Afghan Pull Out! Karzai Announces Corporate HQ Move to Chicago. Obama Declares Victory!
Following 'unexpected' reports issued today that the Afghan Campaign has been a complete waste of lives and the squandering of Billions of dollars, CEO Hamid Karzai of Karzai Inc, LLC, announced he would be relocating the family corporate offices t...
Read full storySarah Palin Replaces Bristol with Lady Gaga; Plans to Use New Daughter as Her Opening Act
Sarah Palin announced today that she is disowning her daughter Bristol and replacing her with Lady Gaga. The move is seen as an indication that Palin is about to seriously pursue the Republican nomination for president. "America is undergoing grea...
Read full storyThousand of fans leaving Man. U. to support Man. City
Sadly thousands of Man. U. fans are fed up with the behaviour of some of their Prima Donnas and held a jersey and scarf burning ceremony last night outside the club grounds. Many were already wearing their newly purchased Man. City Jerseys and...
Read full storyPalin Proposes Monarchy for America!
When the media arrived at Governor Sarah Palin's new home in Arizona this morning, it was in anticipation of a major news story. They were not disappointed! Sarah Palin took the make-shift podium in front of her new home and stated, "I am proposin...
Read full storyUnemployed elephants go on rampage in India!
A group of renegade, unemployed elephants have caused havoc in the Indian city of Mysore. The reason for the rampage is that they have been made unemployed because the local authorities have stopped logging and the elephants were either being forc...
Read full storyCharlie Adam Set For Shock Move To Wigan - Snubs Liverpool
Sources close to Blackpool playmaker and Liverpool transfer target, Charlie Adam, are indicating that the Scot will reject overtures from Anfield, and move to Wigan instead. It is thought that Wigan is closer to Adam's home and therefore a more lo...
Read full storyFox hunting To Be Banned Again
The government announced yesterday that it is to completely ban fox hunting for a six month period from next month in order to preserve the species. Many people are currently under the illusion that the hunting of foxes is already outlawed within...
Read full storyGerman E.coli Invade Poland - France Next!
Officials in European capitols are in a near panic today as German E.coli have crossed the border into Poland in an sudden and unprovoked attack. "Nearly every toilet in the country has been destroyed," said Alphonsus Liguori, a plumber in Warsaw...
Read full storyIsle of Wight News - All The Fun of the Unfair
With the Isle of Wight Festival gathering all of the headlines at the moment, the Ventnor Carnival and Funfair has failed to hit the spotlight yet again. "We've had a carnival and funfair every year for the past three hundred and ninety two years,...
Read full storyHarry Redknapp Offloads Peter Crouch To Liverpool - Targets Balotelli
Latest news from the Lane suggests that Liverpool officials are close to negotiating a return to Anfield for Peter Crouch, and that Spurs intend to use the money in part payment for tempestuous Italian hitman Mario Balotelli, who has been told he can...
Read full storyComparison website crash
After the news hit that fuel prices were set to soar by fifteen percent in the coming weeks, BBC One magazine show, The One Show advised that all their viewers should go online and get hold of a fixed term contract for their fuel for as long as possi...
Read full storyObama's BlackBerry Seized in Widening 'Weinergate' Scandal. Michelle 'Shocked!"
A source within the secret service is reporting today that just before dawn an armed Congressional Team from the House Ethics Committee (HEC), swooped in on the White House and confiscated President Obama's Blackberry under a Federal Seizure Fatwa pa...
Read full storyMexican drug cartels running out of room to store cash
MEXICO CITY, Mexico - A confidential source, Mr. X, with close ties to the Mexican drug cartels here, has revealed that it is becoming difficult to find new places to stuff bills. "The cartels blame QE2. They say it is resulting in too much money...
Read full storyA New Orleans Weatherman States That If A Hurricane Hits New Orleans The Mississippi River Will Flow Backwards All The Way Back Up To Minnesota
NEW ORLEANS - Algonquin Brewtiddle one of the most respected weathercasters in the South recently spoke with reporters about the Mississippi River and the recent flooding. Brewtiddle said that he entered all kinds of weather facts, information, an...
Read full storyIt's Official! Sarah Palin to Run in the Belmont Stakes
Sarah Palin, the firebrand republican ex-Governor of Alaska, has decided to run, and she hopes, win the prestigious Belmont Stakes. The Belmont Stakes, a thoroughbred horse race that will be held this year on June 11th at Belmont Park in Elmont,...
Read full storyTaste the "glitz and glamour" of Hollywood, or enjoy VIP treatment through U$ Homeland Security.
Los Angeles Docks, California, USA: With the United States having the record for the most stringent and thorough security and entry requirements in the world, with 12 million illegal immigrants roaming around in the country, tensions were running hi...
Read full storyBum Wars Break Out As Carol Vorderman Pips Pippa Middleton In Rear Of The Year Awards
Bottom fanciers across the length and breadth of Britain were up in arms, and waging internet fora flame wars, as rival factions posted comments relating to the award of the 'Rear Of The Year' title to former Countdown mathematrice, Carol Vorderman,...
Read full story'Galaxy Quest' moment as CERN boffins recreate Star Trek anti-matter warheads
Switzerland - Astrophysicists at Switzerland's CERN Institute have replicated anti-matter warheads first debuted on a Star Trek episode in 1966. A report on the Beeb TV news channel broadcast an excerpt on Monday night showing Captain Jim Kirk ord...
Read full storyAnti-Matter 'Missing' From Universe Is Found
Cosmology's biggest mystery has been solved due to pioneering work at CERN. The Big Bang Theory predicts that the universe should contain equal quantities of matter and anti-matter. The fact that only matter had been observed led cosmologists to a...
