Anfield Revival Still On Track Despite Tottenham Defeat Says King Kenny
Kenny Dalglish was last night insisting that his Anfield revival is still very much on track, despite the Reds going down 2-0 at Anfield to Tottenham Hotspur. A cracking first half volley from Rafa Van Der Vaart, and a second half penalty conversi...
Read full storyObama Signs Entire Codex Alimentarius Into Law, Outlawing Bullsh-t Holistic Nutritional Supplements
President Obama, fresh from his 'I Killed Bin Laden' victory lap around America, has been called out by an Examiner.web "writer" for making the entire text of the Codex Alimentarius, the Necronomicon of food safety guidelines into Federal law. The fo...
Read full storyBob Dylan Caves-in to Chinese Censors...Agrees to Revise Set List for His Asian Tour
Bob Dylan's ongoing Asian tour was almost stopped dead in its tracks yesterday, when Chinese censors disapproved of some of the legendary singer's songs. At first, Dylan resisted changing any of his classic tunes to pacify Chinese officials. But a...
Read full storyStar Wars Star Confesses To Super Injunction Scandal
A leading member of the cast of the sci-fi movie Star Wars has tonight admitted that he is the actor who obtained a super injunction against Wayne Rooney's Prostitute. The star, who has thus far refused to comment on the matter, posted a Twitter...
Read full storyStarkers-trek II: The Wrath of Madame Strauss-Khan
Paris - "Zees feelthy 'oneytrap!" is how Anne Sinclair - aka Mme Dominique Strauss-Khan - put it today as news of her spouse's naked hotel romp suddenly went viral. The IMF CEO is charged with gross sex acts including one of going 'where no man ha...
Read full storyChristopher Hitchens Cured After Praying to Mother Teresa
Atheist writer Christopher Hitchens has reportedly been cured of cancer after praying to Mother Teresa. Hitchens' cure, if accepted by Catholic Church authorities as miraculous, could ultimately pave the way for Mother Teresa to be canonized as a...
Read full storyConfessions of Spoof Writer Lady Godiva-including her aversion to the word 'tits' but not to the word penis.
Spoof Writer Lady Godiva recently confessed that she has an absolute dislike for the word 'tits'. She can say, arse, fart, penis and other stuff but hates saying 'tits'. This came to her notice (she hadn't thought about it before) when she accepted the role of 'Mavis', the lead in a local amateur production of the stage play, "Steppin' Out". Lady G. worked hard to teach the non-tap dancing...
Read full storyArsene Wenger signs Nincompoop
Arsene Wenger has his beady eye on Nancy FC defender Cedric Nincompoop. The Gunners manager is desperate to reinforce the spine of his team with some much needed Gallic muscle. Hangdog Wenger has come out with guns blazing after criticism that hi...
Read full storyPremier League Star Takes Out Super Injunction Following Missed Penalty
A Premier League footballer, said to be a household name, has taken out a super injunction following a missed penalty. The star feared that if it was reported it might harm his chances of securing a new lucrative contract. Super injunctions have b...
Read full storyAstrologers rubbish Harold Camping's May 21 Armageddon rant
London - An octogenarian US preacher's terrifying May 21 Judgement Day vision is little more than a classic Uranus/Saturn opposition psychosis. That's the consensus among astrologers who are reminding the public that Harold Camping's botched Septe...
Read full storyArsenal Booed Off At The Emirates As Fancy Dress Villa Fans Celebrate
Arsenal supporters really got the hump with their team, their manager, and the directors at the Emirates as the Gunners crashed 1-2 to Aston Villa in their final home game of the season. Two Bent goals decided the issue, apparently. Disgruntled...
Read full storyChelsea COULD well win Premiership according to small print in EPL rules book
Chelsea, it appears, COULD still win the Premiership, according to a little know rule in the EPL rules book. Apparently, if a team fails to turn up for the game they forfeit 12 points. This could be the break Chelsea needs. Although this has ne...
Read full storyJohn Terry Insists Chelsea Can Still Win The Premier League
Sources close to Chelsea skipper John Terry say that he still insists that Chelsea can go on to lift the Premiership trophy from under the noses of Manchester United if the Blues win their final game of the season. Despite it being a mathematical...
Read full storyMakeup-less Pippa Middleton a dead ringer for Demi Moore
Madrid - "Actually, the neck's a lot less chunky than Demi's," Fortuna nightclub revellers commented today, "and that sculpted backside could be Justin Beiber's! "Any chance Pippa is Demi Moore's secret little brat?" Pictures this weekend of Ms...
Read full storySpoof Writer and NY Mets Fan Petitions MLB to Take Over Stumbling, Debt Ridden Franchise!
Disgruntled Spoofer, and fanatic Met Fan Gail Farrelly says she's finally 'had enough' after it was announced the besieged club will now begin paying washed up player Bobby Bonilla $1.2M a year for 25 years as part of his deferred compensation plan.
Read full storyGovernment steps in to solve Nation's 'Fiver Shortage'
The problem of there being a constant shortage of five pound notes in circulation is finally to be tackled by the government. The problem has been mainly caused by the reluctance of banks to include plenty of five pound notes in the cash withdrawals...
Read full storyVoting in Eurovision Song Contest claimed a fix by Stoke City football club chairman
Voting in the Eurovision Song Contest has once again come under the spotlight as Peter Coates, chairman of Stoke City football club, who were defeated in the 2011 FA Cup final, claims voting in the event is a complete farce. And entertainment pund...
