THE Booch of THE Loud Goj
Lore! Speighk Mouses as he stanp aboven over hall peipule on his (it's) hell, clapping two timey baldy's with reel forfar and mites! Did thast not tillt that if thoi bayleaf yow wold seat yore wince troube saerfjour, adverturley? Goj walk special in evy dei und evvy weight. Him lies on sandy as a crator wretching him menanwomban frillock innernaround him gurrdjin. But thei shuld bay spayed on,...
Read full storyCIA Just Uses Dominatrix Techniques
On Thursday a Senate intelligence panel will vote to make public a report that shows that the CIA mismanaged its "enhanced interrogation program" by torturing detainees in its "war on terror." The report shows the Agency dealt in water boarding and...
Read full storyDisasters committee launches TV appeal to buy Brit Home Secretary Theresa May a 'magic' ionic hairbrush
London - The nation needs redemption from the savage misery inflicted on hapless TV viewers subjected to close-ups of Theresa May's terrible 'haunted house' hair. In an era of unprecedented advances in hair beauty products Ms May remains a stalwa...
Read full storyTalk Like A Politician
For a long time now Back and to the Left news have shouted and screamed at anybody who will listen that MPs are not from this planet. Finally we have proof. Or something like that. A new position has opened up in the Labour party for someone to c...
Read full storyLocal Worker Says Man In Next Cube Talks Loud - Worried About Disease
Office Park, NJ (New York Times) - Christina Worple, 38, an accountant who works in a local office building, says the person who sits in the cubicle next to her talks very loudly and often makes personal noises that she can hear clearly. Ms. Worpl...
Read full storyAlien Neighbours Pop Around to Borrow a Cup of Sugar
An Alien from Alpha Centauri, our nearest Alien Colony popped in to Buckingham Palace this morning to borrow a cup of sugar. The Alien then sped off in his flying saucer as the Queen waved and blew a kiss. The Alien neighbours are apparently not nois...
Read full storyVladimir Putin's secret bastard offspring named in divorce decree
Moscow - Over thirty years of cloak and dagger shagging has come full circle for the ex-KGB thug whose divorce to buxom blond ex-Khrushchev Airways stewardess Lyudmila Pissoff was finalised today. According to NewsCorpse stringers Papers filed bef...
Read full storyUS Relinquishes Control of the Internet to United Nations Organizational Unit
The US Department of Commerce has not renewed a contract with ICANN, the private, independent US-based organization which has ably overseen worldwide issuance of web addresses/URLs. Our reporters have learned that supervisory authority over the...
Read full storyDonald Trump: I'm Electing Myself President! Gives GOP One Billion Dollar Check!
For the first time in U.S. history one single campaign donation has elected a new president, three years before the actual election! Super Republican wackjob Donald Trump, wrote the GOP a one billion dollar check and elected himself the next Pre...
Read full storyPresident Obama Plans To Issue A Fine To The State of Wisconsin Due To The Swiss Cheese Scandal
WASHINGTON, D.C. - President Obama acting on classified information from the FBI, the CIA, and the IRS recently launched a full-scale investigation into Wisconsin's so called Swiss Cheese Scandal. The scandal is alleged to have originated in a che...
Read full storyArizonans Ask Lame Duck Governor Jan Brewer To Resign
PHOENIX - It appears that many citizens of Arizona, Republicans as well as Democrats, have just about had their fill of the lame duck antics of Governor Jan "The Man" Brewer. Many are saying that it is apparent that Brewer has gone off the deep en...
Read full storyBaseball's umpires-in-New-York system applied to international disputes backfires and alarms The Pope
As with current major league baseball rules for challenging controversial calls, international disputes are now monitored similarly. An umpire from the US is joined by one from Russia, with the third appointed by The Vatican. The three calls to...
Read full storyCalifornia Hires An Earthquake Preventer
SACRAMENTO - The state of California acting on the concerns of thousands of its citizens has decided to take a step towards earthquake prevention. The Golden State has hired one of the world's leading earthquake preventers Hyderpindi Peshgooli, 57...
Read full storyHarrisburg Woman Finds Ancient Map
When Linda Strauss of Harrisburg, PA reached down in between the Bark-o-lounger and the magazine rack, what she found wasn't her earring, but an ancient map of upstate Pennsylvania. Upon study, experts noted that it was at one time used as a kind of...
Read full storyReport Suggests That Texting While Riding A Motorcycle Probably Dangerous
A new report published this week by the National Transportation Safety Board has advised motorcyclists that sending text messages while riding their bikes "is probably pretty dangerous" and "really should be discouraged." While it is illegal to...
