Van Gogh's Missing Letter
In a hen hut in Arles Southern France has been found a missing letter signed Vincent Van Gogh. It was never posted to his brother but it makes for enlightening reading. Here are a several extracts to be published tomorrow exclusively by the famous art periodical Conn-Fusion published by Bloomsbury and edited by Christopher Little. "Dear Theo, First of all, thanks for the paints and...
Read full storyRepublicans Repeal Obama-backed Plan to Stop Supervillain From Taking Over New York
WASHINGTON, D.C. - The Metropolitian Protection and Supervillain Offence Act, signed into law a year ago, has been repealed by all Republicans. The law, which would offer aid and protection in case any major urban area were to come under attack by...
Read full storyIdiot Does Really Well For Himself
In Britain, an idiot has done rather well for himself, and his achievements offer hope to other idiots who might similarly aspire to do really well and get on in what passes for the world, in Britain, or elsewhere. The idiot appeared on a rather splendid TV Series early last summer, in which he was able, by virtue of having no responsibilities or experience, to look rather good in some jolly in...
Read full storyGok Wan to help at Malvern Well Dressing
After hearing that Malvern in Derbyshire was to have a Well Dressing contest, Gok Wan, TV's campest clothes designer (and that is saying something), packed his handbag and showed a clean pair of Gucci heels as he headed up the M1. According to loc...
Read full storyLoudmouth Idiot In Class Epitome of Freedom of Speech
BIRMINGHAM - David Smith, 16, is the perfect example of freedom of expression in action. The youngster, whose freedom of speech is guaranteed and written in the UN Declaration, the EU Bill of Rights and other documents, is a keen exerciser of this...
Read full storyRobert Pattinson: Kristen Is A Natural Born Vampyre!
In the forthcoming Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn movie Kristen Stewart's character Bella will be transformed from vapid vamp-lover to bona-fide bloodsucking beauty. In short, Bella becomes a real born-again vampyre, writes Teen Vampyre Sex Fantasy Correspondent, Camilla Le Fanu. And her co-star in the billion-dollar bounteous bloodlust bonanza, the world's hottest hunk of hot hunky horror hunk h...
Read full storyWintery Storm forces Snatch.web to Declare Force Majeure and To Consider Bankruptcy Protection
Sarajevo- Janos Vaginespenilli, CEO of SNATCH.web, parent company of TITSRUS.web, GYN4FUN.web,RECTALBLISS.web and ANYTHING4PERVS.web, held a press conference to announce suspension of all payments to creditors, pending a meeting of his Board of Direc...
Read full storyMore Embarassing Wikileaks Expected
The US has briefed a number of foreign governments, including the UK, about the possible release of more diplomatic files by whistleblower site Wikileaks. The state department said the release of diplomatic cables would "create tension" between US...
Read full storyDavid Cameron and Pete Doherty Caught in Morrissey Moment of Madness
Pete Doherty and David Cameron have been caught on Utube enjoying a moment of Morrissey Madness in a French Train Station Newspaper shop. The moment began whilst both David Cameron and Pete Doherty were innocently waiting in a queue to buy a new...
Read full storyMubarak Enlists Help from Premiership
Under pressure Egyptian President Mubarak has taken the unprecedented step of turning to sources in Tyneside in a desperate attempt to extend his 30 year reign in the troubled country. Having found it increasingly difficult to control events on th...
Read full storyDog Whisperer To Film Bubonic Plague PSA
In attempt to stave off worldwide pandemic, Cesar Milan will begin filming a public service announcement (PSA) warning of the dangers of getting too close to your pet. The PSA is in response to a recent report from the University of California,...
Read full storyLiverpool Celebrates As Gary Neville Calls It A Day
The city of Liverpool erupted in party mode today following the announcement by Manchester United and England defender Gary Neville that he is hanging up his boots. For good. A lifelong United fan who made 602 appearances for the club he loved,...
Read full storyObama ponders Pyramid Scheme rescue of Egypt; Bernard Madoff demands immediate Presidential pardon!
Washington - (Ponzi Mess): Convicted scammer Bernard Madoff is hoping for a get-out-of-jail-quick card amid reports of a White House rescue for Egypt. A new Supreme Court appeal says his ponzi scam is entirely kosher when compared to Egyptian 'Pho...
