Icelandic ash problem nothing to do with volcanos
In a frank admission from the Icelandic government, the Minister for the Environment, Ban Kruptdotter, apologised to airports in the United Kingdom for any disruption caused by the ash or by extremely high prices in the shops at British airports.
Read full storyRichard Dawkins weds a can of Spam
Madman evolutionist Richard Dawkins has been best known for his disregard of God and his creation and a strong belief in one of the 50 Evolution theories going around, as well as being an all-round fan of drab professor clothing . Known as Darwins...
Read full storyRyan Giggs Has Been Playing Away From Home
Salford-based winger Ryan Giggs has been playing away from home, not just recently, but for a long time, it has been revealed. These revelations were vouchsafed to us by a source close to the team that Ryan Giggs plays for. This source - namely, a...
Read full storyObama says Queen is a 'Cheap Sauce Of Brazilians'
London - Hailing the 'enduring bombs' between our two countries the US President called the Queen royal 'toast'. "Your majesty's a living witness to our lyings...alliance!" Obama droned on. "And a cheap sauce of Brazilians - er...chief source of our resilience! "Hic." The Queen just sat there fidgeting in her royal banquet seat, the lamb en croute aux oignons verts repeating on her e...
Read full storyTempers Flare In Gary Neville Testimonial Match As Juventus Beat Man Utd
It was always going to be a tense affair at Old Trafford, probably beginning when Phil Neville described brother Gary as "a knob" to Sky Sports reporter, Jeff Stelling in a pre-match interview. Having shown up especially for the occasion, David Be...
Read full storyHemorrhoid Sufferers Choose The Premiership
Recent research by medical staff at the London School of Medicine has revealed that more and more hemorrhoid sufferers gravitate towards Premiership games at the "business end" of every season - otherwise known as "squeaky bum time". Those with mo...
Read full storyIrish Airspace Closed Down After Ryanair Boss Erupts
All flights from UK airports were cancelled indefinitely after Ryanair chief executive Michael O'Leary erupted in the early hours of the morning, sending clouds of expletives and obscenities miles up into the air. O'Leary, who has become increasin...
Read full storyIceland says "sorry" about volcano
The Icelandic Prime Minister, Björky Björkysdóttir, has apologised to the rest of Europe after yet another Icelandic volcano exploded, leaving a huge cloud of ash heading towards the continent. She read the following hushed message in a video address to the EU. "We are very sorry. Normally Iceland is a peaceful land full of wonder and ice, but I am afraid that we might have frightened the littl...
Read full storyTop 5 Best American Political Gaffes of All Time
Perhaps slanted towards the last half of the 20th century and the beginning of the 21st, weighted by the preponderance of video and audio coverage from what used to be considered routine campaign speeches, the selection of the best (or worst) political gaffes absolutely has to include the following. Number 5. 1988 - Democratic Governor and presidential nominee, Mike Dukakis decided to take a...
Read full storyRyan Giggs Hits Back In Super Injunction Row
Man Utd midfielder Ryan Giggs has hit back in the Super Injunction Row by revealing that it was Lib Dem MP John Hemming who named him in the House of Commons as the Premiership player who had taken out an injunction against the media revealing detail...
Read full storySteven Tyler Is Furious That American Idol Will Not Allow His Band Aerosmith To Perform On The American Idol Finale!
LA BREA - American Idol Judge Steven Tyler was having breakfast at The La Brea Tar Pits Diner. He was asked by LaTuna LaTundra, a reporter with The Tinsel Town Times Tribune about the fact that his band Aerosmith, who was originally scheduled to a...
Read full storyMacaulay Culkin to Star in Halloween Eleven This Summer
Shaking that movie franchise tree one more time, Rob Zombie, director of the last movie in the Halloween Series, has recruited Home Alone child star Macaulay Culkin to reprise his role for one last romp with Michael Myers. Mixing holidays and movi...
Read full storyRoyal hoaxers Kate & Wills not invited to State Banquet 'in case Cherie has a hissy fit!'
London - Scrounging royal benefit impostors Kate Fiddleton and Wee Willy Wales are off the VIP list for tonight's state banquet shindig. Tony Blair's bastard son by JK Rowling and Cherie Booth's daughter by Bill Clinton are personae non grata at t...
