Scientists have advised that there may not be any need for a mass cull of at risk people if there is another outbreak of foot-in-mouth syndrome.
The last foot-in-mouth occurred in 2001, leading to thousands of politicians being slaughtered in an effort to minimise the spread of the infection, but recent analysis of transmission factors would suggest that any future outbreak can be contained by shooting only affected individuals.
These findings will come as a great relief to liberal democrats as last night's disastrous election results led them to believe that many of their candidates would be next in the firing line.
If foot-in-mouth did, however, reappear in the near future, Nick Clegg has been advised to arrange a holiday in a secret location.
