Swansea applies to be an English City

Funny story written by IainB

Saturday, 24 September 2011

image for Swansea applies to be an English City
Swansea City Hall is modelled on the one in London in homage

The people of the Welsh City of Swansea are waking up today to the news that their councillors have applied to become an English city.

"Well," said councillor Rhod O'Steel, putting on a fake Cockney accent (badly), "Our ffootball team is in the Premier Lleague, which is in Englland. Also, we all speak Engllish, we use the pound and God Save the Queen."

Swansea would become the first Welsh City to become English since Chester in 233AD, and this time, without a drop of blood being spilt.

"There are lloads of addvantages to being an Engllish city," said O'Steel. "Ffor a start, we could get a motorway to Swansea. This would be a big boost for our economy, generate jobs and increase tourism. We would also llike to stop putting Welsh on all our roadd signs. It would save us a ffortune. Hardly anybody here speaks Welsh anyway."

There are some downsides for some famous Swanseans. Catherine Zeta Jones would become English overnight, having been born in Swansea, meaning sshe could no longer play on her Welshness. The same is true for BBC Newsreader Huw Edwards, who would have to change his name to Hugh Edwards and stop including Welsh stories in the news.

"I'm proud of my Welsh heritage," said Huw Edwards. "I think that it would be a bad move for Swansea to undo three thousand years of Welshness. It might not be that long, but it feels like it. On the upside, nobody can complain if I include this in the news this evening."

The final decision as to whether Swansea's application to be an English city is successful lies with English Heritage.

"We are weighing the pros and cons," said English Heritage minister, Lee Jardin. "On the plus side, they have a good economy; but on the down side, it would increase the average rainfall for England."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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