ZZ Top To Guest Star on Duck Dynasty
HOUSTON - The Little Old Band from Texas, ZZ Top has just announced that they will be appearing in an upcoming episode of the hit A&E show Duck Dynasty. Billy Gibbons, lead singer and guitar player for the power trio from the Lone Star State,...
Read full storyYou Have To Destroy A Nation To Save It
I sat down with James Clapper, former head of U.S. National Security, to get his views on the current state of America as it relates to domestic spying and intelligence gathering activity. He has recently made headlines by demanding that Edward Snow...
Read full storyAbysmal holiday in Y Borth, West Wales
Y Borth, West Wales, has a sandy beach and is a holiday seaside resort. Our week there in a youth hostel in the village next to the caravan and camping site was utterly abysmal. An unexciting ancient submerged forest is an invisible attraction along the beach, where stumps of trees (preserved by the acid anaerobic conditions in the peat) cannot be seen. Said to be the legend of Cantre'r Gwaelod...
Read full storyDuck Dynasty Family Signs Up For Obamacare!
The bearded and possibly inbred Robertson clan from "Duck Dynasty" signed up for Obamacare this morning with little to no trouble, says a family spokesperson. "It took like twenty minutes tops for the whole family!" said distant second cousin Red...
Read full storyPutin The Heat On: NATO forecasters predict balmy 25c for Russian Winter Olympics at Sochi
Krasnaya Polyana, Sochi: Vladimir Putin's Olympic crown jewel hopes just went adown the pan as a NATO weather forecast for 7-24 February predicts blistering temperatures to melt Russia's mighty winter sports complex erection. The Black Sea resort...
Read full storySarah Palin Plans Winter Hibernation With A Pack of Wild Grizzly Bears
WASILLA, Alaska --- With the start of 2014 bringing below zero temperatures, Sarah Palin announced this morning that she will protest against America's War on Christmas by hibernating for the winter with a pack of wild grizzly bears. Shortly af...
Read full storyPresident Putin Says He Would Love To Have Edward Snowden Become A Part of His Family
MOSCOW - Russian President Vladimir Putin told Russia's national news agency Vodkavich that 2013 was one of the happiest years of his entire life. He stated that the Russian economy is doing very good, world-wide sales of vodka have gone up 90 per...
Read full storyKim Jong Un Reveals His 2014 New Year's Resolution
PYONGYANG, North Korea - North Korean leader Kim Jong Un rang in the new year with a bang (no pun intended) as he spoke to the people of North Korea via an Anderson Cooper-Kathy Griffin New Year's Eve type television show. Kim Jong Un first thanke...
Read full storyPresident Obama to Visit Kim Jong Un
PYONGYANG, NORTH KOREA - Kil Em Al, interim spokesman for the Korean Central News Agency, announced today that President Barack Hussein Obama will visit the supreme leader of the Democratic People's Republic of Korea, Kim Jong Un in February. Pres...
Read full storyPolice planning roadside Turkey checks
Police are planning a zero tolerance campaign to catch people out who have had a turkey dinner after the official deadline of midnight on January 6th. Highly accurate Turkelyzer kits have been ordered by police forces throughout the U.K. The kits...
Read full storyDuck Dynasty Robertson: Women Should Know Their Place!
"Good evening everyone. Glad to see most of my kinfolks here like you should be. I'm the Elder of the fambly and I need to pass on some basic Learn How before I pass on. That was a joke. (laughter) "Pass On! Get it?" (More laughter). Now I believe that a woman, or I should say wife I guess, need to stay at home, cooking, cleaning and raising her children. It's up to us men to go out and f...
Read full storyScotland will be full of empty palaces after Declaration of Independence in 2015
Secret Royal palaces all over Scotland are already being evacuated due to fears of a revival of the William Wallace syndrome coinciding with the release of "Braveheart 2." in September. The film will star Melanie Gibson as Braveheart's red haired dau...
Read full storyQueen Elizabeth to renew wedding vows in Edinburgh
The "Mother of all hen parties" has been booked in Ibiza for the Queen's wedding vow renewal booked on 18th September to take attention away from Scotland's Independence referendum. Containers of sexy balloons, Queen outfits, plastic tickler orbs...
