Written by Wesley Janson

Friday, 3 August 2018


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image for Hospital Patient Describes a Stent Removal

Wisconsin. (In a Hospital.) Young, sensitive, and naïve local resident, Wesley Jay, 20, had a kidney surgery last Spring during which doctors had to cut him open in order to remove a blood vessel that was wrapped around his ureter. It was a birth defect that had caused his kidney to become bloated, and it was responsible for the numerous kidney stones that were causing him side pain.

What Wesley didn't realize, however, was that the doctor had placed an internal drainage tube, called a stent, inside of his ureter. What Wesley also didn't understand was that the doctor had to pull the stent out through his penis hole six weeks after the surgery.

The young and innocent man took off his clothes and tried to dress himself in one of those flimsy medical gowns that covered his front, but left his ass hanging out for all the nurses to see.

After that, he was lead down an eerie hallway and into a small room full of nasty-looking medical instruments. He was then instructed to lie down on a hard, uncomfortable bed and to place his legs up on the props.

"I just laid there spread eagle while the doctor looked through his table deciding which instrument to select," Wesley told reporters. "A nurse also walked into the room and began to hold my hand. She was crying at the moment, but I didn't understand why."

Wesley soon understood that the nurse was crying, not for herself, but for him as the sensitive inner lining of his penis hole opened up while the flexible tubing of the medical device ruthlessly penetrated his shaft and invaded an area he never thought possible.

Piercing, 'needle-like' pain accompanied a burning sensation as the tube got pushed further and further into Wesley's penis hole. In addition to that, it also felt like his balls were being stepped on by a giant metal boot.

"I felt lonely at that moment because that was the only action my penis had ever seen other than occasionally masturbating to night-time infomercials for bun and thigh rollers." he openly confessed to the entire news staff.

But Wesley soon forgot about the lack of intimacy that had decorated his entire life as the unforgiving medical tube with mechanical grippers extended further and further inside of him in search of the elusive stent.

After the doctor finally got a hold of the stent with the mechanical gripping device at the end of the flexible tubing, reverse pressure was felt as the stent was being slowly pulled out.

"You feel pain right now because blood vessels are being broken apart as I'm trying to pull this thing out through your penis hole," the doctor told Wesley in a very reassuring manner.

The nurse continued to look sadly at the helpless young man before the doctor stated that there was a problem because the mechanical gripping device accidently let go of the stent on its way out, which meant that it was now trapped inside his urethra.

"If you ever want to pee again, I'm going to have to pull this medical device out of your penis hole and re-start the entire procedure," the doctor stated before re-positioning his flexible tubing device in order to go spelunking, once again, into the thin little cave of Wesley's urethra.

After two more failed attempts and several other broken blood vessels, the rubbery stent was finally pulled out of the patient's penis hole and then held dangling over him.

"Hey, I finally got it!" the doctor happily claimed.

After walking calmly and quietly out of hospital, the patient coldly made the statement that there is no God!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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