Olympians Inspiring New Generation of Sports Viewers
The recent success of the London 2012 Olympics, and Team GB in particular, have reignited what was until recently a dwindling love of sitting on one's arse watching sports amongst the British public. Never before have such a large number of Brits...Read full story
Levi Johnston To Fight Bristol Palin For Full Custody of Son Tripp
WASILLA, Alaska - Levi Johnston, 22, has finally come out and told it like it is. The baby daddy of Bristol Palin's son Tripp Johnston spoke with Bedroom Pillow Talk and revealed some rather interesting facts. Levi told Carolina Chipotle that he d...Read full story
Latest NASA Mission - SPERM
Vandenberg AFB / 30th Space Wing (AP) - Like a facial on a Friday night, NASA's latest mission will hit you right between the eyes as they search for information to help the Western Snowy Plover reproduce. The Snowy Plover Ecological Reconnaissance M...Read full story
Road-a-Kill fast food opens in eleven southern states!
The Reverend T.J. McCorkle of Louisburg, NC, announced today the opening of his fast food chain, Road-a-Kill. "We've had thousands of folks waiting in line all day long at all of our locations," said McCorkle. "We been eat'in road kill all our lives, now you can go right to the corner, mingle with your cousins, and eat road kill fixed the right way!" "How's that?" called out a reporter from the...Read full story
Curiosity Confirms We Are Not Alone!
JPL/Pasadena California - Scientists announced that the Mars Science Laboratory / Curiosity Rover has in fact discovered a sign of intelligent life on the Red plant. Analysis of the initial data is ongoing; however, there is a clear signature that Ma...Read full story
New Glock Gun "No Cause For Concern" Due To Its "Projectile Free" Nuclear Chain Reaction Design -- NRA President Assures A Thrilled Congress
In any other setting NRA President Wayne LaPierre's announcement of a new assault weapon capable of incinerating all within a six mile radius "depending on wind and topography" might have raised eyebrows if not incited panic. Not in Congress where fe...Read full story
Lord Clegg slams House of Lords bastards
London - Deputy Prime Monster Nick Clegg has blamed 'bastards' in the Lords for failure to abolish the illegitimate and anachronistic House of Commons. Speaking to reporters at a lunchtime briefing Lord Clegg described how he'd successfully infilt...Read full story
Mars Rover Curiosity Lands Safely on Mars before Sinking in Quicksand
The NASA robot dubbed "Curiosity" landed safely on Mars Sunday night smack dab in the middle of a deep pit of quicksand and sunk before any useful data could be collected. Curiosity, the largest and most advanced spacecraft ever sent to another pl...Read full story
President Obama demands to see Mitt Romney's dental records
The President's re election campaign committee demanded to see the dental records of Mitt Romney going back at least three years. "The American people deserve a president with good teeth, especially since health care will be in shambles in a f...Read full story
Obama Drops Out Of Presidential Race And Out Of The Presidency. He Has Had It With A Nation Of Crybabys.
President Obama has shocked the nation when, at his monthly public address, he announced that he was quitting the Presidential race. Millions of voters across the nation were either shocked, angered or joyous at the incident. As you can probably gues...Read full story
Homeless Martians greet US robot and beg for food!
