Bin Laden dead? Here's what's next.
WHITE HOUSE-WASHINGTON; Defence Administration Official Ed Bighorn has announced that a new defence strategy has been implemented in the wake of the assassination of Osama Bin Laden. The two thousand page document makes for daunting reading.
Read full storyLocal Man Has A Good Day For A Change
Accident prone local man, Martin Shuttlecock, world famous pillock, renowned for breaking bones (a thumb, anyway) splitting eyebrows, catching blisters, getting sacked from his job for being a stroppy bastard and having an undercarriage like two poun...
Read full storyDizzy World & Dubai World Announce New Seal Encounter Attraction Featuring Live Seals and Soon to be Dead Terrorists!
Dizzy World, Inc, LLC, the world wide entertainment conglomerate announced it has reached agreement with Dubai World to add to their popular sea side attraction by constructing a real live Seal encounter pavilion featuring Navy Seals practicing hunt...
Read full storyAmerican racehorses have such cool names
Churchill Downs - Awesome Northern Dancer bloodlines are part of the trophy for an anonymous UK buyer who's has snapped up Saturday's Kentucky Derby winner Animal Kingdom for a cool $50 million. "It's a present for my wife," Mr X of First Big Oil...
Read full storyPrince William And Kate Middleton Advised To Learn Proper Spanish Before California Visit
London, England - The royal couple are scheduled to visit California in July, and since California is now 95% occupied by Mexico (which the royal couple may or may not know, being from a land far far away), it is imperative that they not commit a...
Read full storyChelsea blow it and sell Torres to Accrington Stanley for a fiver!
Man Utd blew Chelsea away and they should have had at least 2 penalties to add to the score. Even though the score was only 2-1 the difference was that between heaven and hell. After pathetically attempting to revive there game by substituting Kal...
Read full storyArrivederci Chelsea - Ancelotti Off To Roma
Hot down the drain news suggests that Chelsea boss, Carlo Ancelotti is off back to his home town of La Bella Roma, and about to bid Stamford Bridge 'arrivederci.' After Chelsea virtually surrendered their Premiership title to fellow London club, M...
Read full storyLiverpool Dismiss Manchester United Achievement
As Manchester United close in their 19th league title after beating Chelsea today, top Liverpool supporters are dismissing the achievement as "nowt to write home about, dere, la!" Utd now need one more point from two games to win the title, fulfil...
Read full storyAre You Watching Merseyside? - United Close In On Title Number 19
It was billed as 'The Clash Of The Titans' and Chelsea's titans were left reeling as Javier "Chicharito" Hernandez scored in the first minute, latching onto a slide-rule pass from Ji Sung Park and coolly side-footing the ball home past a flailing Pet...
Read full storyProtests in Sheffield
Allegatons of vote rigging at the AV Referendum are beginning to emerge as several people with the job of watching out for corruption have woken up. In Sheffield protests led by angry students pointed to sacks of uncounted votes found in local toi...
Read full storyObama Commissions GM to Build 'Messiah Mobile' as He Plots 2012 'Run for Ressurection Campaign!"
President Barack Obama, supported by Wife Michelle, and inspired by the recent Royal Wedding and the awe in which some of the world's innocents hold the Pope, the one from BIG Italy, not LITTLE Italy in NYC, has directed his privately run auto fi...
Read full storyAlarm Bells Ringing In Manchester As Stoke City Destroy Arsenal
It looks like it's "squeaky bum" time for Manchester City fans as the days leading up to the FA Cup Final rumble slowly by. The casual observer could be forgiven for thinking that City have already won the cup following their shock semi-final vict...
Read full storyIt's Palin v Palin In Last-Minute Injunction Against The BBC
Monty Python star and all round (the World) good egg, Michael Palin, has taken out an injunction at the High Court this afternoon, forbidding the BBC to broadcast an already in-the-can episode of the popular family tree show, Who do you think you are...
Read full storyThe Fable of the Rich King
Once upon a time, there was a rich kingdom, whose wealth and power was widely admired and coveted. The king lived in a golden palace, ate meals from golden plates, and enjoyed golden showers daily. But enough of the cheap jokes. The king sent out heralds and emissaries to all known lands, proclaiming the greatness of his kingdom and offering friendship to whoever would welcome them. Most neighb...
Read full storyAlien visit went unnoticed
Richland, WA: It appears that a visit by space aliens in January 1992 went unnoticed by the broader public. At least this is what a group of NASA scientists claims based on some of the earlier data from the Hubble space telescope. According to the...
Read full storyCharity Begins at Home: Barack's Brother Fronts Bogus 'Non Profit', Obama Foundation; Flaunts 'Family Ties!"
