HOLLYWOOD HILLS - Well it is now official, Gary Busey has just taken over the nickname of "The Space Cadet" from Charlie "No Show" Sheen.
According to reports published in The Tinsel Town Times Tribune, Fajita San Guacamole wrote that while Gary's fiancée Steffanie (sic) was in Beverly Hills getting her hair done at FuFi Fondue's Haven of Hair Salon on Rodeo Drive, Gary managed to get into the mini-bottle glass cabinet and drank down about 19 of those little hotel commemorative alcohol bottles.
Busey, who is hard to understand when he is 100 percent sober is almost impossible to understand when he is under the influence of what the Cheyenne Indians used to call "Heap damn good firewater."
Steffanie said that while she was at the beauty salon she got a frantic call from their landscaper Tico Rico San Franfritos. The native of Nicaragua said that he had walked into the house to tell Mr. Gary that some Girl Scouts wanted to see him about his purchasing some Girl Scout cookies like he had promised.
Mr. San Franfritos said that as he walked into the kitchen he heard Mr. Gary on the phone making a frantic 911 call. Gary yelled out "Hello Earth, this is Gary Busey and I'm calling from Jupiter."
At first San Franfritos thought that maybe Jupiter was the name of his house since most Hollywood celebrities name their mansions like Derek Hough's Casa Cha Cha Cha, Rob Pattinson's The Vampire Villa, and Simon Cowell's Casa La T-Shirt.
But when he saw Gary actually trip on the Doberman Pinscher and knock a $700,000 genuine Picasso off the kitchen wall he knew that Gary was boracho (drunk).
He took the phone away from him and tended to the dog who had sustained a slight scratch to his belly region.
Gary looked fine except for the fact that he was drunker than a skunk and smelled like the floor of a third rate Costa Rican cantina (bar).
Steffanie soon arrived and helped San Franfritos take Gary up to their upstairs bedroom.
She thanked San Franfritos for his help and explained to him that Gary has just not been the same ever since he got eliminated last year from Donald Trump's Celebrity Apprentice.
She then pointed out that last September he really got kind of messed up mentally when he was in Tarzana at The Tarzan & Jane Petting Zoo and he got bit by a yellow breasted, sap-sucking woodpecker on his left onion.
To learn more about the interesting roller coaster life of Gary Busey go to www.garybuseyisoneweirdsumbitch.wow.
