Written by Ellis Ian Fields

Saturday, 24 September 2011

image for Manchester City And Everton "Not Massive - But What Is It Then?"
A game of super-heavyweight class?

Classification of football matches needs to be standardized and clarified according to a top observer.

The call follows Sky Sports' coverage of Saturday's early match between Manchester City and Everton. City ran out 2-0 winners and went to the top of the Premier League, at least temporarily.

Sunday's game scheduled to be covered by the Sky cameras is Queens Park Rangers against Aston Villa.

Said EIF Sports Editor Thelonious Adidas: "Neither game attracted adjectives relating to their size or weight, leaving the poor lads on Sky in difficulties trying to describe them.

"Last week they found it easy. Man Utd against Chelsea was massive - so massive, in fact, it bent the very fabric of time and space. Trouble is, I heard one pundit refer to the match as 'huge.'

"Well, what's it to be?"

Adidas reckons the football authorities should get together with observers, pundits and commentators to agree a scale which should be used throughout the game.

"I heard next week's game between Liverpool and Everton described as the 'big' Merseyside derby. I suppose that's a start.

"Of course, at the top of the scale some games remain massive - Pompey against Scum, for example - while at the other end, you could have 'meh!' games, like tomorrow's QPR and Villa clash.

"But let's get it sorted, for Pete's sake."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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