Deaf man sues Sat Nav company
Mr Ernie Anvil took the stand today at the High court in the Strand. This 43 year old deaf man, is suing sat nav giant, TimTim in a unique case that could see the company hit with multiple lawsuits. Mr Anvil claims, that due to the nature of his d...
Read full storyFormer president Bush's pardoned Thanksgiving turkey was victim of CIA secret rendition!
Turkey that was supposedly pardoned by president Bush ends up at Guantanamo Bay. I have learned from sources too vague and obscure to be viewed as credible by the main stream media that the turkey that was originally picked to be pardoned by president Bush at the annual White House Thanksgiving day ceremony has instead been the victim of a Homeland Security/CIA secret rendition transfer to Guan...
Read full storyBin Laden background revealed
President Obama has today made his first full public briefing on the life of Osama Bin Laden prior to his execution by US forces earlier this year. Addressing the House of Representatives, members of the Senate Committee and a man in a pink gorilla s...
Read full storyHave the Time Team found ET?
Following a recent excavation in Northumberland for Channel Four's Time Team, Tony Robinson has confirmed the discovery of remains believed to be from a space craft of unknown origin. Discovered in a blast crater, the remains appear to be those o...
Read full storyLibya says it will not invade Great Britain
Military leaders in Libya, have given David Cameron an assurance that they will not invade our country despite the awkward situation between the two nations. Major Fizal Meazales of the Libyan peoples military front, was hoping the statement would pu...
Read full storyLetters To The Editor - Not Plugging 'The Dorking Review' - Honest!
Dear Editor, I must admit to becoming vaguely disturbed by a recent trend in your esteemed publication - that of the blatant self-publicising cadre of crap writers, who appear to be allowed to shamelessly promote their, quite frankly, shitty product without fear of censure. I found myself misled by this relentless barrage of propoganda, and ordered the book from Amazon. 'The Dorking Review' was...
Read full storyActon man blames Einstein for parking ticket
Acton electrician Terry Scrote has blamed celebrated genius Albert Einstein for a fixed penalty notice he received whilst parked outside a greasy spoon. "I popped in for a £4-95 all day breakfast with extra bubble, and got involved in a barney wit...
Read full storyThe Debris From The NASA Space Satellite Finally Falls To Earth - Gary Busey Said It Landed In His Downstairs Bathroom
LOS ANGELES - The speculation as to where exactly the debris from NASA's space satellite would land is finally over. The West Coast Flaming Gazette reported that they received a call from a frantic individual who resides in Venice Beach saying tha...
Read full story'Pug-ugly' royal bridesmaid's uncle up on GBH charges
London - Military Police are probing a serious assault on a humble squaddie by a Booze & Royals major whose gargoyle-faced niece was a bridesmaid in April's royal wedding. Major Nicholas Van Cutsem is accused of whipping a soldier so severely...
Read full storyIMF Explains How World Debt Crisis Is To Be Solved By "Imaginary Economics"
The institutions and regulators of the global financial system today made an unprecedented joint announcement that will change the underlying basis of the global economy. These institutions and regulators, which include the International Monetary...
Read full storyManchester City And Everton "Not Massive - But What Is It Then?"
Classification of football matches needs to be standardized and clarified according to a top observer. The call follows Sky Sports' coverage of Saturday's early match between Manchester City and Everton. City ran out 2-0 winners and went to the to...
Read full storySwansea applies to be an English City
The people of the Welsh City of Swansea are waking up today to the news that their councillors have applied to become an English city. "Well," said councillor Rhod O'Steel, putting on a fake Cockney accent (badly), "Our ffootball team is in the Pr...
Read full storySatellite falls into Pacific harming no one, although Hawaii won't pick up the phone
HOUSTON, Tx.--The UARS, the 6.5 ton pain in the rump satellite that promised to crack Earth's atmosphere, break into at least 26 pieces, and fall on us, landed into the Pacific Ocean Friday night. Luckily, no on was harmed as NASA reports that all...
Read full storyPensioners' Thoughts on Life
We thought it worth printing, as a warning to the younger generation, and an example of lousy poetry. The memory goes, most times you go into the bedroom or den, And stand there thinking 'What did I come in here for then?" You'll misplace and lose things repeatedly, again and again, Forever losing your hearing aids, spectacles and pen, You may even forget the names of the children y...
Read full storyA True Diary of Woe - Part Fourteen
A story of one man's utter failure, depression, frustration, and poverty, starting in August 1947 Chapter Twenty-Nine: The Dart team's weekend out of season trip to Southport There was 15 of us, all looking forward hopefully to sampling the Lancashire ales and lassies, as we climbed into the battered old AEC Regal coach - and set out for the 'Gladstone Pub' Darts Team Annual Outing - this y...
Read full story'Financicial Crisis Brown's Fault'
The desperate economic and financial news on a global scale is causing uneasy Bored Rooms to grumble as profits begin to sink into the lower regions. David Cameron, whilst touring Libya on the look out for Bin Laden Gaddafi spoke to reporters as shells fell around them. 'Prime Minister - don't you think you should be back at the helm in Britain to deal with the financial crisis?' I asked.
Read full storyCERN fined for faster-than-light travel
Scientists at CERN have been fined by God after one of his holy speed cameras caught them firing subatomic particles at faster than the speed of light. The speed of light is known as the "ultimate speed limit" of all matter and energy, but this is th...
Read full storySarah Palin Says The New Book About Her Is All Lies - Todd Palin Says He May Be Kissing "Snowflake" Goodbye
WASILLA, Alaska - Noted author Jebediah McGillicuddy rented the house next door to Todd and Sarah Palin's home Casa Moscow. The author spent three months doing research and interviewing over 200 Wasilla residents while gathering up information for...
Read full storyExecutive Order: Governor Rick Perry Outlaws Condom Sales In Texas
AUSTIN (AP) Late yesterday, Texas Governor and recently announced Republican candidate for President, Rick Perry, announced that he had issued an executive order that in effect, prohibits the sale of condoms in Texas. In a widely televised and in...
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