Another tenet of Barack Obama's 'share the wealth' scheme was revealed today as word leaked out over the "Barack H. Obama Foundation" named after his proliferate father, and headed up by one of his many siblings, older brother Abon'go (just call me...
Read full storyBeatrice and Eugenie Stripped of "Protection', "Must Crawl Home on their Own" says Queen!
Following the furor over recent Millinery Mayhem exhibited at the Royal Wedding, the Queen has announced her disfavor by stripping 'personal protection' from the Princesses of Yuk, Beatrice and Eugenie, an act which is said will hamper their 'pub cra...
Read full storyMcIntyre May Be Asked To Fall On The Sword Of Damocles To Save Ailing Talent Show
In a sensational development today high-trousered media mogul and pop Svengali, Simon Cowell, moved to silence critics over the falling ratings of his ailing Britain's Got Talent TV show. Speaking from his luxurious barn conversion in leafy Surrey...
Read full storySNP Deny Anti English Sentiment
Victorious SNP leader Alex Salmond has moved quickly to deny that there is any anti English bias in his party. The First Minister stated : "Despite our comprehensive victory in the elections which gave us a clear majority in Holyrood, I can rea...
Read full storyPink Floyd Star's Son Admits Violence
Charlie Gilmour, son of Pink Floyd lead guitarist Dave Gilmour, has pleaded guilty to a string of violence charges during student protests in London last year. There is a strong possibility that Gilmour will get a custodial sentence. To raise funds for his son's defence, Gilmour Senior is to release an album of reworkings of classic Floyd tracks. The track listing is : The Piper At...
Read full storyMass Culling For Foot -In- Mouth Unnecessary
Scientists have advised that there may not be any need for a mass cull of at risk people if there is another outbreak of foot-in-mouth syndrome. The last foot-in-mouth occurred in 2001, leading to thousands of politicians being slaughtered in an e...
Read full storyPaul McCartney To Marry Again
Ex Beatle Paul McCartney is to tie the knot for a third time. Macca was married to photographer and vegetarian Linda Eastman from 1969 until her death in 1998 then married one legged model Heather Mills in 2002 until they divorced in 2008. A cl...
Read full storyRobot Pitcher is Latest Trend in Major League Baseball
It had to happen. With robots now in education, medicine, space exploration, science, manufacturing, and many other fields, it was only a matter of time before they invaded professional sports. And the time is now! Okay, okay, the debut of a r...
Read full storyPacquiao Wins But Ole Man Mosley Takes Him The Distance
Widely regarded as the best pound for pound fighter in the world, Manny Pacquiao, was taken the distance in Vegas by 39 year old Shane Mosley last night. The venue was the MGM Grand Hotel in Las Vegas, Nevada, and the proceedings got under way wit...
Read full storyPippin Middleton is Pippi Longstockings' Half Sister
In an embarrassing revelation, Pippin Middleton, the sister of Kate Middleton who just married Prince William of Whales, is actually the half sister of Pippilotta Delicatessa Windowshade Mackrelmint Ephraim's Daughter Longstocking, who is also known...
Read full storyPresident Obama Apologizes To Yucatan, Mexico's Green Guacamole Drug Cartel For His "Tamale" Remark
WASHINGTON, D.C. - President Obama invited a lot of Hispanic dignitaries, politicians, singers, actors, and professional baseball players to a White House Backyard Cinco de Mayo Picnic. Some of the featured guests included George Lopez, Salma Haye...
Read full storyKansas State Mascot Madness Campaign Backfires
Manhattan, Kansas - Kansas State University announced today that the ill-fated Mascot Madness Campaign will be ended after several incidents that have placed the institution in a bad public image. "The campaign's purpose was to help build pride a...
Read full storyOsama Enjoyed PlayStation in Pakistani Hideout
As new details emerged on the final days of Osama bin Laden, it has been learned that the terrorist leader's favorite TV channel was Sony's PlayStation Network, until it crashed in a recent security breach. Informed sources say the theft by hack...
Read full storyCharles and Camilla to Emigrate
The true purpose behind the recent visit to the United States by Prince Charles plus his meeting there with President Obama was revealed in a short statement issued by Clarence House yesterday. It states simply that Prince Charles and his second wife...
Read full storyFired 'Celebrity Apprentice' Playboy Playmate Hope Dworaczyk Calls Ex-Fellow Teammates Star Jones and NeNe Leakes "Bitches!"
NEW YORK CITY - The woman who was named The 2010 Playboy Playmate of The Year and is regarded as one of the top glamour models in the world stated that she was thrilled beyond belief to get fired from Donald Trump's little out-of-control reality show...
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