGATE, I have been waiting to ask these questions. What is your first name and when will you be in my area? I would love to show you...
Read full storyTrump Finally Releases Enneagram Results
After much controversy and criticism over his unprecedented refusal to disclose certain sensitive personal and financial information, President Donald Trump finally released his Enneagram personality test results. Trump is an Enneagram Type Eight, a...
Read full storyMan Fell Asleep During England Game
After all the excitement during the build-up to the World Cup, and the first round of games during the last few days, it was right back down to earth on Monday night, as England and Tunisia sent one viewer into a perfect dreamless sleep. Football...
Read full storyThe Secret England Footballer: First Round Tunisia Yessssssssss!
Would you Adam and Eve it? We only bloody did it. We bloody won a match. Harry, you're not the wuss I've been saying you are (not to your face, obviously). Hats off to the Tottenham mumbler. I always knew you were class. There was one downer for m...
Read full storyForeigner's "Feels Like the First Time" Plays for Last Time
New York, NY - Radio stations have reached agreement. Foreigner's "Feels Like the First Time" is banned from future radio play. That song leads the Top 10 list of songs that most everyone agrees, they've heard enough. Not even a number one hit in...
Read full storyDemocrats and Rachel Maddow insist Kim Jong Un appear before the Mueller Investigation Committee
Current dissatisfaction with Mr. Trump on his negotiations with North Korea has just taken a turn for the worse. It is now clear Mr. Kim must stand before the Mueller Investigation to answer questions. This is not a simple matter of a Trump To...
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