Read full storyQueensland are now being hit by a cyclone proving God don't like Aussies!
After suffering the most terrible flooding in the history of Australia, Queensland are now being battered by a cyclone! The poor inhabitants of the state really don't know which way to turn after having their homes flooded, their belongings ruined...
Read full storyRent payment issue leaves judge in quandary
In what is sure to be remembered as a most bizarre situation, a local renter seeks a conviction against a landlord. The issue, before the Illinois court is whether City Housing Authority has the right to evict tenant Joseph Wilson on a charge of a...
Read full storyMeteorologist Has Epiphany: We Don't Need No Stinkin' Groundhogs
Unlike most meteorologists in the United States this morning who couldn't wait to tell their viewing audiences that groundhogs have predicted spring would be coming early this year, Pittsburgh Meteorologist, Brian Storm went in a completely different...
Read full storyTop Gear crew hate Mexican cars and Mexican food but love tequila!
Outspoken Top Gear presenter, Jeremy Clarkson and his team have been accused of blatant racism by the Mexican Ambassador in London. In one of their shows they decided to "chilly-hot-up" relations between London and Mexico by offering their general...
Read full storyMP's To record old hit songs!
The Spoof Gazette scoop, reveals that the Government and opposition Cabinet members has come up with an idea to make up their losses, due to having their expense fiddlings limited now that it is being monitored by their fellow crooks in the Government, and they must be more careful not to get caught. It has been proposed that members record a cover version of previous hit records, to be release...
Read full storyBrave Britney Spears announces Femme Fatale album release in March
Britney Spears is well known the world over for not being afraid to take risks, so it logically follows that Brit has pulled all the stops out and and truly laid her life on the line in order to release her new album, Femme Fatale on March 15th. T...
Read full storyJ.Lo Accentuates Best Ass-ets on American Idol to Steal Attention from Steven Tyler
"The gloves are off," says a spokesperson for American Idol, referring to the sparring match Jennifer Lopez has challenged co-judge Steven Tyler with. Lopez claims Tyler is stealing the thunder from her unofficial come-back and, while she normally wo...
Read full storyCAUGHT! Microsoft Busted in Google's Bing Sting, Says Self-Righteously Hypocritical Banner-Ad Monopoly
Microsoft, the software publishing company that literally invented anti-piracy tactics, was caught with their hands in Google's cookie-jar, when MS's little-used search engine, Bing, was discovered copying results from Google - the self-proclaimed 'd...
Read full storyMiley Cyrus Responds To Recent Nude Photos By Saying That They Were Outsourced To Pakistan
CABO SAN LUCAS, Mexico - Miley Cyrus had flown down to sunny Mexico to get away from the hustle and bustle of the Land of "Quiet on the set." She checked into the Pancho Villa Resort Villa for two days of chillaxing and relaxing in the hot Baja Ca...
Read full storyThe Derek Hough and Cheryl Cole Fairytale Romance Appears To Have Hit A Sour Note
HOLLYWOOD - The word coming out of Tinsel Town is that the much ballyhooed relationship between England's X-Factor sweetheart Cheryl Cole and America's Dancing With The Stars fan fave Derek Hough may have hit a sour note or four. Bedroom Pillow Ta...
Read full storyMurdoch Fires Self
LONDON - At a press conference today, Rupert Murdoch had fired Rupert Murdoch. "I believe that the old fogey is behind the times," Murdoch said. "His attitude is not compatible with the modern. Which is why, with regret I must let Murdoch go."...
Read full storyBoffin Breaks Wind So Violently He Combusts
Scientists in Bolton were stunned this morning when leading 'Fartologist' Leonard Crapper literally evaporated from the laboratory they were working in. Colleague Marty Neebianco explained, 'Len was a maverick,he always said that a really violent...
Read full storyEgyptian Military say "Mine is Bigger than Yours"
During the ensuing peoples action in Egypt, the military have taken a fatherly role in observing interaction between the differing support groups. A General said "It's not often a sibling (the people) will grab your appendage of power (Tank) and s...
Read full storyTravel Agency Announces Cheap Vacations to Egypt
Renowned travel agents Tom Chef Travel, in an attempt to salvage the Egyptian tourist season, is offering myriad inducements to the travelling public. Representative, Sir Gitalong Arsewipe, announced that starting tomorrow a one-week vacation to...