Read full storyCaught with Pot, Governor Regrets Not Legalizing Marijuana
Saying he should have gone along with the state legislature last year and signed the bill decriminalizing personal possession of marijuana, West Dakota Governor Cody Stevens pardoned himself after he was arrested last night for possession of the ille...
Read full storyGlow-in-the-dark Pigs Comment on their Plight
Think it's fun to glow green in the dark? (If you're so inclined, you can read about the green pigs here on the website of The Los Angeles Times). Many of the green pigs are not happy campers. One pig complained, "What do they think we are?...
Read full storyDuck Dynasty Launches Redneck Brand Of Firearms
With the threat of "suspension" behind them and more free publicity than they know what to with following Phil Robertson's controversial interview with GQ magazine, the Duck Dynasty family is cashing in by launching a brand new line of firearms. C...
Read full storyAn Arizona Sinkhole Swallows Up An Entire Trailer Park
TUCSON, Arizona - Local authorities are baffled as to how in the world a sinkhole could have totally swallowed up an entire trailer park. Officer Concord Bookberry with the Tucson Police Department stated that luckily a local fortune teller Madam...
Read full storyBeyonce Very Mad At The Hateful Comment Miley Cyrus Made About Her Baby
HOLLYWOOD - Beyonce is livid with Miley Cyrus and she has said that the little spoiled brat needs to behave herself and stop acting like the female version of Justin Bieber. Beyonce talked with Voodoo Dupree of Glamboyant Magazine and said that sh...
Read full storyKirstie Alley Purchases 10,000 Shares of McDonald's Stock
HOLLYWOOD - Kirstie Alley has commented that she honestly cannot remember ever being as happy as she is now. The overweight star of Cheers has just announced that she is now the proud owner of 10,000 shares of McDonald's stock. Kirstie purchase...
Read full storyCrop Circle In Iowa Cornfield Resembles Miley Cyrus
INDIANOLA, Iowa - Local authorities have reported that overnight a crop circle appeared in Iowa corn farmer Dilbert Nutwood's corn field. The highly elaborate figure covered an entire acre and resembled Miley Cyrus in the act of twerking. Farme...
Read full storyMinnesota Vikings Special Teams Coordinator Mike Priefer Denies That He Is Anti-Gay
MINNEAPOLIS, Minnesota - Vikings special teams coordinator Mike Priefer says that he does not like to see guys skipping or prancing around but he wants it known that he is not homophobic. Priefer was accused by ex-Vikings punter Chris Kluwe of cal...
Read full storyWillie Nelson, Reba McEntire, and Scarlett Johansson To Star In Duck Dynasty - The Musical
HOLLYWOOD - Cripple Creek Pictures in association with Castle Moat Productions has just announced that filming will begin soon on Staccato Monteverdi's motion picture Duck Dynasty - The Musical. Monteverdi spoke with Cahoots Wyoming of Silver Scr...
Read full storyNewt Gingrich Says Rush Limbaugh Is Crazy For Wanting To Eliminate NASA
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Former Speaker of The House Newt Gingrich is furious with his fellow Republican Rush Limbaugh and has called him crazy for his recent anti-NASA comments. In mid December Limbaugh was quoted as saying that the United States needs...
Read full storyDuck Dynasty's Phil Robertson Says That Sarah Palin Better Leave The Robertson Family Alone
NEW YORK CITY - Phil Robertson and some of his Duck Dynasty family members flew up to New York City to appear as guests on Rush Limbaugh's radio talk show. Rush told Phil that he was proud to make his acquaintance. Phil responded by saying that he...
Read full storySchlotzsky's To Change Its Name
AUSTIN - The Schlotzsky's sandwich franchise chain has just announced that it plans to change the corporate name in 2014. Schlotzsky's Spokesperson Ashley Gail Tiarafelli stated that after hiring an independent research agency, it was determined t...
Read full storyKim Jong Un Releases New Year's Resolutions
Pyongyang, North Korea North Korean husky-boy sized dictator Kim Jong Un released his New Year's Resolutions today. The resolutions are: 1. Not to execute any relatives closer to him than second cousin for the next few months. 2. To have the labor camps be at least a third of the way through with his pyramid by the end of the year. 3. To get to at least Level 20 on Grand Theft Auto 4...
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