Gritters asked not to take short cuts

Funny story: Gritters asked not to take short cuts

As the weather in Britain worsens and turns freezing, the gritters are out in force. In one borough of East Manchester the gritters have been asked not to take short cuts this year. "We're not talking about only half filling the bucket, or failure...

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Profanity Added to 'The Wizard of Oz' for New Generation

HOLLYWOOD - In a bid to keep the property successful and relevant in the 21st Century, Turner Entertainment announced this week that the classic film The Wizard of Oz will be augmented with obscene language in preparation for a Summer theatrical rele...

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Magic mushrooms are good for brains, say neurosurgeons

A team of neuroscientists and brain surgeons have found that ingesting magic mushrooms really does help when it comes to tricky brain problems. Over a six month trial period at a Ruffcutts Hospital, they ingested magic mushrooms before carrying ou...

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Carling Cup: Investigation into Welsh team reaching Final

Funny story: Carling Cup: Investigation into Welsh team reaching Final

Scottish football manager Kenny McDalglish has called on football authorities to investigate how a Welsh team have found themselves to be playing in the English League Cup Final. Liverpool reached the final last week with an aggregate win over Man...

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Media outrage at "disgraceful" Brits abroad

Funny story: Media outrage at "disgraceful" Brits abroad

There has been a media frenzy about a group of Brits who travelled abroad and behaved disgracefully last week. The Daily Mail described them as "an embarrassment to the whole country". The Guardian called them "a sad inditement [sic] of our youth". T...

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BBC breakfast presenters are called "wankers" by US comic !

Funny story: BBC breakfast presenters are called "wankers" by US comic !

Cuddly Bill Turnbull and "Cum Dancing" expert Sian Williams who host the BBC breakfast bore were both called "wankers" today by the US stand-up comic, Dave Fulton. Dave didn't actually realise that calling someone a "wanker" is swearing because in...

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Barry would like to be your friend

Funny story: Barry would like to be your friend

You have 1 new friend request from Barry. You have 1 new message from Barry, sent 1 Feb 18:35. hello mate its me barry. remember we was at school together. remember that one time we flushed your trousers down the toilet that was facking hilarious. then that other time you and biffer got into a fight and he beat the crap out of you. good times anyways im in town and i need somewhere to crash...

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Furious catfight as Samantha Cameron and Sally Bercow both claim inspiration behind Commons' 'Top Totty' beer

Funny story: Furious catfight as Samantha Cameron and Sally Bercow both claim inspiration behind Commons' 'Top Totty' beer

London - Described on the handpump as 'a stunning blonde beer, full-bodied and voluptuous' the Strangers Bar guest ale is hardly an Ann (48GG-38-44) Widdecombe tribute tipple judging by the semi-naked Bunny Girl pic emblazoned on the tap. Tonight...

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Nancy Pelosi on Newt Gingrich: The 'something' she knows

Funny story: Nancy Pelosi on Newt Gingrich: The 'something' she knows

WASHINGTON, DC --- Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi has told close friends what the "something" is she knows about Newt Gingrich, as a result of her, having served on the investigative committee that looked into ethics charges against the former House Sp...

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Mitt Romney Promises to Fix Safety Net In His Spare Time

Funny story: Mitt Romney Promises to Fix Safety Net In His Spare Time

To alleviate fears that Mitt Romney is out of touch with the American poor, staffers today fanned out around the country to deliver soundbites designed to show how much he really cares: Las Vegas - "Mitt really does care about the safety net. He h...

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The Big Freeze, or How I Learned to Love Big Oil

Funny story: The Big Freeze, or How I Learned to Love Big Oil

This January of 2051 marks the 30th anniversary of the start of the "Big Freeze" which began in the winter of 2020-21. We know now, and have known for more than two decades, that it was the misguided campaign of "Big Green" in the late 20th century and early this century which led to this near-catastrophe for the world. Only this week, The International Panel for Carbon Combustion (IPCC) publis...

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Miraculously Woman With Two Vaginas Locates Man With Two Penises

Funny story: Miraculously Woman With Two Vaginas Locates Man With Two Penises

Dating is a slipper slope in the best of circumstances but add a little adversity to the situation and it could seem almost impossible to find a suitable mate. Well a woman with a malady that could be considered a little adversity has found the pe...

