Police Cruisers Transporting Indigent During Record Cold
The indigent population are getting a little help from the Louisville Metro Police during the record cold snap. This cold snap, sources say, is the result of a rare polar vortex that is sending extremely cold Arctic air as far as the southern...
Read full storyWhy The World Is Getting Cooler, Not Warmer!
In an important publication recently released, it states that an international research expedition to the Southern Ocean has confirmed that if it were left alone, the global climate would be naturally heading towards another ice age. "We're headed...
Read full storyTwenty seven senators for new sanctions on Iran receive AIPAC banquet award and toy AK-47 cigar lighters
A consort of 27 Democratic and Republican senators has recently lined up to support AIPAC with a bill to raise new sanctions on Iran. This action is meant to arrest the Obama-Kerry agreement with Iran on a peaceful nuclear power program as a step...
Read full story"Does Size Make A Difference?" Man on Street Interview!
Nancy Dancer: "Yes it does. On our wedding night, I thought he had a roll of baloney but he kept telling me I'd get used to it. I did. Two years later. Right after the first kid was born." Betty Fluharty: "No. Size is all in the brain. Your brain is your biggest organ. Oh, he must have a midget in the family history. I'm going to cry now. Go away! Waaaaaaah!" John Edwards: "I don't think my...
Read full storySenator Bernie's question rebounds from NSA to GCHQ and back to White House
Senator Sanders' query to the NSA on whether he and his congressional colleagues are being spied on has led to several unfortunate consequences. A "seed" and "hop" investigation on Mr. Sanders was immediately instigated due to an "articulable susp...
Read full storyMove Over Bigfoot - BigBoobs A New Species, Say Scientists!
Dr. Armad D'Emery has astounded the world of science with a recorded sighting of the first BigBoob! "BigBoobs are even more rare than the BigFoot", he told reporters. "Of course, the military poo-poos the existence of even BigFoot but the militar...
Read full storyNew Branch of the Evolutionary Family Tree Discovered
A population previously hidden in plain sight has been discovered here in Louisville. The DNA is so interwoven, that we cannot help but infer that inbreeding occurred much more often and earlier than previously thought. The Denisovans of Asia a...
Read full storyCounty Lockup has an Unusual Way of Saving Money
City and County Governments are drooling with envy over Louisville's age old solution for housing and feeding the many prisoners that go through their portals of power. They borrowed a page from Soylent Green and offered it up as food for thos...
Read full storyWrong Person Arrested
Police in Louisville arrested the wrong person. While this in itself is not a true surprise, it's HOW wrong the police got it. Charlie Mahew was arrested in front of his mother, his brother, and his two children during a family get-together last Thur...
Read full storyDuck Dynasty Robertson: No Women In Heaven!
Pastor Robertson told us that he knew that it ain't going to make him any popular but that the Good Book says what it means. After that encounter with the Gay people, he hated to start 'another boondoggle' but that's just how it is and he believe...
Read full story..."A right Royal BOGOF Rodney!"
Unwanted souvenirs (AKA: Royal crap) celebrating the hatching of the Prince of Darkness Mark 11 (AKA: Prince George) are being flogged orf by Buck House in a huge January sale. Items including Royal 'made in China' China, trinkets, Royal 'mint' f...
Read full storyBrits confuse NCIS medical examiner Dr Donald 'Ducky' Mallard with Duck Dynasty's Phil Robertson
London, UK - Grim news from Blighty this weekend shows loads of Brit goggle box-heads are totally stumped about NCIS 'quack' Dr Mallard's role in the Duck Dynasty homophobic rant saga. A UK drinks industry post-festive poll of 1,000 TV viewers pub...
Read full storyEnd of "Twelve days of Christmas" - Official
Christmas will terminate at midnight tonight in an attempt to curb turkey and mince pie abuse. Turkey can still be obtained by addicts but only on prescription. ChristmS trees, tinsel, mistletoe and chestnuts roasting on open fires will be banned unt...
Read full storyNASA Has Just Purchased The Most Powerful Telescope Ever Manufactured
CHARLOTTE, North Carolina - One of the largest telescope manufacturing companies in the United States has just developed what it says is the most powerful telescope ever made. The Southern Drawl Telescopic Company in Charlotte, North Carolina told...
Read full storyAspen, Colorado Hotel Employees Are Being Paid In Marijuana
ASPEN, Colorado - Several national news publications are reporting that they have heard that there are some hotels in the Colorado winter resort town of Aspen that are paying their employees in marijuana. Jefferson Sierra with National Focus Magaz...