Read full storyNorthern Man Handed 10 Year Jail Term For Being Friendly To Strangers In London
Now that he's safely behind bars and reporting restrictions on the case have been lifted, it can be revealed that northern man, Eric Whippet, from Bolton near Manchester was sentenced to ten years in prison earlier today at The Old Bailey. In a ho...
Read full storyIt's Not Like He Was Screwing The Global Economy 'defence' in Strauss-Khan sex case
New York - Echoes of a Little Cock, Arkansas waitress' tongue-in-cheek apologia over Bill Clinton's Lewinsky escapade come to mind this weekend. News that IMF CEO Dominique Strauss-Khan has been charged with 'a criminal sex act, attempted rape and...
Read full storyChicharito mugged by Two Extremist Hoodies!
Blackburn, UK, 14.05.2011: After yesterday's not so epic final chapter in the Premier League title in Blackburn, 1-1, and after the penalty most fans fell asleep, it seems a serious incident happened as Chicharito left the ground. Chicharito was o...
Read full storyHarry Potter To be Saddled With £30,000 Debt On Graduation - Shock!
Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry is causing a stir in the supernatural world by being the first centre of learning to charge the full £9,000 tuition fees to its students. Headmaster, Albus Dumbledore, told the press, "We're simply puttin...
Read full storyDanni Minogue Quits As X Factor Judge
The future of the X Factor has been thrown into confusion by Danni Minogue's last minute decision to resign as a judge on the programme. Minogue has had to withdraw as the X Factor schedule clashes with her commitment to appear as a judge on Austr...
Read full storyMubarak's Wife Has Heart Attack
Deposed Egyptian leader Hosni Mubarak's wife Susanne has suffered a suspected heart attack after being arrested for her part in an alleged corruption case. Ex President Mubarak has also been receiving hospital treatment for a heart attack after co...
Read full storyMink Safe Haven Project Begins
The first ever initiative to provide a safe haven for minks has begun in the West of Scotland. The Scottish Mink Project has been given £1 million to provide a safe area and shelter for thousands of minks and chavs in Glasgow. Large aerodrome s...
Read full storyBritney Spears Clearly Shows That She Just Ain't The Same Old Britney Spears
LOS ANGELES - Britney Spears appeared on Jimmy Kimmel Live and showed the entire viewing audience that the person that everyone once knew as Britney Spears has certainly left the building. Spears appeared on stage with a dozen or so dancers and mo...
Read full storyLucifer Chairs Bilderberg Conference
The annual Bilderberg meeting comprising the most powerful men on the planet is currently under way at a secret location in Italy. This conference draws up and implements policies for ruling the world. Resolutions are voted on and passed to world leaders. A Bilderberg conference conceived and launched the EEC. Chairing this years meeting is Lucifer himself. Hence the manic secrecy concerning wh...
Read full storyDominique Strauss-Kahn to star on 'locked up a broad'
New York - Dominique Strauss-Kahn planned to star on the American T.V. program 'locked up a broad', according to the show's producer Mr. Roadbay. "He wanted to be locked up abroad, so he locked up a broad. Locked her up in his room with him act...
Read full storyThe Truth As To Why The Former Star of 'Friends' Matthew Perry Decided To Check Into A Rehab Clinic
LOS ANGELES - Matthew Perry starred as Chandler Bing on the hit comedy Friends from 1994 to 2004. And he admits that he got spoiled. He told Tequila Tallyho of The Left Coast Mirror Magazine that he immediately went out and bought a fancy sports c...
Read full storyBristol "The Pistol" Palin Talks Openly About Her Very Personal Female Surgery
MARICOPA, Arizona - The eldest daughter of Todd and Sarah Palin, Bristol "The Pistol" Palin has just announced that she recently had some highly private crotch region surgery done. Bristol sat in the kitchen of her Maricopa, Arizona home and talke...
Read full storyMuppet Porn Ring Exposed
After over 40 years, disturbing footage of a pornagraphic nature has been discovered that implicates many of the Muppets. The films were found in the personal effects of Mr. Harold Hooper, the original Sesame Street shop owner. Most of the show...
Read full storyDominique Strauss-Kahn 'head' nabbed on 'maiden fight"
New York, N.Y. - The Frenchman who 'heads' the International Monetary Fund was nabbed off a plane in New York for allegedly molesting the 'head' of a Manhattan hotel maid today according to police in N.Y. Dominique Strauss-Kahn met New York's fine...
Read full storyPippa Middleton has been approached by QPR to be their spokeswoman because she has a cute arse. (Pardon the language)
Apparently, Pippa has been approached by QPR management to be their official spokeswoman. They want to 'grab' her before any other football clubs pick up on the idea. When asked how she felt about this, Pippa commented, "Well, I am honoured...
Read full storyCuban parade against homophobia
Cuba has a new genetic cleansing program to eliminate homosexuals. They plan on getting rid of homophobia to bind homosexuals closer together. The new national socialist party in Cuba has discovered that Gays can transfer their DNA to a new gener...
Read full storyCity Warn United - The City Is Ours - We're The Top Boys Now
Jubilant Manchester City supporters streaming out of Wembley yesterday, had one message for big time Charlie neighbours, United: The new kids are taking over the block. Following City's 1-0 demolition job over the mighty Stoke in the cup final - t...
Read full storyManchester Utd & City Triumph - A Town Celebrates!
Manchester witnessed a huge party last night following its double football triumph. Manchester City fans were celebrating winning the FA Cup just a couple of hours after United had secured a record-breaking 19th league title. Such a double succ...
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