CIA Just Uses Dominatrix Techniques

Funny story written by Keith Shirey

Wednesday, 2 April 2014

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CIA HELPMATE

On Thursday a Senate intelligence panel will vote to make public a report that shows that the CIA mismanaged its "enhanced interrogation program" by torturing detainees in its "war on terror." The report shows the Agency dealt in water boarding and other techniques involving suffering and agony among detainees.

But ex CIA head Jose Rodriguez has come forward to defend such clandestine techniques like the use of stress positions, nudity and "insult slaps," -- to install a sense of hopelessness and despair" among detainees -- as nothing but S/M techniques used by a dominatrix.

"S/M isn't all whips and chains," said the former CIA chief.

"For example, it includes what is called "breath play." This involves cutting off the air or controlling the flow of the air going into the BDSM 'slave.'

This may be done using a plastic bag over their head, putting their face into water, or choking them. This category also often includes sleeper holds," said Mr. Rodriguez. "It's the kind of thing we do."

"Just consider the CIA in terms of practices used by dominas on several million Americans each year and you'll be more sympathetic to our enhanced interrogation programs," said the former head of Central Intelligence.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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