Hot magazine's eagerly awaited annual survey of the world's sexiest women - which independent arbitrators have established has scientific value because it includes maths and stuff - has unexpectedly named former US Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice as its number one for 2012.
A spokesman said, "What? She's really hot! And, so far as we know, single. What's the point of us picking Angelina Jolie again. She's screwing Brad Pitt for Jesus' sake so she's very unlikely to ever become available to our average reader."
An average reader concurred, saying he masturbated primarily on the basis of availability. When reached for a response at a top overseas summit on something or other Ms Rice bared her breasts and wiggled provocatively. Tom Brady, asked for his opinion at a pre-Superbowl press conference, said, "Yeah, definitely."
