Widowed La Jolla Lap Dancer Leaves Schnoodle 1.3 Billion Dollars

Funny story written by Dr. Billingsgate

Wednesday, 2 February 2011

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Little Geyser Gets Even

Liz Scarlet-Rust, widow of oil billionaire, C. Edward Rust, died last week at the age of 28. She and her husband lived happily together for three months prior to his passing. They met at Cheetahs last September where Liz was an exotic dancer. They fell in love while she was giving the elderly oil man a lap dance.

C. Edward, as he was called by his cronies, never had time to settle down and get married. Oil was his love, and he had a knack for finding it. At age 87, realizing that he might be missing something, he went to the bank and withdrew a 1000 dollars in ones, knowing that was what the the girls yearned for. His driver, a distinguished man of color, dropped him off at Cheetahs with orders to check on him every hour.

Well, C. Edward got what he was looking for; a 3 minute lap dance special. Although winded, he stuffed a handful of George Washingtons into her scanty bikini bottoms while proclaiming his undying love for her. Although Liz Scarlet did not know C. Edward was a billionaire at first glance, she caught on quick enough when they drove back to his mansion overlooking the Pacific Ocean.

He proposed and the Rusts became united as husband and wife. Three months later C. Edward died happily in the saddle, leaving Liz Scarlet his entire estate. Sadly, last week, Mrs. Scarlet-Rust, hardly a widow for 30 days, joined her husband in heaven. Friends say that she died of a broken heart.

With her death, C. Edward Rust stipulated that the remainder of his estate go to his Schnauzer-Poodle mix, Little Geyser. Some say that Little Geyser might have had something to do with Liz Scarlet's death, being that she took the disgruntled dog's place on his master's lap.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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