Read full storyFIFA turn down offer to have Hurst shirt displayed in Wembley tunnel
A recent offer by the owner of the No.10 England shirt worn by Geoff Hurst during the '66 World Cup Final of allowing it to be displayed in the tunnel of Wembley in the hope that it will inspire players to perform better as they run out onto the pitc...
Read full storyLive Feed Of Garbage Disposal Had More Viewers Than 2011 MTV Movie Awards
According to this week's Nealson Ratings for cable television, the 2011 MTV Movie Awards were beaten out by a live feed of someone's garbage disposal in Griffin, Ga. It seems that the popular movie awards show lacked the star power that it usually ha...
Read full storySong: "Boredom"
Another one of my ambiguous rhyming prose thingys! You know how artists try to perceive life as someone else? Well this is me trying to do that. No need to panic, or call a psychiatrist. But for God's sake don't tell my mother. She's a fiscal and social conservative. "Boredom" Got some ropes, Got some ropes, Empty ropes. Empty mind. With nothing to hide. Bored outta my mind, Playin...
Read full storyAndy Murray and Wayne Rooney swap hair
Wayne Rooney has entered the hair transfer market after his implants failed to sprout. The Manchester United footballer has made an audacious bid to buy Andy Murray's hair. Murray had originally offered his hair on a 3 month roll over loan de...
Read full storyGerman Health Minister Sacked After E Coli Blunder
Germany's health minister Daniel Bahr has been sacked after making a horrendous blunder prior to a press briefing on the current e coli situation. Bahr was to be giving a keenly awaited update on the crisis that had led to various produce, includi...
Read full storyCrotch: Sensational Photos!
Today we publish sensational photographs of a crotch thought to be that of a famous celebrity. Several well known people have denied being the crotcher and annoyed gardeners are furious that their cloches have been photographed by paparazzis eager fo...
Read full storyX-Factor presenter Dermot O'Leary taking RyanAir's Michael O'Leary to court
The presenter of popular premium rate telephone number television programme "X-Factor", the suited and booted Dermot O'Leary, is suing RyanAir's Michael O'Leary as a result of the number of times he's been attacked by members of the public thinking h...
Read full storyCameron launches New Tory Party
David Cameron has launched the New Tory Party which has taken over from the old discredited one - as assessed by the Daily Mail and the Murdoch empire. From now on Law'n Order will be a top priority. With a tough policy thousands more layabouts an...
Read full storyMoscow Plans Bomb-Proof Public Toilets
Moscow authorities are to install public lavatories that can withstand a terrorist bomb blast. The move follows a spate of Islamist terrorist attacks on the Russian capital in recent years. And in a city where winter temperatures can fall to we...
Read full storyFA to Organise annual Footballers vs Mistresses match
It was the final straw for the FA to find out that Ryan Giggs is the latest Manchester United player to bring the reputation of football into a black day. The FA however, have finally found a solution for this and will allow unannounced affairs to be...
Read full storySFA Vote For Radical Changes
The chief executive of the Scottish Football Association Stewart Regan has praised the courageous decision by all 93 member clubs to vote for radical changes to the way that the game up north is run. At the annual general meeting at Hampden yester...
Read full storyWimbledon Finals To Be Shown On 3D
Andy Murray's failure to win this year's Wimbledon final will be shown live in 3D. The men's and women's finals will for the first time ever be available to consumers with BBC 3D and HD channels . Murray said : "Its very exciting to think th...
Read full storyMan United Legend Ryan Giggs Is A Socks Addict - Family Devastated
People close to Manchester United footballer Ryan Giggs, reluctantly admitted that Giggsy is a socks addict, and urged him to seek treatment as a matter of urgency, before his addiction finally gets the better of him. Although never aired publicly...
Read full storyK2 Expedition Called Off At Burnley Bus Station
An ambitious plan by a group of unemployed men from North East Lancashire to ascend the world's second highest mountain, K2, was reluctantly called off yesterday evening at Burnley bus station. The 28 expedition members, along with 84 Sherpas, fro...
Read full storyLady Gaga Reveals That She Has a Lasciviously Lustful Crush On Charlie Sheen
BOISE, Idaho - Lady Gaga who is definitely a one-woman travelling carnival sideshow has confided to one of her back up singers that she finds Charlie Sheen to be quite an intriguing individual. Gaga was in Boise visiting the infamous One Potato Tw...
Read full storyKatie Price Not Back In The Headlines - Not Even In The Daily Star!
Fans of Katie Price, the publicity hungry, pneumatic former page 3 model and reality TV star, have been expressing grave concerns recently, because their heroine hasn't been hitting the headlines recently, despite her best efforts. Many fans thoug...
Read full storySavoy Drunk - CCTV Footage Goes Viral
CCTV footage showing a series of drunken mishaps experienced by a reveller after being ejected from a theatre party at London's plush Savoy Hotel, has gone viral on the internet, generating up to a million hits an hour! Sources reveal that the man...
Read full storyThe Zetas Cartel strikes with lethal force
The Zetas Cartel set a massive wildfire which forced evacuations from towns in the eastern part of Arizona and threatened society with flames. The flames were so massive they pushed towards New Mexico. Los Zetas Cartel are a group of highly traine...
Read full storyObama Orders Troops to Defy Gravity
Washington,D.C. - President Barack Obama, sporting a noticable puance and an impressive set of man-boobs,has warned the nation that "the evil force of gravity is conspiring against the United States." He then vowed that he would use every possible me...
Read full storyLarry O'Mara Given an Honorary Harvard Psychology Degree
Cambridge MA: Larry O'Mara the owner of Larry's Bar and Grill, a working class tavern in this city, was presented an honorary PHD degree in psychology by Harvard University. The degree was in recognition of Larry's counseling people in his establishm...
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