Read full storyKFC Will Be Selling Duck McDuckies In Order To Compete With McDonald's Chicken McNuggets
LOUISVILLE, Kentucky - The KFC Corporation has just announced that they have partnered with the Robertson family of Duck Dynasty on a new KFC menu item. KFC Spokesperson Ty Wylerstaff stated that the huge chicken franchise chain had been looking...
Read full storyThe Philadelphia Eagles Shot Down By The New Orleans Saints
PHILADELPHIA - The Eagles of Philadelphia hovered around their home stadium, Lincoln Financial Field, but in the end they lost the game in the final seconds on a Saint's field goal. The Drew Brees-led Saints beat the Eagles 26-24 in an NFL Wild Ca...
Read full storyA French Poodle In Colorado Accidentally Eats 5 Marijuana Joints
VAIL, Colorado - Animal veterinarian Dr. Griffin Willowbuck, 51, said that in the 24 years that he has been an animal doctor he has never come across this type of situation. Dr. Willowbuck said that a very frantic young couple brought in their Fre...
Read full storyJustin Bieber Thinking About Buying Some Land In Colorado And Becoming A Pot Farmer
CHICAGO - Justin Bieber recently announced that he was retiring from the music business. The iRumors News Agency is now reporting that the Canadian singer is considering purchasing some land in the marijuana haven state of Colorado and becoming a...
Read full storyNASA Has Just Received A Very Generous Check From Duck Dynasty's Phil Robertson
HOUSTON - The executives at NASA are thrilled due to the fact that they have just received a very generous donation from the patriarch of Duck Dynasty's Robertson family, Phil Robertson. Phil told the press that the members of his family have alwa...
Read full storyThe Indianapolis Colts Edge Out The Kansas City Chiefs In A High-Scoring Shoot-Out
INDIANAPOLIS - The Kansas City Chiefs rode into Indianapolis and got into an old-fashioned slugfest with the home town Colts. Hercules Confetti with Sporting Chance Magazine said that for most of the game it looked as if the Chiefs victory medicin...
Read full storyNow That Marijuana Is Legal - Restaurants In Colorado Have Added A New Food Item To Their Menus
DENVER - The Colorado State Restaurant Coalition has informed the news media that most restaurants in the Rocky Mountain State have added a new item to their menus. CSRC Spokesperson Betty Fitzowitz remarked that effective with the January 1, law...
Read full storySofia Vergara Agrees To Make A Public Service Commercial For NASA
HOUSTON - NASA has just informed the national news media that actress Sofia Vergara has just signed a contract to star in a public service commercial for The National Aeronautical Space Administration. NASA Spokesperson Trent Timmelfarb said that...
Read full storyNorthern Colorado Residents Concerned About The Humongous Marijuana Clouds
FORT COLLINS, Colorado - Hundreds of residents of the northern Colorado town of Fort Collins have expressed concern over the gigantic pot clouds that has been hovering over the city for the past three days. A spokesman for the mayor stated that he...
Read full storyA Close Friend of Alec Baldwin's Says The 30 Rock Star Is Heading For The Gutter
NEW YORK CITY - The year 2013, was one that actor Alec "The Brat" Baldwin may want to conveniently forget. The past year saw the troubled actor make racial slurs at a photographer, utter gay remarks toward a British journalist, and refer to the Ea...
Read full storyeBay Censors Trayvon Martin Auction, Angers Press
George Zimmerman just profited from the murder of Trayvon Martin by auctioning his "original" art for over $100,000, but the eBay online auction site decided to ban a progressive artist's attempts to raise money for the Trayvon Martin Foundation, bra...
Read full storyTop Ten Children's Books That Will Frighten Them Till They Won't Be Able To Sleep!
Following are the top ten books that you should never read to your children, especially at night or you will be up all night checking the closet and under the bed: 1. Where The Wild Things Grow By Eating Little Children! 2. Gangrene & Ham 3. The Very Hungry Giant Caterpillar! 4. The GoreAx! 5. Brown Bear, Brown Bear, Will You Eat Me Down There? 6. Harold & The Purpl...
Read full storyAustralians like to be killed by sharks
A recent poll suggests that Australians like the element of danger provided by man eating sharks around the Perth area. An attempt to help the promotion of safe bathing by reducing the number of these evil monsters has been sabotaged by the poi...
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