Read full storyEx-CIA boss to face grilling
Congressional sources tell Spoof News that former acting CIA director Michael Morell can expect a mouthwatering meal when he faces the House Intelligence Committee on Wednesday morning. "This grilling will include chicken, pork chops, ribs, burge...
Read full storyDead Paedophile Sir Jim to Spin Discs at Dead Paedophile Concert
Impressarios have been queuing up to put on a Hi-Tech Hologram Show featuring a posthumous album release by a dead druggie paedophile. The paedophile cannot be named as his family sue the ass off anything that moves. Leading Necro-pervert D.J. S...
Read full storyObamacares, do you?
'Mercia is making moves to provide its citizens with basic healthcare access and the people could not be more pragmatic and untrusting if they tried. They are greeting this olive branch of social justice with the same trepidation as you would bei...
Read full storyAdorable Royal Baby George Shoots Terrorists and earns 30 Medals on First Day of Tour of Duty in Afghanistan
"Attaboy" Royal Baby Hero Prince George has already gained as many medals as the Duke of Edinburgh and Saddam Hussein combined after a successful first day of duty in a combat helicopter on the front line. According to sources, he shot three terr...
Read full storyScottish Safari - We Hunt Lichen
Saturday: Set off from Euston Station bound for Anglesey. Arrived at 14.05 hrs to be greeted by Lichenologist Hans Nisan Bumpsadaisy. Hans relieves us of his £500 fee and goes to buy a crate of whisky. Alcoholic, Hans wasn't seen again until we found him drunk in the forest the following morning. Sunday: Hunted for Hans in the forest and found him singing and exposing himself to a group of Bene...
Read full storyJustin Bieber Proudly States That Vladimir Putin Has Offered Him Asylum
DETROIT - Justin Bieber performed before a less than sold out crowd at The Carburetor Coliseum in MoTown. After the concert he spoke backstage with Calcutta Cotton of Music Moments Magazine. Miss Cotton asked him if he still feared that he coul...
Read full storyAnn Coulter Says Alec Baldwin Is A Loser and A Nuisance And Should Be Deported
NEW YORK CITY - The latest feud to hit the fan involves GOP political maven Ann "Trigger Face" Coulter and quasi-actor Alec "The Brat" Baldwin. Coulter appeared on The Viagra View and told Larry King and Regis Philbin that she is tired of hearing...
Read full storyPresident Obama's Marriage Is Sailing Very Close To Some Rocks
WASHINGTON, D.C. - An inside source at the White House has stated that there appears to be some trouble brewing in the Obama household and it has nothing to do with Sasha or Malia. The source said that the Obama's have recently engaged in some hea...
Read full storyNorth Korea and South Korea Exchange Fire
PYONGYANG, North Korea - The Rice Paddy, official news agency of North Korea reports that the two Korea's Upper and Lower have exchanged rocket fire. Reports state that North Korea was conducting some off-shore live fire exercises in the Yellow Se...
Read full storyGeorge W. Bush Announces He Has Opened Up The Wieners of Mass Destruction Hot Dog Diner
DALLAS - Former President George W. Bush has just stated that he is as happy as a tickless country coonhound. The ex-president who along with Dickie Cheney and Donnie Rumsfeld cooked up the cockamamie story about the so-called Weapons of Mass Dest...
Read full storyPanic spreads as magnitude-1.9 quake hits Manhattan
NEW YORK, NY - New York City's Mayor, Bill de Blasio, says that the stress toll has risen to more than 239,093, but less than 239,095 from a powerful magnitude-1.9 earthquake that struck off Manhattan earlier today. The quake forced city official...
Read full storyNorth Korea Reports Their Warship The NKS See Ya Soon Has Shot Down An African Drone
PYONGYANG, North Korea - The Rice Paddy News Agency of North Korea has just revealed that the North Korean warship The NKS See Ya Soon has just shot down an African drone that was heading towards the North Korean capital of Pyongyang. The Rice Pad...
Read full storyChelsea Handler's Talk Show Will Not Be Renewed
LOS ANGELES - The E Network has just informed the public that after eight years on the air, they will not be renewing Chelsea Handler's talk show, Chelsea Lately. A spokesperson for the network stated that there were several reasons why the decisi...
Read full storyLady Gaga Turns 28 - Going On 8
NEW YORK CITY - Madonna recently appeared on The View and she told Barbara Walters that she truly believes that Lady Gaga's career is headed straight for the dumpster. She noted that her performance down in Austin at the SXSW in which she had an i...
Read full storyDepressed Peat Bog Diagnosed as Paranoid Schizophrenic
The Post Glacial Depressed Peat Bog at Craig-y-Llyn in Glamorgan, Wales has been recently undergoing treatment for acute depression. A second opinion from psycho-phytologist, Denise R. Scuft indicated a deep rooted schizm of the anterior sphagnatum.
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