Read full storyThe Mother of Arnold Schwarzenegger's "Love Child" Finally Speaks Out
LA HABRA - The most famous maid since Hazel has finally spoken out about her working and playing relationship with her boss and lover Arnold "The Trouser Trout" Schwarzenegger. The housekeeper who asked that her name not be used due to income tax...
Read full storyRyanair Profits Up - Warns Over Next Year: Non-Fliers To Meet Costs
Controversial budget air carrier Ryanair has reported 374m euros (£325m) annual profit - 23 per cent up on last year. The strong results, to the year ending March 31, were achieved in the face of cancellations due to volcanic ash, snow and strikes...
Read full storyLady Gaga Admits To Three In A Shed Romp
Lady Gaga admitted yesterday that she had once spent some time in a garden shed with two other people, although she drew the line at revealing the sexes of the other two people involved. It's a little known rumour that the flamboyant songstress is...
Read full storySir Alex Ferguson Gives Spoof Press Conference
Manchester United boss Sir Alex Ferguson today gave a terrific Spoof press conference ahead of Manchester United's Champions League final showdown with Barcelona. When asked if Ryan Giggs would be playing in Saturday's showcase game, Fergie suspen...
Read full storyU.S. Gasoline Falls Below $3.85 a Gallon, Travelers Temporarily Thrilled
Just in time for the Memorial Day weekend travel and the unofficial start to summer, U.S. gasoline prices have fallen below a national average price of $3.85 a gallon. Recent mandates by government officials had warned oil producers that collusi...
Read full storyCome Fly With Me, Lets Fly, Let's Fly Away!
Despite warnings from the Civil Aviation Authority and the Met Office, Ryanair boss O'Leary flew an air craft right through the volcanic ash cloud and into the volcano itself, just before lunchtime today. Before taking to the air he held a press c...
Read full story'OMG! British woman owns 95% of all US oil and gas!!' as Obama and Cameron brazen out 'essential' US/UK bollox
London - Special relationship humbug plunged new depths today as gangster first cousins Barack Obama and David Cameron spun out more 'shoulder to shoulder' crap. A Daily Smearer rant published this morning hailed their 'deep emotional connection b...
Read full storyIceland's Volcano is Proof of God Just Having a Smoke before Armageddon
Following the disappointing Misjudgment Day and associated backlash by followers who had offered their life savings to the cause, Reverend Camping, leader of the May 21st prediction fiasco, now says that the Iceland volcano eruption is proof that God...
Read full storyMaria Shriver Goes "Postal" - Mails Out 4,000 Divorce Notices!
BRENTWOOD, California - Some of Maria Shriver's very closest friends are starting to become a little concerned about the soon-to-be ex-Mrs. Arnold Schwarzenegger. Tansy "Bubbles" Stickerhazel has known Maria since their college days back at George...
Read full storyKeane Apply For West Ham Post
Award winning rock band Keane have thrown their hat in the ring for the West Ham manager's job left vacant after Avram Grant's sacking. Lead singer Tim Rice-Oxley explained : "Although we come from East Sussex, we became very fond of the Hammer...
Read full storyImogen Thomas To Meet Barack Obama And Queen Elizabeth II At Buckingham Palace
Former Big Brother star Imogen Thomas is apparently all set to meet President Obama and the Queen at Buckingham Palace this tea time for tea and custard creams on the Palace lawn. Apparently, the President and the Queen were scanning this morning'...
Read full storyJinn, introduction
Some 1.9 billion people around the world unequivocally believe in Jinn, reportedly supernatural creatures formed much earlier than Adam and Eve. Jinn are divinely divided into three classes or species: some have wings and can fly, not to be mistaken for angels; some resemble snakes and dogs while the rest ceaselessly move around like cordless yo-yos. Jinn like cholesterols have good Jinn and b...
Read full storyRyan Giggs: "I did score away from home once this season"
Manchester United footballer Ryan Giggs has hit back at critics by reminding them that in spite of his age he still manages to score occasionally. He says he is still very fit and although he is limited positionally, he has had no complaints about h...
Read full storyRooney warns Messi not to mess with him
The mind games have started! Barcelona's Lionel Messi has claimed in a Spanish newspaper that Wayne Rooney has "messed his pants" ahead of the Champion's League final showdown. England's Number one (no pun intended) has hit back on Twitter:...