The US robot, Curiosity, that landed safely on Mars and cost the US tax-payer $2,5 billion dollars had a strange encounter of the third kind! Curious Martians approached the craft with begging bowls in their hands thinking that the "Messiah Mc Do...Read full story
David Ortiz Stretches his Achilles Tendon to New Lengths
The latest DL denizen of the Red Sox continues to find healing of his heel beyond the scope of the medical staff. Yes, the Honorable David Ortiz, DH, DL, is beginning to look and sound like he is switching his agency to Scott Boras. The original h...Read full story
Selected Political News for W/E 5th August 2012 + comments
Monday 30th July 2012 Topic: Benefits Headline: Source: The Sun Extract: 900,000 Brits have been on the sick for more than ten years - with hundreds claiming cash for obesity, headaches and even ACNE. And there are virtually no checks to see whether the 885,100 people who have received incapacity benefit for a decade still need it. The figure includes 22,640 alcoholics and drug...Read full story
A True Diary of Woe - Part 60 - Big, Busty, Brutal, Beautiful, Belinda
A diary of one man's (Using the term lossely) utter failure, depression, frustration, cock-ups, and impecuniousness, starting in August 1947 Chapter 105:Tesco's Big, Busty, Brutal Belinda I was on my way to Tesco, on Bath Street, Ilkeston for my first duties there. A nice sunny morning, plodding along on my Norton, young, fit, just promoted, willing and able, and full of the joys of spr...Read full story
Selected Nottingham News for W/E 5th August 2012 + comments
Monday 30th July 2012 Topic: Crime - Assault - Stabbing "Two more teenagers arrested over West Bridgford stabbing" Source: This is Nottingham Extract: Two more teenagers have been arrested in connection with a stabbing of a 17-year-old boy at a party in West Bridgford yesterday. The two 15-year-old boys will be interviewed by officers today. Police were called to reports of a dis...Read full story
My Senior Moments: W/E: 5th August 2012
Monday 30th July 2012 * Hurray... some sleep last night, great! * Remembered I'd forgot something for last Saturday's Senior Moments diary: When I went to catch the bus back from Bulwell, I again tried to use me bank card by mistake for me bus pass! Then, got seated, got the crossword book out and failed to find any answers... then the driver told us all that the bus would not start, and...Read full story
Margaret Thatcher wakes up with a Scottish Accent
Last month it was reported that Christopholous Theothopolous, aka George Michael, suffered a curious malady whereby he awoke from his pneumonic slumbers to find that he now spoke in a west country accent. Since then, we can tell you that the Hellenic...Read full story
Winning Olympics "pointless" according to foundation
The foundation of the Olympic Games came with an Declaration: It is not the winning that counts but the taking part. It came a surprise to the packed auditorium yesterday when the slogan displayed prominently for all to see announced: It is the w...Read full story
Rat and the Olympic Games
London, England. The Thirtieth Games of the Modern Olympiad being held in this town have reached a new low with the awarding of a gold medal to a sewer rat that somehow found its way into the sewerage pipes inside the Athletes Village. Experts cl...Read full story
Snoop Dogg Changes His Name (Again)
WATTS, California - The Yo Bro Record Label Company has just announced that one of its featured artists Snoop Dogg has just changed his name. The man who was born Calvin Cordozar Broadus, Jr. and started performing under the name Snoop Puppy Dogg...Read full story
Ian Somerhalder and Nina Dobrev To Star In "Fifty Shades of Grey"
HOLLYWOOD - The Bedroom Pillow Talk Entertainment News Agency has just announced that Pipe Dream Films has acquired the movie rights to the E.L. James novel Fifty Shades of Grey. The erotic book has already sold 32 million copies world wide includ...Read full story
Live! With Kelly & Anderson?
NEW YORK CITY - After what seems like a year of trying out guest hosts, it appears that Live! With Kelly may just have found it's new co-host. Kelly Ripa has stated that if the choice were totally up to her she would pick Anderson Cooper in a nano...Read full story
Elvis Presley's Death 35 Years Ago Noted by Purring Elephants
If you thought that cats are the only animals that purr, think again. Researchers have recently reported that elephants purr too. See "The Mystery of the Purring Elephant" by Veronique Greenwood in TIME.com (August 3, 2012). A Spoof reporter who...Read full story
State of Colorado has first shark attack - ever!
Boulder, Colorado resident, Johnny Rubble, was shocked to find the Atlantic Ocean's waves lapping at the edge of his back yard. He was so happy at the strange circumstance that he decided to take a swim in the ocean which would turn out to be both h...Read full story
Football Gossip & comments 6th August 2012
Blackburn's game against NEC Nijmegen off after 'riots' (BBC Sport) I'd heard watching Blackburn had become tedious last season, but I didn't know it had got this bad. Chelsea defender Ashley Cole, 31, has ruled out a move to big-spending French giants PSG after insisting contract talks over a new deal at Stamford Bridge have not stalled. (Daily Mail) Stand by for an new chapter in Cole's a...Read full story
Football Gossip & comments 5th August 2012
Northern Premier League side Kendal United have signed a sponsorship deal with a company which makes fake beards. (Metro) Handy for the manager if he needs to sneak away without giving a press conference after a bad defeat. Celtic goalkeeper Fraser Forster has likened HJK Helsinki's artificial surface, where the Scottish champions will perform on Wednesday, to playing in a car park. (Sunday...Read full story