The Adventures Of Louis de Vascony Chapter I
In Which I First Espy Roxanna, Comtesse de Vaudeville Ah, Madame Garotte, stands yet your hugger-mugger maison at the end of the crooked track in the High Jabonne? I long to drink the black wine of Drucy from your squat tumblers, and stand beneath the oak lintel at dusk, listening to the song of the woodcock pierce the velvet summer night. Oh, Madame Garotte, do the fragrant skirts of petite Y...
Read full storyAt $250m is Paul Cézanne's 'The Card Players' the art world's equivalent of the Hitler Diaries hoax?
London - As hoaxes go this one's expensive and may have fooled the Middle Eastern gas-rich state of Qatar's royal family into parting with $250 million of their hard-earned shekels - er...dinars! Cézanne's 'The Card Players' is one of five painted...
Read full storyBermondsey cats and dogs home bought by Korean partners
World renowned Bermondsey cats and dogs home has been rescued at the last minute from certain bankruptcy, after huge debts would have closed the centre within weeks and that would have meant certain death for all the animal residents. Luckily,...
Read full storySoviet treachery revealed as SS Nicholson's '£2bn of platinum' turns out to be 80 tonnes of iron pyrites
Cape Cod - The bullion was supposed to be a payment from the Soviet Union to the United States for war supplies, dispatched to New York from England aboard the SS Nicholson in June 1942. It was sunk off Cape Cod by a German U-boat killing a crew o...
Read full storyTrump Wants To Hire Jedi Masters, As Romney Vows To Complicate Government
Today, February 3, 2012 Mitt Romney and Donald Trump has discussed being running mates if Mitt Romney wins the republican nomination. As a part of this discussion they brainstormed plans on how to get the economy moving again and protect America's ec...
Read full story10 Musts for a Professional Email
In today's cutthroat global economy, workers must do everything they can to differentiate themselves. One way to do so is by using a distinctive and highly professional email style. Here are ten musts that will ensure that your email cries out, "I am a professional!" 1. Background. White? That's yesterday's black. No, today's world cries out for more than monochrome. Red, lime, yellow, pi...
Read full storyPunxsutawney Phil's Proven Power to Portend Powers Profits for a Plethora of Companies
Punxsutawney Phil - If he sees his shadow, 60 days more of winter. If no shadow, say good-bye to winter soon! In the United States, February 2 is GROUNDHOG DAY. For those not familiar with it, Groundhog Day involves the long-standing tradition o...
Read full storyAnonymous Computer Group Reveals Transcript of FBI Scotland Yard Conversation
The Anonymous computer group has revealed the transcript of the conversation they intercepted between Scotland Yard and the FBI. During the conversation FBI operativea are heard to discuss the operation to intercept the Anonymous groups computer...
Read full storyTime to throw out the Cold War trash as Tuesday's Full Moon promises to be a shocker
London - Decades of spoonfeeding a gullible public mountainloads of House of Windsor crap could come crashing down on Hellfire Club heads this Tuesday, astrologers warned today. An exalted Sun/Mercury conjunction opposing the Leo Full Moon is comp...
Read full storyBlackburn Rovers are Becoming Ridiculous, says a Man
A man said earlier today that Blackburn Rovers, the much-loved northern soccer club, are becoming ridiculous. When pressed on his astonishing accusation the man, 45, said that every time they appear in the newspapers or on Sky Sports News, Blackbu...
Read full storyPennsylvania Government Imposes Unconstitutional New Exhaust Regulations
Pennsylvania legislature voted unanimously Friday April 8th 2011 to provide Bovine subsidies to cattle farmers to help them comply with their ultra strict Pennsylvania Climate Change Act of July 2008. This subsidy will reimburse farmers $1,000 per a...
Read full storyTransfer Window: Mourinho to return to Premier League at end of season - but with who?
Premier League chairman were measuring their linen baskets and coaches looking over their shoulders last night upon the news that 'special one' Jose Mourinho wants to leave Real Madrid and return to the Premier League at the end of the season - but t...
Read full storyUS outlaws satire: too hard to understand; primaries enough
In a startling reverse of policies dating from the Revolutionary period, the U.S. has suspended the constitution and instituted censorship of all satire whether written or spoken. Comedians and writers are left stunned, as much as by facing the need...
