Lennon Delighted With 3 Year Contract

Funny story written by grimbo

Tuesday, 24 May 2011

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Glasgow Celtic have rewarded manager Neil Lennon with a 3 year deal after the club won its first trophy in 2 years by beating Motherwell 3-0 in the Scottish Cup Final.

Chief Executive Peter Lawwell announced the news this morning before the Scottish press :

"Celtic FC are delighted to announce that they have secured the services of manager Neil Lennon for the next 3 years.

Although negotiations have been continuing for a number of weeks, the final details were only agreed this morning after the cup final celebrations calmed down".

Its understood that the deal could have been concluded some time ago but there were a number of sticking points between the parties.

Lennon wanted an annual allowance of £2000 built in to his contract to cover the cost of a pair of Zeiss Victory RF 10X45's, the Rolls Royce of binoculars, which would optimise his viewing on the numerous occasions he was sent to the stand.

The club held firm and eventually Lennon backed down and accepted a revised allowance of £1500 which would cover the cost of the slightly inferior Leica Ultravid 8 X 42 HD set.

But the former Northern Ireland international midfielder got his way in negotiations on the level of personal security that the club would continue to provide for the manager.

Lennon was eventually promised a personal bodyguard for the whole of his contract. Up until the last minute, Celtic had only been willing to provide a high collared Gieves & Hawkes raincoat, a DelMonico fedora and a lifetime's supply of dark glasses.

That could have been the deal breaker.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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