"In an attempt to ease the pain of most normal human beings," Morgan Freeman paused at a news conference in the west wing today, "I have decided to sacrifice the final days of my life to be the voice and visual of Donald Trump."
"Now, I know this will come as a shock to most people, but since the spineless wonders in congress have chosen to do nothing, I have decided to do what I can. People love my voice and find it soothing, no matter how awful the things might be that I will say. Here's an example taken from a recent Trump speech about North Korea,with only slight different phraseology." He then stopped to position the teleprompter a little.
"This was an incredible summit, Kim is a wonderful person, who has starved barely a million people. He is willing to denuclearize his cars and maybe his new toy submarine." Morgan then smiled. "Now, see, wasn't that less scary from me than from Donald? I'll take some questions."
The press then proceeded to ask Morgan some questions about how his new role would be enacted. Would he, for example, meet Putin instead of Trump?
"Understand, I will not be replacing the Donald; he has made clear he will still be acting President, but I will be his actor on the world stage," said Freeman, "so, yes, I'll be meeting Pukin Putin, and I expect it will be an incredible summit. In fact, I can't wait to meet that white cracker son of a bitch."
"Sir," said a New York Times reporter, "will you be discussing meetings and speeches with the President before you go to them or will you be "winging" it the way he does?"
"I intend to do exactly as the President does, and wing everything I say, but I will, of course, attempt to use his intent as I perceive that to be," replied Freeman grinning.