Read full storyMitt Romney: The Poor Don't Know How Hard It Is To Be Filthy Rich
In an interview this morning at Caesar's Palace on the Vegas strip, Mitt Romney attempted to alleviate the fears of the poor with regard to his candidacy. "The problem we've had with this media led charge against me, is that it is all completely o...
Read full storyThe three losers of the week
Freddie's now no longer Sir, I'm misunderstood he cries, Poor old Freddie got the blame, For all those banker's lies, Now simply Freddie Goodwin, Ha, now no Sir in front, Was he was told by letter? Try shredding that you cunt. Chris Huhne is one useless twat, He got caught when speeding, Now then Chris here's a little tip, You know where this is leading, With a little common sense...
Read full storyCondoleezza Rice Voted World's Sexiest Woman
Hot magazine's eagerly awaited annual survey of the world's sexiest women - which independent arbitrators have established has scientific value because it includes maths and stuff - has unexpectedly named former US Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice...
Read full storyTransfer Window: Knighthood moves back to Palace in last minute deal
The knighthood of RBS 'banker' Sir Fred Bad-Karma has sensationally moved back to its former home of Buckingtooth Palace. The move came around after a public outcry, namely a Mr Deesgusted from Tunbridge Wells, and the knighthood revealed to it's...
Read full storyMore Bonus Culture
Bank Chief Executive Gee Whizz has denounced those who are 'attacking the Bonus Culture'. He advised Bankers to declare industrial action and vote for a strike. 'When the money runs out' he sneered 'the Government will come to us on bended knees.
Read full storySnow forecast shock
Spoof's weather expert, Just Winter, has shocked the world with a weather forecast which has got the Meteorological Office into a flat spin. 'There won't be much snow' said Winter 'it won't be much colder than it usually is at this time of year.'...
Read full storyToo Hot for Huhne
Chris Huhne Energy and Climate Change Minister has resigned because he is 'shagged out' and is finding life getting too hot, despite the coldest spell of the year. Also Ex Wife Vicky Pryce has become too expensive after she sent in her bill for drivi...
Read full storyJoey Barton - inspiring writers worldwide
In a week when it was announced that 130 million tweets per day are not worth reading - I feel its time to pay tribute to a leg-end of the 140 character club - step up to the plate Mr Joey 'seph' Barton, formerly of Mancester and Noocastle, now of Lundon. Barton brings literatue to the masses. Many know him for his high jinx at christmas parties and nightclubs, some are even aware he performs o...
Read full storyRumbled: Illuminati plot to conjure up Victoria Cross for Falklands wannabe William
London - An inevitable Hollywood blockbuster has also bombed as a plot by Palace Enlightened Ones upping Prince William to national hero-dom lies on the cutting room floor today. The top secret scam alongside the Argentine military was to have mag...
Read full storyTime/space travel a reality admits United Nations
Ny Nyson, NY, NY: Yesterday evening I was very privaliged to be shown the transporter room deep in the undercofts of the United Nations Building complex. I can attest that it is no longer 'Star Treck' fiction, although for the forseeable future, it w...
Read full storyThe Twilight Saga Midnight Sun
Twilight Saga superstar and teen heart throb Robert Pattinson has spilled the beans on confidential information regarding the the twilight series. During an interview with Regis and Kelly on friday night pattinson let slip that what was thought to be...
Read full storyChavez OKs New Venezuela Disneyland
CARACAS, VENEZUELA -- President Hugo Chavez today approved construction of the controversial "Che Guevara Disneyland," a $500 million entertainment facility that will include a special Guerrilla Land in addition to Disney's more typical facilities su...
Read full storyRedknapp in shock transfer to play Bagpuss in new TV drama series
Alleged tax fiddler and self-confessed ungreediest man in Britain is leaving Tottenham in the next few weeks to take up a role in a new TV drama. He has been pencilled in by top bosses to play Bagpuss, the saggy old cloth cat in an upcoming...
Read full storyJohn Terry 'didn't have the legs' to step down as England captain
John Terry refused to resign as England captain as he did not have the legs to stand down, according to a source close to the player. The Chelsea skipper, who received a date for his trial on charges of racial abuse, would have needed to undergo a...