Read full storyCNN Anderson Cooper Flashed By Dyspeptic Dromedary In Cairo: Calls Camel's Unit "Freakish"
Cairo Egypt - Intrepid CNN reporter, Anderson Cooper, reported today that 50 to 60 men riding camels charged him while he was dutifully reporting the actions of a mob rioting in the public square in Cairo. He stated that he was pummeled by 10 men af...
Read full storyIsle of Wight News: Panic as Newby village's snow shovel goes missing
Arthur Askme, still mayor of Newby village, is up in arms today as the village's snow shovel has disappeared. Village policeman, Constable Copper, held a press conference this morning. The snow shovel has a wide, orange, reinforced plastic blade...
Read full storyLocal Man Narrowly Escapes Euthanasia in Nursing Home Identity Mix Up!
Local man and good samaritan Melvin Wordsmithe narrowly avoided death, or worse, during a recent visit to the local Nursing Home where he and stalwart Therapy Dog, Bear, provide weekly visits to the infirm of mind and body. Melvin had a sense som...
Read full storyStoned in Cairo
Many people got stoned in Cairo, Wednesday - but the vast majority of them weren't smoking drugs! They were getting stoned, with real stones and lumps of concrete in the traditional sense, as pro and anti-Mubarak supporters clashed in the vicinity of...
Read full storyQueen Elizabeth, Susan Boyle and Spoof Writer, Lady Godiva to go on shopping spree for wedding frocks
Lady Godiva, Spoof Writer, has been invited to go on a shopping spree with Queen Elizabeth and Susan Boyle this month. Queen Elizabeth, an avid reader of the Spoof, and a special fan of the 'female' Spoof writers, heard that Lady G's eldest daught...
Read full storyKe$ha and Satan Teaming Up
According to music industry sources, pop singer Ke$ha is teaming up with Satan to produce what insiders predict will be the most annoying pop single in history. The song is said to be so insidious and that most people who've heard it have already...
Read full storyVincent Tabak - illegitimate descendant of Prince Albert from wrong side of blanket
It is recently been revealed from a new book about Queen Victoria and Prince Albert that a young lad known as the "Boy Jones" witnessed Prince Albert "in flagrante delicto" with a young Flanders princess. German born Albert of the house of Saxe Coburg was a young prince at the time who had only been married to Queen Victoria for a few months. In 1836 the young lad the "Boy Jones" developed a fix...
Read full storyAncient Taoist prophecy says 'Queen will be dead on Chinese New Year's Day'
Forbidden City - (Fortune Cookie): She's earned the mighty Jade Emperor's wrath with decades of humbug portraying a continuous near 60-year reign. That fiction is now exhausted as the combined farces of the Sun, Moon, Mars, Neptune and Mercury ali...
Read full storyTaylor Lautner Caught Ogling Lady Gaga's Crotch Region
GREEN RIVER, Wyoming - Lady Gaga performed to her 97th straight sold-out crowd. This time she was at The Cowboy Britches Auditorium in the state of Wyoming home of free roaming buffaloes, dysfunctional black bears, and confused flamingos. The Gree...
Read full storyDeirdre Wins Acting Award At Last
Fantastic news just in for all coronation Street fans and in particular fans of Deirdre Barlow. The actress, played by Anne Kirkbride quickly earned a reputation for having a scratchy voice and rather large glasses. What also emerged was the fact th...
Read full storyLunchtime diner suffers an 'Andy Murray' say paramedics
Paramedics were called to a prestigious Australian restaurant yesterday after what appears to be a diner suffering from an Andy Murray fit. One patron dining at the time said: 'This guy seemed to struggling to finish a piece of steak when he seeme...
Read full storyPiano could be a bomb says Homeland Security
Florida's Biscayne Bay area of Miami is being evacuated and cordoned off by counter terrorist forces as I write following information received by Homeland Security leading to strong suspicions that the piano on the sandbar out in the bay is in fact...
Read full storyLady and The Tramp Slam Humans
Lady, cinema's famous Cocker Spaniel and international pet advocate, has weighed into the recent research findings that humans who sleep with their pets can catch their diseases. Flanked by her rascally consort, Tramp, the voluptuous canine pant...
