Justin Bieber Says Since Atlanta Doesn't Want Him He May Try To See About Moving To Savannah
ATLANTA - A source very close to Justin Bieber says that the talented pop singer is devastated that the residents of Atlanta do not want him moving into their community. Bieber even went as far as to say he would donate $125,000 to The Buckhead Ne...
Read full storyLouisiana Oil Company Makes An Unbelievable Discovery In The Gulf of Mexico
NEW ORLEANS - Representatives for the Louisiana based Blue Bayou Oil Company have just informed the news media of an amazing discovery. Arden Woodbush, III, spokesperson for The BBOC said that company geologists are reporting that the oil company...
Read full storyLocal Man Thinks Note He Got From Lady Means She Wants His Body
James Milan of right here in Leonardsville is excited over a lady that he spotted that had recently moved to town "And boy is she a knockout!" "I have been asking around to those who will talk to me, mostly men, and they tell me that she is a wido...
Read full storyThe Overweight May Be Discriminated Against If Religion Based
Arizona lawmakers passed a bill Thursday that allows businesses in the state to deny service to LGBT customers on religious grounds. The bill has not been signed by Gov. Jan Brewer (R), who told reporters at the National Governors Association this we...
Read full storyPope's tramp stamp selfie will be auctioned for charity
Rome - "Of course we had no idea you could get a camera to focus there," a member of the Papal Swiss Guard said today as a preview shot of His Wholiness's selfie was posted on the internet, "let alone a tattoo inking gun!" The intimate tramp stamp...
Read full storyMichelle Obama's Klingon hairdo just has to go
Washington - Channeling Lieutenant Worf's casually backswept look at Sunday night's Governors Dinner in the White House nearly got Michelle Obama into a whole heap of trouble according to clandestine reports. The First Lady apparently triggered so...
Read full storyLindsay Lohan Confesses She Has A Brand New Bikini Line Tattoo
VENICE BEACH, California - The once troubled little starlet Lindsay Lohan has said that she has finally gotten her act together. Appearing on The Gorgeous Gary Busey Show, Lilo said that the three months she spent in a rehab clinic last year did w...
Read full storyFrancis Bacon Sandwich self portrait fetches $50m at NYC auction
New York - The selfie is thought to have been inspired by the aritst's brief stay at an East Ham, London massage parlor where two voluptuous masseuses plied him with drink before getting out an old Polaroid. Tonight bidding for the 10" x 6" maste...
Read full storyMiley Cyrus Says That Katy Perry Is A Fantastically Sexy Kisser
HOLLYWOOD - Miley Cyrus has said that she's kissed more than her share of males and females. But the Princess of The Twerking World said that the kiss she recently shared with Katy Perry was one of the best kisses she has ever had. The former H...
Read full storyGoldman Sachs Rich Employee's Comments Exposed
Goldman Sachs tattletale Steve Strong has been exposed. He's the guy that overheard remarks of Goldman employees on the elevators going to its offices. Now his identity is no longer a secret. His twitter account @Goldman Gossip has had a huge audience of people who view remarks made the Sachs workforce. Now that's he's out of business, Goldman Sachs has lifted the ban on company-impose...
Read full storyA Pregnant Woman Is Just An Heir Hostess Says Virginia Republican Steve Martin
Washington AC/DC - "Personally I blame Mile High Club moral laxity," Virginia State Senator Steve Martin (R) said today as an abortion rant went vital on the net. Martin, a former chairman of the Senate Recreational Travel Committee, was giving ve...
Read full storySelena Gomez: Anyone Who Goes With Justin Bieber is Nuts, Including Me!
Just after Justin Bieber told all the Press people that his big birthday bash on March First was not for Selena Gomez, she had a few choice words for him in return! "Nope, she won't be here", a Source told us. "She's not on the list." But when...
Read full storyWoman caught smuggling illegals into UK claims they were her clients!
A UK woman caught red-handed by French police attempting to smuggle illegal immigrants into Britain claimed she was just doing her normal business, offering international gang-bangs! The Gendarmerie stopped her at Calais and found several illegal...
Read full storyAlastair Darling reveals he is Droopy's lovechild
In an astonishing revelation, former Chancellor Alistair Darling today announced he is the lovechild of cartoon misery pooch, Droopy. Darling, head of the Better Together campaign, made the startling discovery while filming a new series of 'Who Do...
Read full storyMid-Management Recruitment
Jamie Paxon walked into the convenience store as he had done many times before. Same old, same old. . .Right up to the coolers. . .Grab a twelve pack. . .Hand the sales girl the money. . .Get the change. . . Out the door and down the street . . . To where, who knows. Except this time, near the coolers stood a winged dark creature, obviously supernatural and of the -nth power, beautiful in nefa...
Read full storyOPEC boss slams Scottish Separatists' North Sea oil shakedown plans
Vienna, Austria - "It's just another crude heist," the head of business development at the Organization of Petroleum Exploiting Countries said today. "Reminds me of 1975 when Carlos the Jackass attempted kidnapping all eleven OPEC oil ministers an...
Read full storyViagra, Levitra to Lower Prices!
This is big! Well, it will be soon! Just a joke. But I have it from a worker on the inside of a lab that the popular penis pills that sometimes cost up to $36 each, will soon drop to $1.00 for the 20mg size! The price has recently 'jumped' so the...
Read full storyAl Gore To Run Against Hillary!
Well, I have given up on trying to warn people about the rising oceans due to global warming and have saved the world all by myself. I was lying on the couch and pondering how to reach people and suddenly it hit me. It was the cat. So I got up and...
