NEW YORK, NY - New York City's Mayor, Bill de Blasio, says that the stress toll has risen to more than 239,093, but less than 239,095 from a powerful magnitude-1.9 earthquake that struck off Manhattan earlier today.
The quake forced city officials, bureaucrats and other government teat-suckers to order a 9:00 pm bedtime along the city's entire Atlantic coast for fear of further stress, fear and anxiety of the city's sensitive inhabitants.
New York City has been struck with innumerable calamities recently, including three inches of snow, winds of 17 mph and temperatures dipping into the low 30s.
Thousands have lost confidence, and hundreds of thousands of New Yorkers are spending the night huddled in their beds due to the curfew order, which remains in effect until May.
