Man with Machete Holds Up Ice Cream Van

Written by carina-eta

Friday, 3 August 2018

image for Man with Machete Holds Up Ice Cream Van
New Armoured Liverpool Ice Cream Van

Desperate measures are being taken, it seems, in the recent heatwave, as a Merseyside man held up an ice cream van with a machete.

The Liverpudlian desparado claims he had been passed by no less than four vans in his quest for a 99 for himself and his five kids.

The machete fortunately caught on the van driver's sun visor before he was able to disembowel the three small children waiting their turn in the queue. During the ensuing stumbling and reeling, the kids managed to leg it, and the ice cream vendor managed to call the police.

The "Iced Offender" rushed off and hid behind some bins, but was caught after police dogs tracked the crumbs from his flake.

In a victim impact statement the vendor said, "I have nightmares about putting raspberry juice on ice creams now. I have had to give up my job, my hands shake when I try to squeeze the red juice on".

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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