Read full storyGod Speak - A'as
After thousands of years of questions and loyalties, turmoil and radicalism, wars and crusades, stonings and hostage taking, tonight the creator of the universe speaks to humanity! (Que: Opening soundtrack music from movie, The Ten Commandments) Good evening. I am your host, Adam Handy, and this is God Speak. (audience applause) Tonight's guest-deity will be determined by the spinning...
Read full storyJustin Bieber "I Was Taught By A Master!"
On his way downtown Los Angeles to appear before a judge Justin Bieber told the police lady driving that he was taught by a "Master" and that was the source of a lot of his problems. The officer later told this reporter that Bieber was alluding to...
Read full storyKenny Blakenship and Vince Romano Released by Two Volga Women
SOCHI, RUSSIA - Police authorities in Sochi have announced that Kenny Blankenship and Vic Romano were released by their elusive, female Russian kidnappers early this morning. Kenny and Vic, who were kidnapped several nights ago by two Volga women,...
Read full storyGlasgow gangs to get protection money to keep oil rig pirates at bay
Oligarch Alexei Salmon may become the new outright owner of Celtic and Rangers football clubs when the North Sea oil is divided up, Scotch gang leaders have announced. His oil rigs and any football clubs will have the "protection" of razor wieldi...
Read full storyPresident Obummer reaches out to Venezuela's homeless President Maduro (and his wife, Cilia)
WHITEWASHINGTON -- Venezuelan dictator Hugo Chavez left office in March 2013, due to a death in the family--his own--but his hard-partying daughters Rosa Virginia, 35, and Maria Gabriela, 33, refuse to vacate the premises, even though the current pre...
Read full storyHugh Hefner Wants To Buy Colorado's Happy Joy Airlines AKA Pot Planes Airways
HOLLYWOOD - Billionaire mogul Hugh Hefner, who made his money off of gorgeously sexy naked women, has just informed the news media that he wants to buy an airline. Hefner, stated "Not just any airline mind you. I want to buy the Aspen-based Happy...
Read full storyHistory Buffs Discover A Mohawk Totem Pole In Pennsylvania With The Likeness of A Very Famous Woman
PITTSBURGH - A group of history enthusiasts have informed the press that they have discovered a long lost Mohawk totem pole 14 miles west of Pittsburg. The 17-foot tall totem pole was in excellent condition since experts explained that the Mohawk...
Read full storyGirl Scout Sets Up Cookie Stand Outside of Pot Shop - Sells Out In 5 Minutes
BOULDER, Colorado - Little Boulder Girl Scout Brandy Valdesti, 12, has to be one of the most enterprising youngsters in the entire United States. Brandy had a total of 20 boxes of Girl Scout Cookies to sell and she decided to set up a table right...
Read full storyThe Aspen Airport Is Placing Marijuana Dispensing Machines In The Main Lobby
ASPEN, Colorado - The Snowman International Airport located just outside of Aspen has just announced that it will now be providing a new exciting service. Chelsea Tallydollar, 27, spokesperson with SIA, stated that effective February 28, a total o...
Read full storyJustin Bieber Wants To Buy A House In Atlanta - The City Says No Way Bubba!
ATLANTA - Justin Bieber is finally realizing that all of his brattiness has finally exploded in his pop star face. Bieber recently expressed a desire to live in the South and he decided that Atlanta would be a good place to lay down roots. But...
Read full storyDurango Bango Named The Best Marijuana In Colorado
DENVER - The Colorado State Cannabis Coalition, not to be confused with The Colorado State Department of Cannabis, has just issued a news release. CSCC director Lucy "Sinsemilla" Coxcoogan said that a Pot Testing Committee (PTC) tested over 87 dif...
Read full storyShock as Huddersfield "Beast Market" is exposed
Archaeologists have uncovered the remains of a medieval "Beast Market", the equivalent of a modern day Farmer's Market beneath a demolished Satanic Mill in the Kirkgate area. The find is classed as 23b (mundane) in significance. "This find will br...
Read full storyPiers Morgan Live Given The Old Heave Ho
NEW YORK CITY - CNN has announced that the curtain will fall on Piers Morgan's show, Piers Morgan Live. The British host said that he was a bit surprised as he truly felt that he was doing a bloody bloomin' bang up job. He told Sangria Wine wit...
Read full storyPicasso's glasses found exactly where he left them in the bathroom
Pablo Norman Picasso, Spanish co founder of Cubism and general comedy painter's glasses have been found by his great grandson in his house in France. "He was always losing them", Nornan Picasso told our reporter. "He always accused people of mo...
Read full storyThe White House Has A Dozen Light Bulbs Replaced And Is Billed $789.95
WASHINGTON, D.C. - The White House had some pretty quick explaining to do after receiving a hefty bill for some work that was done. White House press secretary Cal Colfax stated that he called up The Shocking Electric Company to replace 12 light b...
Read full storyAlec Baldwin retires; America celebrates
NEW YAWK -- Anderson Cooper, Rachel Maddox, Harvey Levin, gays, lesbians, bisexuals, transvestites, transsexuals, and 99.99 percent of the rest of the American public are celebrating after sexist, anti-Semitic, racist, homophobic bigot Alex Baldwin,...
Read full storyLocal Man Cuts Down Tree On Old Lady Feeding Pigeons
Harold Gillis told everyone gathered around him that he was sorry that he had cut down the wrong tree and crushed the old lady and several pigeons she was feeding. "Look, it could happen to any of us. We think the tree is going to fall a certain w...
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