The Zetas Cartel strikes with lethal force

Funny story written by Kid Icarus

Wednesday, 8 June 2011


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"The Zetas can have anything they want from me."

The Zetas Cartel set a massive wildfire which forced evacuations from towns in the eastern part of Arizona and threatened society with flames. The flames were so massive they pushed towards New Mexico.

Los Zetas Cartel are a group of highly trained gunmen who were former Army Special Forces and now includes former federal, state, and local police officers, as well as ex-Kaibiles from Guatemala.

A letter was sent to the Arizona police from the Zeta Cartel. The letter goes as follows, "This is the Zeta Cartel speaking and we wish the Arizona police a happy Christmas. The one thing we ask of you is this, please help yourselves by not investigating our organization. We are finding it extremely difficult trying to hold ourselves in check and we are afraid we will lose control again and take more actions. The Arizona wilderness will be on fire by the time you receive this letter as a reminder of the power of Los Zetas."

The Zetas Cartel made a phone call to the fire department in Arizona to tell them that the fire they set was called the "Wallow Fire." The fire burned across the Arizona wilderness and the Apache National Forest. It has grown to 233,000 acres over a one week period. The fire set by Los Zetas is the third-largest in Arizona's history. The Zetas have forced 5,000 people to flee their homes.

Thousands of firefighters are struggling to end the blaze as hot winds whip the flames across tree tops and hot glowing embers travel like miniature demons in the high winds looking for fresh timber to set ablaze. The fire has destroyed several ranches in its path.

"This fire is moving fast. It will do whatever it wants," said Arizona Gov. Jane Steward.

Police officials in New Mexico set up a command center in Luna, a mountain village of around 250 people founded by Mormons. From Luna they are trying to communicate with Los Zetas to negotiate a treaty to prevent future wildfires in Arizona.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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