Selected Nottingham News for W/E 5th August 2012 + comments

Funny story written by Inchcock

Monday, 6 August 2012

image for Selected Nottingham News for W/E 5th August 2012 + comments
Increasing in popularity in Nottingham!

Monday 30th July 2012

Topic: Crime - Assault - Stabbing

"Two more teenagers arrested over West Bridgford stabbing"

Source: This is Nottingham

Extract: Two more teenagers have been arrested in connection with a stabbing of a 17-year-old boy at a party in West Bridgford yesterday.

The two 15-year-old boys will be interviewed by officers today.

Police were called to reports of a disturbance at an address in Edward Road in West Bridgford at 12.05am yesterday.

Neighbours' shock as teen is stabbed at West Bridgford house party Incident: Police search Bridgford Park

The 17-year-old victim was taken to the Queen's Medical Centre and remains there in a stable condition.

An 18-year-old man and three teenagers, aged 14, 15 and 16, have already been arrested and bailed in connection with the incident.

Comment: I fear for the future generations and the future of mankind.


Tuesday 31st July 2012

Topic: Crime - Armed Robbery

"Nottingham Community in shock after armed raid on post office"

Source: Nottingham Post

Extract: The incident happened in Bestwood Park Drive, Rise Park, at about 8.45am yesterday.

The offender - who is believed to have been carrying a gun - threatened shop staff before fleeing with cash.

He was then seen driving off on a motorbike or scooter.

A police cordon remained in place outside the shop for most of the day.

Comment: Violent crime in Nottingham? I'm amazed!

Wednesday 1st August 2012

Topic: Parking tickets

"9,000 wrongly issued parking tickets in Nottingham last year"

Source: Nottingham Post

Extract: New figures show that Nottingham City Council issued more than 61,800 parking fines last year.

WHEN Clifford Henry was given a parking ticket earlier this year it left him with sleepless nights.

The West Bridgford motorist dropped his wife off at Big City Tyres in Collin Street, Nottingham, to collect her car and claims he only left his car for a moment to see her in.

"When I returned to my car an enforcement officer came round the corner and started putting information in his handheld computer," he said.

Mr Henry said the officer asked if he was planning to buy a ticket, and he explained he was not planning to stay and drove away.

However, a few weeks later he received a parking ticket through the post, despite having not been given one on the spot.

More than 9,000 (15%) were cancelled by the council after motorists were found to have parked legally and a further 3,885 were written off after the council accepted they would not get the money for various reasons, including being unable to track down the car owners.

Comment: Hang um! Give em life! Join the Bartholomew Utterswaithe Parking Attendend's Appreciation Society!

Thursday 2nd August 2012

Topic: Crime - Drugs

"Huge drugs farm in heart of city"

Source: Nottingham Post

Extract: HUNDREDS of cannabis plants were found growing in a cellar in the heart of Nottingham city centre yesterday.

Police raided the farm beneath a building in North Circus Street and discovered 546 plants - thought to be one of the biggest hauls of the drug ever found in the city.

Comment: Drugs? Nottingham? Well well!

Friday 3rd August 2012

Topic: Crime, Trials, Sentencing

"A few sentences from Nottingham Courts"

Source: Nottingham Post

Extract: NICHOLAS Green, 22, of Southchurch Drive, Clifton, was found guilty of failing to stop after a road accident. Green had denied driving a Vauxhall Vivaro in Bramber Grove, Clifton, which collided with another vehicle and failed to stop on December 10 last year He was ordered to carry out 180 hours of unpaid work within the next 12 months and was given nine penalty points. He was also found guilty of driving without insurance, having pleaded not guilty. He was fined £150 with £625 prosecution costs and a £15 victim surcharge.

STEVEN Spencer, 29, of Rolleston Drive, Lenton, admitted possessing cannabis in Beechdale on February 28. He also pleaded guilty to possessing an offensive weapon - a pair of scissors - without lawful authority or reasonable excuse in Beechdale Road, Beechdale, on February 28. He was given a 12-month conditional discharge and ordered to pay £85 prosecution costs.

CHITTRAN Gill, 56, of Rutland Road, West Bridgford, pleaded guilty by post to exceeding the 30mph speed limit in Castle Boulevard, Nottingham, on August 7 last year. She was fined £200, had her driving licence endorsed with four penalty points and was ordered to pay £35 prosecution costs and a £15 victim surcharge.

PHILLIP Dennis, 22, of Main Street, Farnsfield, admitted using threatening, abusive or insulting words or behaviour in Clumber Street, Nottingham, on July 11. He was fined £65 and ordered to pay £85 prosecution costs and a £15 victim surcharge. He also admitted failing to surrender to custody at Nottingham Magistrates' Court on July 23 while on bail and was fined £65.

KEITH Jackson, 47, of Shaw Gardens, Clifton, pleaded guilty to possessing cannabis at his home on March 27. He also admitted producing 49 cannabis plants and was ordered to do 200 hours' unpaid work in the next 12 months and pay £85 prosecution costs.

LANCE Shaw, 24, of Tulip Avenue, St Ann's, admitted causing criminal damage to a car wing mirror in St Ann's on July 2. He was conditionally discharged for a year and ordered to pay £230.51 compensation to the car owner.

Comment: No murder trials? That's good!

Saturday 4th August 2012

Topic: Crime - Stabbing - Arrest

"West Bridgford stabbing: Eighth teenager arrested"

Source: BBC News

Extract: An eighth teenager has been arrested in connection with a stabbing in a Nottingham suburb.

A 17-year-old boy was injured in Edward Road, West Bridgford, shortly after midnight on 29 July. He remains in hospital in a stable condition.

The 15-year-old boy was arrested and bailed on Wednesday.

Seven other teenagers, aged between 15 and 18, have already been questioned and bailed. A 15-year-old boy was arrested and bailed on Tuesday.

Comment: Sad news again I'm afraid.

Sunday 5th August 2012

Topic: Crime

"Convicted nottingham burglar sought after failure to return to prison"

Source: Nottingham Police Site

Extract: Police are appealing for information to help trace a convicted Nottinghamshire burglar who has failed to return to prison. 

Glynn John Paul Brookes, 38, whose last known address was Annesley Road, Hucknall, was serving an eight-year sentence for burglary at North Sea Camp open prison in Lincolnshire, having been convicted in 2008. However, he failed to return from a period of temporary leave earlier this month.

Anyone who has seen Brookes, who is white and around 5ft 9ins tall, or believes they know where he may be is urged to telephone Nottinghamshire Police on 101 or Crimestoppers on 0800 555 111.

Comment: Well fancy that!

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more