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Gingrich, Santorum, Paul - You're Fired - I'm going for MITM, declares Donald Trump

Funny story: Gingrich, Santorum, Paul - You're Fired - I'm going for MITM, declares Donald Trump

Donald Trump's endorsement of Mitt-in-the-Mouth Romney came as some surprise, but it is understood from an inside source that MITM transferred a Swiss bank account to the multibillionaire businessman. In a short statement, he said, "Mitt is the...

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Too many Superpacks cause slips of the tongue, admits Romney

Funny story: Too many Superpacks cause slips of the tongue, admits Romney

Nevada: Mitt-in-the-mouth Romney blames the differing policies of his numerous Superpacks for confusing him, and that is why his public gaffs are being debated in all the media. There are billions of dollars being spent by groups of his friends to sh...

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Environmentalists buoyant as surge in sea levels comprehensively outstripped by rise in water prices

Buoyant environmentalists across the UK have asserted their satisfaction that the anticipated surge in sea levels around the globe has been comprehensively outstripped by an average 5.7% rise in household water prices. Scientists believe sea level...

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Nina Dobrev and David Duchovny Get it On in Red Shoe Diaries

Funny story: Nina Dobrev and David Duchovny Get it On in Red Shoe Diaries

HOLLYWOOD - It's no secret that Vampire Diaries leading lady, Nina Dobrev, has the hots for X-Files FBI Agent Fox Mulder, David Duchovny. "Forget Ian Somerhalder," Nina was overheard saying at a restaurant this past weekend. "I got my sight set on...

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Heidi Montag Confesses That Being A Sex Symbol Has Its Negative Sides

Funny story: Heidi Montag Confesses That Being A Sex Symbol Has Its Negative Sides

WEST HOLLYWOOD - Heidi Montag recently stated that she knew she had made the "Big Time" last year when she appeared in Staccato Monteverdi's The Naked Cougar of Cucamonga with Rob Pattinson. Montag was talking to Carolina Chipotle of Bedroom Pillo...

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February 2, 1847: First Victim of Donner Party Dies

Funny story: February 2, 1847: First Victim of Donner Party Dies

The first victim of the Donner Party died on this date. Her name, Hondo Thwaite, 26 years old, was discovered cold, stiff, and dead. The remaining 87 starving members of the ill-fated expedition to California then had to decide what to do with Ms. Thwaite's remains. Forty voted for a "Hondo Bouillabaise". Twenty voted for a "Hondo Thwaite Barbecue festival. Fifteen voted to saute' her...

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Alf Garnet: Austerity

Funny story: Alf Garnet: Austerity

"Look, Looook! Yu bludy Labour party, spent all our money on thier namby pamby bludy lesbian and gay community centres! Thats why, yu Tories, yu Tories mate, thats why yu Camerons are finding it ard to make ends meet! They cant sell the bludy fings! Stuck wiv em they are, poor bludy sods, who's goin to buy, a second hand, run darn bludy community centre? Go on! herherher, the Labour party! Thats w...

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Midsomer Murders: Ho-wow... More Of This Madness Please

Funny story: Midsomer Murders: Ho-wow... More Of This Madness Please

Completely nuts! It doesn't get much better than this. Just what we want from a TV detective show. Your childhood memories remember the camp old actor who buys it in the opening scenes: the old nutter gets up in the middle of a stormy night, goes up to the roof of his ancestral pile and tries to repair a flag, for crying out loud. Little wonder that DCI Barnaby is investigating his murder a...

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British Space Industry finally ready for take-off

Funny story: British Space Industry finally ready for take-off

After seventy years in the planning, the British Space Industry is finally ready to launch it's first astro-noughts this summer. "It's a little known fact," said Brian Cox, "but Britain invented space-travel. All the technology other countries use...

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The Who's lost lyrics from Substitute found inside Happy Meal

Fans of The Who are presently engaged in a bidding war on Ebay for the lost lyrics from the song "Substitute". The words scrawled on the back of a Kung Fu Panda toy were discovered in a Happy Meal by the vendor who wishes to remain anonymous. At the time of writing the price had shot up to £2.47 with still a day to go. You can judge for yourself if the price is right, as we have managed t...

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Romney admits he doesn't understand what 'poor' means

Funny story: Romney admits he doesn't understand what 'poor' means

On CNN his morning, GOP frontrunner Mitt-in-the-Mouth Romney tells presenter Solidad O'Brian that the concept of 'poor' is not within his vocabulary or comprehension. "I have never met a poor person," he admitted, "Where do they live? Are they ne...

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