Junky Violinist Banned From BBC Radio 3 Forever

Funny story written by Katarina Frogpond2

Wednesday, 2 February 2011

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Damien "Vivaldi" Diablo's career careering down the plughole?

A well known violinist has been banned from BBC Radio 3 Forever. The announcement was made on Tuesday just hours after he gave a disastrous live rendition of Vivaldi's Four Seasons...and was caught shooting up Heroin in a stationery cupboard.

The 20 year old violinist, who goes by the name of Damien "Vivaldi" Diablo, was thought to be the next Nigel Kennedy, but many now fear that this latest disaster will put an end to his blossoming career before its even begun.

Experts in the field of classical music are said to be unsurprised by this latest event in the colourful musicians life. But many of them are also saying that BBC3 really should have known about the lifestyle of this musician before they invited him on the show.

Damien became well known in the classical music world at the age of 11 when he was the youngest person ever to study music at New York's Juliard School of Performing Arts. He went there to study the Cello, but came away with a violin and a heroin habit.

He then went on to play solo violin with The New York Philharmonic orchestra. He didn't stay there very long, though, because shortly after his appointment, he was mysteriously dismissed.

The same thing happened with the London Philharmonic orchestra and the Berlin Staatskappelle Orchestra, but both orchestras refused to give a reason for his dismissal.

Gossips on the classical music scene claimed that everyone knew that Damien had problems...and some very interesting friends. He is said to have partied till dawn all over Europe with many a rock star, and been seen in the company of models who were known to be heroin addicts.

All rumours about heroin use were denied in 2009, and several Newspapers were sued for thousands of pounds. But Damien is said to have continued chasing his dragon friend in secret, right up until last Tuesday when he finally got caught.

An insider at the music agency that Damien is registered with says "Damien is very annoyed about what happened because it means he will now have to pretend to go to rehab. That means his career will be stalled for 90 days and he really needs to get back on tour. He says heroin isn't cheap. He needs to keep touring to pay for his addiction. He will be suing the BBC for loss of earnings due to BBC 3s archaic attitude to drugs. He's sure its covered by the European human right act. If its not, then he'll sue someone else. He really needs the money."

By Katarina Frogpond

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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