Washington, DC - President Trump has just been diagnosed with a severe case of separation anxiety.
The White House refuses to reveal the cause. Trump's family is with him during all treatments. Melania is now residing with the President at the White House with their son Barron. Trump's daughter and son-in-law work with him. He is surrounded by his family during this difficult time.
Some speculate that Trump's severe bout was triggered by his troubled relationship with his father, who was always at work and never home to tuck President Trump into bed. As part of his therapy, Trump was recently spotted sucking his thumb.
"He's like a puppy in his crate on the first night home," acknowledged one White House staffer.
Meanwhile, outrage mounts over Trump's new policy to separate children from their parents at our nation's borders, leaving children in cages over many days until their papers can be processed. The White House has refused to back off the policy despite bipartisan fallout.
"Are you saying the anxiety is actually over the outrage from his new separation policies?" replied the White House staffer with a wink. "No comment."
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