Harrisburg Woman Finds Ancient Map

Funny story written by Jackson Hoff

Wednesday, 2 April 2014

image for Harrisburg Woman Finds Ancient Map
A giddy Mrs. Strauss

When Linda Strauss of Harrisburg, PA reached down in between the Bark-o-lounger and the magazine rack, what she found wasn't her earring, but an ancient map of upstate Pennsylvania. Upon study, experts noted that it was at one time used as a kind of navigational tool; all roads, large and small, were named and tagged using different colors. Further, major bridges, mountain ranges, lakes and rivers were identified, most likely to be used as reference points. Cartographers date the find at 35 years old, and in perfectly creased condition.

Commenting on her remarkable find, Mrs. Strauss, 77, told her hairdresser that she hadn't even touched her husband's lounger after he died 12 years earlier. "It gave me the creeps to even go near it. Ernest told me to keep my (damn) hands off it, and I did. But this one time I decided I should poke around. I had lost one of my mother's earrings a year before he died and forgot about it until now. When I found that folded up paper there in my one hand, I knew it wasn't an earring. I knew I was holding something special. Also, I'm sorry for what I did to Ernest."

As the news spread of her find, antique dealers, collectors and people who needed a map began contacting her. All of them offered Mrs. Strauss startling amounts of cash, but she declined to sell, saying that she decided to donate it to the local historical society.

She plans to transport the "map" as locals have begun to call it, to present it to the society herself. Ironically, she's unsure of how to get there. Anyone knowing of reliable road directions from her home to that destination, please contact her via email: lindastrauss@lindastrauss.str between 9 am and 7 pm Monday through Friday.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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