The Fable of the Rich King

Funny story written by MonkeyInTheBath

Sunday, 8 May 2011


The funny story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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image for The Fable of the Rich King
Some old king, probably not the one in this tale

Once upon a time, there was a rich kingdom, whose wealth and power was widely admired and coveted. The king lived in a golden palace, ate meals from golden plates, and enjoyed golden showers daily. But enough of the cheap jokes.

The king sent out heralds and emissaries to all known lands, proclaiming the greatness of his kingdom and offering friendship to whoever would welcome them. Most neighbouring countries were happy about this, and there was a very profitable exchange of ideas and goods.

One emissary came to a particularly poor country, which was mountainous and arid. The people in this land were pious and distrusted foreigners, especially one dressed as finely as the emissary. So they killed him.

When news came back to the king that one of his emissaries had been killed, he was saddened but also angry. He sent another emissary, and this time made sure he had a group of well-armed bodyguards with him.

The second emissary reached the poor land and asked about his fellow countryman who had been murdered. The people said they didn't know who had killed him, and they asked why he had came so heavily armed. "Is this an invasion?" some asked. The emissary denied that, but the more he denied it the more the people thought it was true.

One boy threw a rock at him, and then another. The emissary fled. For many miles a crowd of poor people chased them, throwing rocks and other objects. One of the bodyguards fell and was surrounded by the mob, who killed him. The emissary ordered his guards not to react but to get out of the country as quickly as possible.

When he returned to the king, the king was angry. The poor country had declared war on them. He asked the emissary about what had happened, and was troubled by the events. But he could not ignore the declaration of war. He sent in his powerful army and quickly forced the poor country's army to surrender. But the poor country's leader refused to concede defeat.

So the king offered peace to the country, and promised not to attack. The poor country's leader refused.

Then the king decided to ignore the poor country and hoped they would forget about things. But they didn't. At every opportunity, speakers from the poor country pointed out various social problems in the rich country. They carried out random attacks on the rich kingdom's emissaries around the world. And they constantly blamed the rich kingdom for all their problems.

So the king said, "Oh fuck it! There's just no pleasing some people."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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