Read full storyThe American Irrespective: President Obama's Good News, Bad News, and, More Or Less, Worser News (So Far)
Good News: The good news is we're moving forward. And, are quite prepared to proceed even further. Provided, of course, unilateral efforts of others, that, till now, exist in a number of equally strategic locations, are accompanied by thoughtful intentions that don't otherwise interfere with the progress till now, and, at least from our perspective, the systematic, never-ending supply of enti...
Read full storyPunxsutawney Phil Shot By "Shotgun" Sarah Palin
GOBBLER'S KNOB, Pennsylvania - The world's most famous weather predicting varmint has gone to that groundhog hole in the sky. Punxsutawney Phil, 121, had just barely poked his sleepy old head out of his hole on Groundhog Day when a shotgun blast r...
Read full storyPossible JJB Sports and JD Sports merger referred to Competition Commission over the letter J
Talks between high street rivals JD Sports and JJB Sports regarding a possible merger have been held up by a referral to the UK Competition Commission. The concern is that a merged company would control the majority of the Js in the UK sportswear ma...
Read full storyMexican ambassador not a fan of Top Gear
The Mexican ambassador has decided to write to the BBC Top Gear program following Sunday's comments and we have the actual letter. It was received by executives just yesterday however here is a copy;- Hey Gringos, On Sunday I am told you make fun of our Mexican ways, our food and our stay awake times, but let me tell you Gringos you are being very wrong. Since I work in UK I taste your c...
Read full storyWaterford Falls Off The Map - Crap Journalism Horror
Four years after a Waterford man successfully campaigned to get his home town included on a TV station's weather map, it has disappeared again and a news organisation has failed to find out why. Cian Foley was annoyed that TV3 weather bulletin map...
Read full storyVincent's Evil Twin Brother
On a snowy, December evening there was a cold, clinical murderer waiting for Jo Yeates in Cannnynge Rd. The slim, tall handsome young man had very short greying hair; and a pair of rimless spectacles. The taciturn, stern appearance of the man with the steely, blue eyes would send a chill down any young girl's spine. The serious young man was the secret, genetic-clone double of Vincent Tabak.
Read full storyMubarak's Serendipity Seven
With President Mubarak of Egypt being the latest politician to trip over his suitcase full of money; He has recently contacted five other middle east Political Leaders who have amassed their millions and are now footloose.... The disenchanted lead...
Read full storyBhutan Monk Arrested
A Buddhist Monk in Bhutan has been arrested for smuggling tobacco into the country. Tobacco based products have been illegal in Bhutan since 2005. Jigm Dorji, a state sponsored Buddhist Monk was found with two kilos of tobacco and was arrested for po...
Read full storyMidsomer Murders: Barnaby Farewell Blighted by Family Row
Millions of viewers will tune in to tonight's Midsomer Murders to watch Chief Inspector Tom Barnaby's final case unaware that a family row has almost wrecked the farewell celebrations. Barnaby is retiring from Causton CID after umpteen years inves...
Read full storyPunxsutawney Phil Spotted Working At Pennsylvania Wal-Mart
Punxsutawney, PA - In a sign of the times, Punxsutawny Phil has been laid off due to budget cuts, and will miss this year's Groundhog Day festivities for the first time in over 40 years. Last month, in an attempt to reduce the city's budget defici...
Read full storyNina Dobrev and Ian Somerhalder of "The Vampire Dairies" Spotted Nuzzling Below The Santa Monica Pier
SANTA MONICA - Two of the stars of The Vampire Dairies took advantage of the beautiful February springtime weather and visited the Santa Monica Pier. Nina Dobrev and Ian Somerhalder spent the afternoon enjoying themselves after having spent seven...
Read full storyThe Real Reason Why Elton John Purchased Dorothy's Red Slippers That She Wore In 'The Wizard of Oz'
WEST HOLLYWOOD - Elton John and his husband David Furnish visited America to show off the brand new addition to their family little Zachary Hickory Dickory John-Furnish. The proud pop and pop first visited New York City where they were the guests...
Read full story14-year Old Boy Goes on Masturbation Strike
A 14-year old boy sick and tired of tax evasion from Bollywood starlets, America's reluctance to adopt the metric-system, and Indonesia's crackdown on porn has decided to go on a masturbation strike. Vikram N Malhotra Jr. has vowed to stop playing wi...