Read full storyDesert Island Discs Real Favourites
Edith Piaf's Non, Je Ne Regret Rien has been the most popular song down the years for castaways on BBC radio's Desert Island Discs. The second favourite is Frank Sinatra's My Way. A BBC insider said: "It just goes to show the type of self-centr...
Read full storyAccused French Rapist Could Dance on U.S. TV
The lenient judge who freed wealthy Dominique Strauss-Kahn from a Riker's Island jail cell in favor of a marble-floored Manhattan luxury apartment may also let the Frenchman participate in "Dancing with the Stars," a popular TV show. The judge h...
Read full storySarah "Crosshairs" Palin Lashes Out At Fellow Republican Arnold Schwarzenegger And Calls Him A Gosh Darn Moose In Heat
WASILLA, Alaska - Sarah Palin was sitting out on the front deck of her Lake Lucille home Casa Moscow. She was asked by GOPicky Magazine's Amos Soursuckle how things were going between her and her eldest daughter Bristol. Palin shook her head and remarked that she had not spoken to Bristy in a few weeks ever since Bristol had told her mother that she did not want her to move in with her. S...
Read full storyAndy Murray Extremely Confident About French Open
British tennis' number One Andy Murray says he's in "better shape than ever" to under achieve in the French Open and fail to end his quest to win his first ever Grand Slam event. The 23 year old Scot is confident that, after reaching the final of...
Read full storyX-Factor Bombshell: Cheryl Cole Has Been Told By Executives of Simon Cowell's X-Factor To Break Up With Boyfriend Derek Hough
HOLLYWOOD - Cheryl Cole has had a lot of ups and downs in her life but she has never ever been told what to do by anyone up until now. According to Fuchsia Garfunkel of The Cucamonga Chit Chat Chronicle the British songstress has been flat out tol...
Read full storyRyan Giggs Not 'That Nice Young Lad' Anymore
Ryan Giggs, the Manchester United midfielder currently embroiled in a Twitter scandal, today hit the front pages of every newspaper in Britain, and has been dumped by mothers and housewives everywhere, who no longer refer to him as 'that nice young l...
Read full storyFuture News: Asians may have answer to population problem
In an as yet UN-verified bit of news, sources say that the Asian nations, of China, Korea, and others have, finally come to terms with the problem of excess population, and frustratingly high un-employment. Sources, within the Communist Party, hav...
Read full storySarah "2012" Palin Buys A $1.7 Million Home In Scottsdale, Arizona
SCOTTSDALE, Arizona - The town of Scottsdale which is located between Phoenix and Mesa will soon be the home of none other that the "Grizzly Mama" herself Sarah Palin. The former governor of Alaska has been hinting that she wanted to move to Alask...
Read full storyLennon Delighted With 3 Year Contract
Glasgow Celtic have rewarded manager Neil Lennon with a 3 year deal after the club won its first trophy in 2 years by beating Motherwell 3-0 in the Scottish Cup Final. Chief Executive Peter Lawwell announced the news this morning before the Scotti...
Read full storyLIKE Becomes a Baby's Name; other Techno Terms Surface as Names
Parents-to-be were intrigued recently when they learned that an Israeli couple had named their baby girl LIKE. Yep, like it or not, that's what they chose. In an article on Ynetnews.com, it's stated that the couple just happen to prefer unique names and weren't necessarily naming her after Facebook's LIKE button. But still -- their choice DID spark a survey to find other techno names in...
Read full storyUK Bans XXX Squirting Videos While Americans Laugh, FAP, Reupholster.
Fresh from England, the country that can't figure out how to merge cold and hot water in one tap, or safely install electrical outlets in a bathroom, comes the news that all pornographic "squirting" movies are banned in the UK, claiming that, instead of showing female ejaculation, it is in reality depicting "golden showers" or "Piss-Play"(1). "Since the NHS(2) has reported that there is no such...
Read full storyNew Scotland Yard investigation a red herring?
Here is an interview with Chief Superintendent Hamish McSporrin leading the recently re-opened investigation of the Maddie McCann case by Scotland Yard. In line for a knighthood some say, Mr.Sporrin, a graduate of Edinburgh University, was once a director of MI5. The investigation was launched by Prime Minister David Cameron. Q: The British public are of course paying for this investigation so...
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