Written by Monkey Woods

Tuesday, 19 June 2018

image for Man Fell Asleep During England Game
Engerland! Engerland! Engeuurrzzzzzz

After all the excitement during the build-up to the World Cup, and the first round of games during the last few days, it was right back down to earth on Monday night, as England and Tunisia sent one viewer into a perfect dreamless sleep.

Football fans worldwide have raved about Russia, marvelled at Mexico, argued about Argentina, bragged and blustered about Brazil, and giggled about Germany, but insipid England was the way Moys Kenwood chose to describe Gareth Southgate's tame Three Lions.

"I fell asleep pretty early on, I think," he said, "possibly during the national anthems."

England eventually managed to beat the Tunisians 2-1, but Kenwood remained undisturbed until the last five minutes.

"Even that was painful. There was no urgency. Nobody would've thought this was a vital World Cup game. They were knocking it around like it was some warm-up before a Sunday League game on the local council pitch. I was on the point of dropping off again when Kane scored."

England play Belgium and Panama soon, but I'm not sure when, or whether they play the Belgians first or the Panamaniacs. Yawn.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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