Nashville Narcissist Finally Figures Out Where His Father Utterly Failed Him
After years of fending off complaints about his self-centeredness, grandiosity and extreme narcissism, Trent Lockwood of Nashville, Tennessee, finally figured out that any emotional shortcoming on his part was due to the fact that, as a young boy, hi...
Read full storyThe Greatest Escape: A Magician's Tale
I’m baaaaaaaaack! Not much to brag about though. Here I am, lying on the train tracks in a dark, dreary NYC subway tunnel under Grand Central Station. Just been hit by a speeding train, my body is bloody and battered. Ouch! I’m a magician, so I’ll just have to work some magic to pull myself together and get out of here. I’ve been dead since 1926, I died of peritonitis, but I’m not gonna let...
Read full storyCharles Bronson Wows at Edinburgh Fringe Festival
Charles Bronson, Britain's most notorious prisoner, has appeared in court by video link today, which he managed to beam to the Edinburgh Fringe Festival for his £30.00 per ticket one-man sellout show. Bronson, also known as Charles Arthur Salvador...
Read full storyThe Real Reason Liam Left Cheryl
Liam Payne from Boyband One Direction, has revealed the real reason he left his twice-married wife Cheryl, today. In a typically candid and outspoken interview, Liam revealed that Cheryl was obsessed with her figure, and refused to get pregnant in...
Read full storyMan with Machete Holds Up Ice Cream Van
Desperate measures are being taken, it seems, in the recent heatwave, as a Merseyside man held up an ice cream van with a machete. The Liverpudlian desparado claims he had been passed by no less than four vans in his quest for a 99 for himself and...
Read full storyQueen Reveals Why She Wasn't Late for Trump Meeting
The Queen has unusually chosen to speak out following Donald Trump's accusation that she was fifteen minutes late for her meeting with the United States President. In a statement read out by a Buckingham Palace spokesman, it was revealed that the...
Read full storyHeatwave Puts UK Children at Risk
The current unrelenting humid, sticky, overly-moist heatwave that is sweeping the UK, is putting the nation's children at risk, says a new survey, out today. The survey, commissioned by "Overprotective Parents UK", states that more and more child...
Read full storyCongress Votes To Raise Own Pay 35%
In a unanimous decision that leaders were quick to praise for its stunning lack of partisanship, the United States Congress decided to raise its own pay to a whopping 980,000 dollars a year, an increase of 300%, citing the 2 percent rise in the cost...
Read full storyScorpion Was In Man's Shoe
A major incident was narrowly averted in the Battambang commune of Tapon this morning, when a man discovered a horrible, ugly, black scorpion hiding in his shoe! Moys Kenwood, 55, was on his way out to work at around 6:30am, and sat down to put hi...
Read full storyHeaven to have a privatised service
Plans are afoot for the establishment of a privatised heaven. Rupert Rees-Hogg commented: 'There are far too many ex-Etonians and Establishment figures who have been refused access to heaven on their death. This must stop! At the moment any old anyon...
Read full storyHospital Patient Describes a Stent Removal
Wisconsin. (In a Hospital.) Young, sensitive, and naïve local resident, Wesley Jay, 20, had a kidney surgery last Spring during which doctors had to cut him open in order to remove a blood vessel that was wrapped around his ureter. It was a birth...
Read full storyManafort Cops Plea Deal To Testify Against Trump
In a shocking move, high profile defendant, Paul Manafort, on trial for his business dealings, took a plea deal to have all charges dropped if he testified against Donald Trump. The plea deal was signed off by trial judge T.S. Ellis III. Invokin...
Read full storyMorgan Freeman Offers To Be Trump's Voice and Human Avatar
"In an attempt to ease the pain of most normal human beings," Morgan Freeman paused at a news conference in the west wing today, "I have decided to sacrifice the final days of my life to be the voice and visual of Donald Trump." "Now, I know this...
Read full storyChimpanzee Star Of 1996 Film “Ed” Accused Of Sexual Harassment
A female crew member and a male actor from the 1996 smash hit film “Ed” have come forward to accuse the film’s primate star of sexual harassment. The events, first reported by TMZ and the Huffington Post, allegedly occurred during the film’s produ...
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