Thousands lost down drain
Hundreds of thousands of tiny sweets disappeared down a road-side drain when a confectionery lorry skidded and overturned yesterday. Driver Nigel Goodie escaped with only minor injuries. "But I had about half-a-ton of 'Hundreds-and-Thousands' on...
Read full storyLorries are a fatal threat to typists
Lorries accounted for one-in-five crashes involving typists, according to a study of traffic accidents in Central London. Typists were also more likely to be injured in mid-sentence than any others on the roads. Researchers have observed marked i...
Read full storyAncient Civilization Accurately Predicts When Their Calendar Will End
MEXICO CITY-People around the world are now saying "Mayan who?" as it appears that the ancient civilization known as the Mixtec have miraculously foretold the exact time and day when their calendar will come to an end. The Mixtec, who originated...
Read full storyKate Moss crashes in Oxford Street
London - An exotic fruit shop hoarding featuring the super model has collapsed causing injury and mayhem in the busy Central London shopping thoroughfare. 38 year-old Kate has been the face of Mango ever since Peaches Geldof turned down the plum r...
Read full storyBalotelli joins "the Hood"!
Controversial (understatement) Italian footy star, Mario Balotelli, has decided to remain anonymous whilst up to his rather naughty antics around the Manchester area. He claims the publicity is just too much when he's acting like a moron; albeit, he'...
Read full storyThe Queen, the Full Moon and a spooky Nostradamus prophecy
London - The Bank of England's Quantitative Easing Committee heard today a new slant on Quatrain #1-86 revealing the French soothsayer's hunch about the Queen's full moon schedule tomorrow. Treasury analysts ruffled plenty of fiscal feathers with...
Read full storyRory McIlroy over Tiger Woods for #1 by Nostradamus
Michel de Nostradame was an ardent golfer, prophet and doctor 500 years ago. People have a hard time understanding prophecy because they think that time is linear. The reason that Tiger Woods can no longer line up a putt is because due to the surgeri...
Read full storyPutin Sheds a Tear for Chelsea
Those puzzled by KGB Manager, Vlad Putin, shedding a tear in Moscow can now be made aware of the awesome truth. Rumours, first revealed by Spoof, that Putin was to be Chelsea's next Manager have proved unfounded. But we can now say why the deal di...
Read full storyPlaster crisis averted - with porridge!
For the fifth year in a row, the UK is suffering from a plaster shortage. This is rendering render difficult and plastering over cracks impossible. "I blame those there DIY tele programmes," said Brad Grammar of B&G Plasterers in Bromwich. "Th...
Read full storyLocal Man Introduces Kebab Mogul Ali Bullo To Spoof Godfather Colonel Juan
In a sensational breaking news story, it can finally be revealed that over the weekend, local man Martin Shuttlecock, actually introduced Spoof Godfather, Colonel Juan, to legendary south coast kebab and burger tycoon, Ali Bullo. Although only ov...
Read full storyHome Workshop Manual for 29 Tools: with users' advice
To the uninitiated, the workshop can be an intimidating place, full of tools you may not know what to do with. To help, here's a helpful explanation of common tools and their uses, followed by some DIY tips: 1 Socket-Sets: A definitely much needed tool. You'll always lose the one you want to use, but the nearest width one can always b utilised to chew-up the bolts. 2 Drill Press: A ta...
Read full storyRihanna Says She Loves Chris Brown and She Has Forgotten All About The Cuts, Bruises, Scrapes, and Abrasions
ATLANTA - Rihanna and Chris Brown were recently spotted having a nice cozy dinner at Hotlanta's IHIPHOP Soul Food Restaurant. The stunning Barbados beauty was wearing a tight-fitting pink T-shirt that read: I Have 4-Given Chrissy. Chris Brown m...
Read full storyBuffalo Teachers Insist : It's in the Water
CNN News recently ran a story about the cosmetic rider that is included in the Buffalo, New York school teacher union health insurance contract. It noted that the "nip and tuck" benefit has cost Buffalo's citizens as much as nine million dollars a y...
Read full storyRocko's Perspective: Small-scale Cases
The Civic Welfare Quick Info receives many e-mails, courier mails, and even packages the size of a wardrobe on featuring some "small-scale" cases that seem big for you. And here it is, problems of yours, guaranteed to be given some answers! Case 1: A friend invited me on a movie marathon, so I brought a bucket of popcorn. But even I love eating popcorn (and I can't resist eating it) while watch...
Read full storyChristina Aguilera Is Furious At Joan Rivers For Insinuating That She Is Pregnant
BEVERLY HILLS - Christina Aguilera was sitting at The Haven of Hair Salon on Rodeo Drive getting her roots colored and her feet massaged. As she was sitting in a plush chair talking to the salon's owner FuFi Fondue she saw Joan Rivers on the salon...
Read full storyI Always Wanted to be a Serial Killer
Okay, here's the thing, I always want to be a serial killer but never had the stomach for it. Don't ask me why. The only answer I can come up with is because of the way they are glamorized in the news and on television these days. That and, you know how we all fantasize about killing people that just plain piss us off? Well, I could never come up with ways that would be suitable to me. I mean, I r...
Read full storyDerek Hough and Maksim Chmerkovskiy Want To Buy Ian Somerhalder and Nina Dobrev's Vampire Sux Bar & Grill
LOS ANGELES - Two of the stars of the hit dance show Dancing With The Stars have been looking for a nice restaurant to purchase together. Derek "The Dancing Dude" Hough and Maksim "The Bad Boy of The Ballroom" Chmerkovskiy recently spoke with the...
Read full storyBreitbart Secret Revealed
Shortly before his untimely, and some would say suspicious death, Andrew Breitbart announced that he was making it his mission to do the job that the mainstream media had so miserably failed to do during the 2008 Presidential campaign: the vetting of...
Read full storyTwo Mannings In New York?
The biggest rumor being spread by NFL fans today is that Peyton Manning may sign with the New York Jets and join his brother in New York. Although neither brother will admit it, nor their dad when called, the Jet players say that their quarterback...
Read full storyIs Rush Limbaugh's Wife really a Slut?
Oops! Did I really just infer that Limbaugh's wife is a slut? I'm really sorry if I did. I'm sure she probably isn't. Please forgive me. I must have been talking out my ass. Drat! I've just been warned by The Spoof's word counting algorithm that I can't publish this totally fictitious crank of Limbaugh latest sewer soliloquy yet. It seems that I ran afoul of the minimum word requirement, which...
Read full storyPerson With Mental Disorder Shot By a Police Officer That Also Has Mental Disorder
TOKELAU, NZ (CWTS World News) -- Cray Zeeman, a person with schizophrenia, was shot by a police officer that also had schizophrenia after going on a rampage in a gasoline station. According to the gasoline station's cashier and some CCTV camera fo...
Read full storyBrazil's Star Striker Axed Amid Weight Concerns
Two time Ballon D'or winner and Blue Peter badge recipient, Flabinho, has been told by Brazilian head coach, Claudio Crappeira, that he wont be selected again for Brazil until he resolves his ongoing weight problems. It is not the first time that...
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