It's Official! Sarah Palin to Run in the Belmont Stakes

Funny story written by Asheville Jack

Wednesday, 8 June 2011

image for It's Official! Sarah Palin to Run in the Belmont Stakes
President Obama, seen here, encouraging Sarah Palin's competition days before the race.

Sarah Palin, the firebrand republican ex-Governor of Alaska, has decided to run, and she hopes, win the prestigious Belmont Stakes.

The Belmont Stakes, a thoroughbred horse race that will be held this year on June 11th at Belmont Park in Elmont, New York, will be Sarah Palin's first attempt to win an actual horse race.

The race, the third and final leg of horse racings Triple Crown, follows five weeks after the Kentucky Derby, and three weeks after the Preakness Stakes and annually draws a massive television audience of over 25 million.

As one Republican strategist pointed out Elmont, NY is less than 200 miles from the crucial political battleground state of New Hampshire. "Running in the Belmont Stakes puts Sarah Palin ahead of her competition should she decide to enter the New Hampshire primary. Winning the race would do wonders for her image as a bumbling knuckle head and give her a certain cache that the other non horse race winning candidates lack," said Chet Willow of the New Hampshire Republican Party.

"At first I didn't think I'd have a realistic chance of winning, but I have a plan," said Palin, adding that entering the race has already caused a lot of media buzz as she travels the northeast on a bus tour.

Rumors inside her camp say that to improve her chances of winning the arduous mile and a half race against some of the world's fastest horses Palin is going to challenge all those foreigner South American jockeys to produce their birth certificates right before the race. "You know they'll scatter like roaches with the lights on. By the time this mama grizzly gets done with those jockeys I'll be the only one left in the race. I'll be coming down the home stretch - the dirt a-flying all by myslef," said Palin.

Palin said she was looking forward to running the race. "The election seasons now are just too long and cost hundred of millions of dollars," she said, adding that the change to win and give a victory speech before a live crowd of 100,000 people was so exciting and too good an opportunity to pass up. "My time may not be the fastest but all that matters is that I come in first, right? And this time I won't have that loser McCain slowing me down like the last time"

The early betting odds out of Las Vegas put Sarah Palin at 100 to 1 on even finishing the race, let alone winning it. Surprisingly these were the same odds of Palin becoming the first female Vice President in 2008.

In a related story Sarah Palin has now challenged Newt Gingrich and Mitt Romney to a game of 'horse' basketball. Romney has challenged Palin and Gingrich to a game of Monopoly, and Gingrich has challenged both Palin and Romney to a game of spin the bottle.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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