Read full storyQueen Stripped Of Title
The Queen, anachronistic monarch of the United Kingdom, has had her historical crown taken away from her by the Forfeiture Commitee. This little known and un-elected room-full of toffs - who the other day stripped poor old Fred Goodwin of his knig...
Read full storyLonely? There's an app for that
Sirius Cybernetics, the Lancashire based iPhone applelet company, have released the app that lonely people have been crying out for: iBud. As with all Sirius Cybernetics applelets their app hooks into the iPhone 4S's Siri, the artificial intelligence...
Read full storyDenise Welch reveals her ambitions
Recent Big Brother winner, Denice Welch, 53, has stated her intent to sleep with everybody in Britain before she reaches her 60th birthday. Already a quarter of the way through, she says she intends to complete her quest and then divorce her long su...
Read full storyLana Del Ray axed from the Superbowl
The new singing sensation Lana Del Rey has been dramatically axed from the superbowl half-time entertainment this weekend after organisers discovered she is actually a part-time drag artist called Eliza Ray Grunt. The ruse was discovered after an...
Read full storyContenders for Chief Rabbi's position line up ahead of his retirement
With the news of the imminent retirement of Lord Jonathan Sachs as Chief Rabbi of the UK, Northern Ireland and Grimsby, a host of early applicants and contenders for the position have today been revealed. Front runner, not only because of his exis...
Read full storyObama's Economic Growth Plan - Fire 80,000 in US Military
WASHINGTON, DC - In his State of The Union Address, President Obama praised US troops for their hard work, competence, honor, selfless service, and ability to exceed expectations. Afterward, he announced that he would fire 80,000 members of the US Ar...
Read full storyPresident Obama Is Seriously Considering Dumping Joe Biden and Having Bill Clinton Run As His 2012 Vice-President
WASHINGTON, D.C. - There are some political rumblings in the White House concerning Vice-President Joe Biden and the fact that he may not be on the 2012 Presidential ticket with President Obama. Sinclair Petaluma with The Political Salad Bar is re...
Read full storyGary Busey's Frantic 911 Call: "Hello Earth, This Is Gary Busey and I'm Calling From Jupiter"
HOLLYWOOD HILLS - Well it is now official, Gary Busey has just taken over the nickname of "The Space Cadet" from Charlie "No Show" Sheen. According to reports published in The Tinsel Town Times Tribune, Fajita San Guacamole wrote that while Gary's...
Read full storyBarack Obama's Original Birth Certificate Found In Bin Laden's Safe: Buried At Sea
BILLINGSGATE POST: Although most insiders believe that President Obama ordered SEAL Team 6 to execute Osama Bin Laden because of the upcoming Presidential election this November, BILLINGSGATE private investigator, Detrick "Dirty Trick" Detwiler, unc...
Read full storyVice-President Joe Biden To Guest Star With Nina Dobrev and Ian Somerhalder On The Vampire Diaries
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Loretta L. Luftnagle, a spokesperson for The Vampire Diaries, has just informed the entertainment media that Vice-President Joe Biden has agreed to appear in an upcoming episode of the popular television series. Vampire Diaries...
Read full storyX-Factor's Simon Cowell Trying To Lure Ryan Seacrest Away From American Idol
LOS ANGELES - Simon Cowell, AKA "The British Bulldog" and X-Factor mogul says that the reason he fired Paula Abdul, Nicole Scherzinger, and Steve Jones is simply because they just didn't bring their "A" game. Cowell who many say has the Midas Touc...
Read full storyBarstuck's to Begin Serving Medicinal Marijuana for Happy Hour
Barstuck's Cafe today announced that it will begin serving Medicinal Marijuana in specially selected Barstuck's fitted with small smoking rooms. On the heals of recent trials of serving beer and wine, Barstuck's official said it was just a natural p...
Read full storyAmong The New Romantic Books
with Tilly Wrestleman Greetings friends! 'Tis almost that most Romantic time of year again. That especial day, when the gallant lover gets out the batter-pan and addresses the pancakes in honour of the Jewish Patron Saint of Scottish watercourses, Rabbi Burns. I am singing of that night when an heap of steaming crepes is laid out for the delectation of our lover and his lass, in honour of Sh...
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