Vincent Tabak - illegitimate descendant of Prince Albert from wrong side of blanket

Funny story written by dutch

Wednesday, 2 February 2011


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The Royal Bloodline of Vincent Tabak

It is recently been revealed from a new book about Queen Victoria and Prince Albert that a young lad known as the "Boy Jones" witnessed Prince Albert "in flagrante delicto" with a young Flanders princess. German born Albert of the house of Saxe Coburg was a young prince at the time who had only been married to Queen Victoria for a few months. In 1836 the young lad the "Boy Jones" developed a fixation about Queen Victoria and he kept sneaking into her bedchamber and on one occasion he even managed to purloin a pair of the royal bloomers.

When asked why he kept breaking into Buckingham Palace he said that he had always wished to meet Queen Victoria. He would manage to steal into the palace and he would pass unnoticed around the palace and even sat beneath her throne. The boy was able to hide himself behind the velvet curtains or in the little dressing room which was part of Queen Vic's rooms.

One day the Boy Jones saw a handsome young man in military uniform seducing a young Flemish Lady in Waiting. The snoop heard Prince Albert speaking in German to the pretty young girl. The stalker had hidden himself in a large walk in wardrobe where there were lots of coats and capes hanging. Prince Albert took off his military jacket with its gold embroidered epaulets and his hussar Prussian blue trousers. The pretty, young courtesan blushing as she was caught trying on one of Queen Vic's elaborate ball-gowns by the gallant Albert. He said, "Think nothing of it my dear, I won't say anything to my darling Queen if you give me a kiss". The charmingly, blushing young girl; opened the wardrobe to hang up Vic's ballgown and put away a jewelled tiara. She also hung Albert's Prussian blue military hussar uniform. At the same time she hung her own modest rose coloured, velvet cape. This was fur-lined and had the name Marie Tabak embroidered inside the collar of the cape. The tidy young miss practically hung up her cape and sprigged gown and Albert's military uniform and spurs. The couple then made mad, tempestuous love in their royal bedchamber. Fertile Albert was to go on to have nine bouncing babies with Queen Vic and one illegitimate one with the Flanders princess. The young lady-in-waiting was sent back to Flanders in disgrace when it was discovered that she was a virgin no more.

The stalker had sketched a remarkable daguerrotype likeness of Prince Albert as well as sketching him and the charming Marie in their bliss kissing in the four-poster bed.

The "Boy Jones" was questioned about why he had kept invading the Royal bedchamber. He was found once with a pair of ladies knickers when he was exiting the bed-chamber. The bloomers however where not of silk but of an inferior Dutch cotton; and had the name 'Marie Tabak' embroidered in them by her old beldame in Flanders. The Boy Jones was interrogated by Sir Robert Peel and asked how he had purloined the bloomers and what had he seen. When the ingenuous lad disclosed what he had seen; the politician informed Disraeli. The Prime Minister had a fit of apoplexy and sent an urgent telegram to his friend the Justice of the Peace. It was feared that the Boy Jones would tittle tattle and tell of how he had seen the Prince Albert's royal prick in action.

The powers that sent the Boy Jones to Botany Bay fearful of the royal prince Albert's peccadilloes being exposed by the young snooper.
It was feared he would spill the beans and upset the royal marriage and bring disgrace to the Royal House of Saxe-Coburg.

Marie Tabak travelled back across the sea from Dover to the Hook of Holland. She was smuggled by her blood family into a convent of Protestant nuns who looked after her during her pregnancy. When Marie was safely delivered of a healthy baby boy she called him Vincent and was passed off as a young widow and was subsequently married off to a wealthy Flemish landowner. The young son was the first Vincent Tabak and he was the Great-Great Grandfather of Vincent Tabak. The news was backed up by forensic tests on the metrochondrial DNA which were extracted from the bloomers which were in the police archives. It had been mistakenly been reported that the bloomers were Queen Victoria's and the truth which would have been like dynamite in Victorian England never came to light until now. The DNA of Vincent Tabak was run through the police computer and a cross reference with DNA from the garment held in the police archives linked it to the criminal case of the Boy Jones.

As for Boy Jones he never disclosed what her knew; he had been scared out of his wits by the Victorian Justice of the Peace and told he would be 'done away with' if he ever breathed a word of what he had seen.

It is fascinating that murder suspect Vincent Tabak is related to both the English Royal family and the German Royal family as well as all the crowned heads of Europe. Genaeologists have said that even though Tabak has a Royal pedigree he can make no claim on the land or wealth of the the House of Windsor as he was the illegitimate son of a lady-in-waiting. However, blood is thicker than water and his blood is genetically the same of Prince Albert's and evil scientists have stolen some phials of his blood and are hoping to clone him for financial gain.

It is an irony that Tabak's blood shows no signs of haemophilia which is only passed down the mother's blood line. He is free of haemophilia and insanity which is prevalent in Queen Victoria's bloodline. Vincent Tabak's blood is from Prince Albert side of the family. Incidentally, Prince Albert, was illegitimate and hence his blood and genes were strong and healthy as were farmer's daughter Marie Tabak. Vincent Tabak is a strong, healthy descendant of the Saxe-Coburg family without the genetic weakness of the Royal family. Historians and genealogists are thrilled by recent discoveries of this ancient bloodline. It would never have come to light if it was not for the little known story of the Boy Jones and his fascination with Queen Victoria and Prince Albert.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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