Read full storyMadonna and Taylor Momsen To Record A Duet Under The Name - 'The Old Beaver & The Young Raccoon'
BROOKLYN - The star of CW Television's Gossip Girl Taylor Momsen was in town on a photo shoot using the Brooklyn Bridge as a backdrop. Tay-Tay as her gynecologist calls her, is the national spokesperson for Zits Away Cleansing Sticks and is also t...
Read full storyRodell Vereen and Barbara Kenley smell like horse shit
LEGAL LOONY FARM- A South Carolina court house that sentenced a black man to prison for having sex with a horse refused to press charges against the same man for having sex with three young white males that were housed in the same prison cell where...
Read full storyJunky Violinist Banned From BBC Radio 3 Forever
A well known violinist has been banned from BBC Radio 3 Forever. The announcement was made on Tuesday just hours after he gave a disastrous live rendition of Vivaldi's Four Seasons...and was caught shooting up Heroin in a stationery cupboard. T...
Read full storyGeorge Bush Reveals Daughter Was Adopted
George W. Bush revealed yesterday that his daughter, Barbara Bush, is in fact adopted. A publicist for the former president posted a statement on Bush's Facebook page: "President Bush adopted Barbara from a San Francisco couple as a newborn. She...
Read full storyStedman Graham Breaks Up With Oprah Winfrey Shocking The Talk Show Queen And Her BFF Gayle King
CHICAGO - Stedman Graham and Oprah Winfrey have been together for over twenty years. The public relations executive first proposed to Winfrey back in 1992, 18 years ago. Since then he has been asked roughly 5,000 times when he and Miss O are going...
Read full storyJerry Seinfeld photographed picking nose; to appear on Oprah in the near future
Well, Jerry Seinfeld cannot get out of THIS 'PICK'. He was recently photographed 'picking his nose in public'. Jerry was in the offices of a famous plastic surgeon last week and was photographed, by another prospective 'patient', picking his nose...
Read full storySarah Palin Is Asked To Appear As A Contestant On 'Dancing With The Stars' And She Replies "You Betcha!"
WASILLA, Alaska - Lately Sarah Louise Palin has been keeping a low-profile and staying pretty close to her 'Iceberg State' home Casa Moscow. The ex-governor of Alaska and 2008 GOP vice-presidential candidate told her longtime friend and confidante...
Read full storyUp The Buses! - Part Three
Act 2 Scene 1 Interior - Blakey's office. Inspector Blake is sitting at his desk reading from a sheaf of paperwork. His expression is one of incredulity. He is talking to himself as he reads... BLAKEY - Hurrrr! Hurrrrr! They've gotta be 'avin' a larf innit? Sick? Sick? Eighteen staff I've got off on the sick right now. Not one of 'em's genuine. I'll 'ave em. I'll 'ave the bleedin' lot of 'em...
Read full storyGold Man Sacks Little Guy
New York: Just while stocks reached record highs in the Great Recession, investigators revealed today they discovered the secret formula of Gold Man Sacks (GMS): 2+2=5. According to investigators, GMS trained its employees to turn two 2s into 5. GM...
Read full storyJudd Apatow Admits He's Two Jizz Jokes Away From Being A Farrelly Brother, Disses Ricky Gervais
The once-clever Judd Apatow, who let everyone know that we had no f--king right to expect Golden Globe nominees to act like they had a sense of humour, disses Globes host Ricky Gervais --and admits that he is two ejaculate jokes away from becoming an...
Read full storySarah Palin Detained In Mexico On Drug Charges
Fomer VP candidate Sarah Palin has been arrested in Tijuana, Mexico, and is being held in a Mexican prison, without bail, on drug trafficking charges. Palin was allegedly caught trying to smuggle 300 million doses of synthetic oxytocin. The prescri...
Read full storyRetired Belgian Mountaineer And Vole Expert Surprised By Dutchman In Dutch Barn
A retired Belgian mountaineer, expert on voles and author of seminal study "A Longtitudinal Comparison of the Old Thatched Barns of Holland and Belgium" experienced a significant degree of surprise yesterday, while he was examining a Dutch barn durin...
Read full storyWidowed La Jolla Lap Dancer Leaves Schnoodle 1.3 Billion Dollars
Liz Scarlet-Rust, widow of oil billionaire, C. Edward Rust, died last week at the age of 28. She and her husband lived happily together for three months prior to his passing. They met at Cheetahs last September where Liz was an exotic dancer. The...
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