Trump Wants To Hire Jedi Masters, As Romney Vows To Complicate Government

Funny story written by Jack Goff

Friday, 3 February 2012

Today, February 3, 2012 Mitt Romney and Donald Trump has discussed being running mates if Mitt Romney wins the republican nomination. As a part of this discussion they brainstormed plans on how to get the economy moving again and protect America's economic interests against countries like China.

One of the other hot button topics to come up was how to rewrite a new version of S.O.P.A. (Stop Online Piracy Act) and P.I.P.A. (Protect IP Act) so that it doesn't so broadly give the means for copyright owners to sue and seek criminal charges against unintended copyright infringement.

According to Mitt Romney the current version of S.O.P.A. and P.I.P.A can lead to a 5 year prison term for those who sing Happy Birthday during a birthday party and then submit it to Youtube. Donald Trump said, "This is ridiculous, I'm an old rich guy who looks like a beaver but I am not going to support legislation that will put little Cindy Lou Whoo in prison because she sings Happy Birthday to the Grinch who stole Christmas." Mr. Trump continued by saying, "We need to target clear acts of infringement intent on the acquisition of wealth based on other people's copyrighted material."

I was given the opportunity to ask Mitt Romney and Donald Trump what changes they would make to these two controversial bills and Mitt Romney replied by saying, "The first thing we need to do is clarify the law and get rid of the broadness of it and make it more of a precision scalpel that can be used to target specific people." Romney continued by saying, "By the time we rewrite these two bills our goal is for it to be more than 3,000 pages long. It will need to be that long in order to cover all the specifics, plus I want to knock Obamacare off the throne as the largest bill with the most red tape."

Later after the meeting I asked Donald Trump if he thought adding 3,000 pages of specifics to these two laws would fix the problems they are plagued with. Donald Trump answered by saying, "To be honest with you, I think Mitt Romney is an idiot. The only reason why I am publicly endorsing him is because I know that my endorsement, a rich guys endorsement of a republican candidate will only push moderates, independents, and liberals further away from the Romney band wagon."

I asked Mr. Trump why he thought that would be beneficial and he replied, "I am secretly a Ron Paul supporter, and I am simply trying to sabotage the front runners chance of winning the republican nomination."

I asked Mr. Trump if he could give any advice to congress on how to rewrite S.O.P.A. and P.I.P.A., what would that advice be? Trump replied by saying, "I would urge them to start a new counsel used for oversight of the S.O.P.A. and P.I.P.A. laws. This counsel would be made up of Jedi Masters from all across the universe, many of which would have to travel far, far away from their home planets. I even have a name for this new counsel and it is the Jedi Justice League Of Corporations."

Later this afternoon I was given the opportunity during a Presidential press conference to ask President Obama what he thought of Trump's endorsement of Romney and their take on fixing S.O.P.A. and P.I.P.A. President Obama answered with the following, "Well, it's uggh, no surprise, uggh, that one of the nations richest people is supporting a, uggh, republican candidate. What I do find surprising is that Mr. Romney thinks he can write a bill more complicated and full of, uggh, red tape than Mecare (jokingly referred to Obama care). Romney may be able to come up with a larger bill, but there is, uggh, no way he can make it page for page, uggh, more complicated than Mecare. I am the Pontus of complication and I assume I always will be." President Obama continued by saying, "It doesn't surprise me that Mr. Trump would use such deceitful tactics to sway the outcome of the 2012 election. He stole a play right out of my 2008 election playbook. Now he is stealing a play out of my 2012 playbook by wanting to use Jedi Masters to enforce copyright laws."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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