Gene Simmons only thinks he has had sex with over four thousand women
Legendary womaniser and guitarist with legendary rock group Kiss, Gene Simmons, has claimed that he has slept with four and a half thousand women over his legendary forty year rock career. "At his height," said former manager, Hans Christian Ander...Read full story
Charles vows to stop shagging sheep in 2012; 'Bah, Humbug!' say Badger Face Welsh Mountain rams
Wales - Their distinctive eye-framing black stripes continue from chin to belly and nether regions beyond ending in an anal 'x marks the spot' for the visually impaired. The flock's 1979 prenup with Charles guarantees certain conjugal rites in per...Read full story
Dogs Rules for Christmas
1. Be patient with your humans during this time. They may be more stressed-out than usual and they will appreciate long comforting dog cuddles. 2. They may come home with large bags of things they call gifts. Do not assume that all the gifts are yours. 3. Be tolerant if your humans put decorations on you. They seem to get some special kind of pleasure out of seeing how you look with fake an...Read full story
Deal reached between scientists and politicians on global warming
Beijing - After much 'heated' debate, contributing five tons of carbon dioxide to the atmosphere, scientists and politicians have reached an accord on Global Warming, according to our reporter on the scene. According to reports, city dwellers swe...Read full story
Eman al-Obeidy to do a spread for Hustler
According to World News Exclusive, Eman al-Obeidy struck a deal to pose nude for Hustler magazine. Al-Obeidy's mother stated that she is fine with the photo shoot for the magazine and "I hope it goes well". Obeidy's rep nor Hustler has confirmed the...Read full story
Amir Khan Magnanimous In Defeat
It was a cracking fight in Washington DC, which had the pundits back in London drooling, as Lamont Peterson wrested two world title belts from Bolton lad, Amir Khan, who apparently lives just down the road from roly-poly Bolton funnyman, Peter "Garli...Read full story
The Los Angeles Lakers Trade Lamar Odom To The Dallas Mavericks - His Wife Khloe Kardashian Says He Ain't Going
LOS ANGELES - Lamar Odom, the Los Angeles Lakers sixth man, or rather former sixth man is now Lakers history. The 6-foot-10-inch basketball player, who also stars in the E! Network cable reality show Lamar & Khloe, is needless to say one very...Read full story
Another 'Marchioness' disaster in the making as anti-terror cops slam 'sitting duck' Jubilee barge
London - It's already been dubbed 'HMS Titanic' as security pros weigh up the 'witless toff' behind its design. The brainchild of the 7th Marquess of Salisbury the Queen's Diamond Jubilee barge 'Spirit of Tart Hell' was unveiled today despite anti...Read full story
David Cameron divorces Nick Clegg and is now in love with the other Nick!
The marriage between Nick Clegg and David Cameron is over after a massive argument about with whom which bed Nick wants to share. David, in a jealous tantrum, demanded that Nick should only jump into bed with Brit bimbo's. Nick, half Dutch, demanded...Read full story
All Night Sitting Leads to Climate Compromise
The planet was on the brink of survival in Durban as delegates sat up all night before coming to a compromise. They agreed to go to sleep and UN Ambassador to the conference praised the delegates for sticking to their guns until the last moment.Read full story
Gene Simmons of KISS Says Madonna Has No Business Performing At The Super Bowl Because She Lip Syncs
HOLLYWOOD HILLS - KISS bassist Gene Simmons who stars in the cable reality show Gene Simmons Family Jewels has really fired off quite a volley at Madonna who has just been selected to perform at the upcoming Super Bowl XLVI (46). Simmons spoke wit...Read full story
Discarded bales of Euros found behind large German bank
MUNICH - Hans Snortlebuntof, a well known artist in the city, has leaked to the press that he has constructed his next work of art, to be revealed Jan. 2, 2012, entirely out of 1000 Euro bills. Three tons of them. According to investigative repor...Read full story
An Apology from God
What can I say? I am The Almighty God who is more commonly known as "The Big Cheese". I am not perfect I've made some mistakes in my infinite time being God, but it's not like I ever had any guidance or education to prepare me for being God. I pretty much had to wing it on the fly. For an infinite period of time, me being God, pretty much nothing happened. My first idea and attempt at anyth...Read full story
Nottingham Pensioner Injured by Christmas Shoppers!
A Nottingham Pensioner, Inchcock Chambers (65) has been injured in the Victoria Shopping centre, whilst struggling to walk through (he had no money for any purchases) the shopping mall, amidst the packed early Christmas shopping crowds. Medical at...Read full story
Kim Kardashian Will Be Starring In Her Own Reality Game Show Called "Okay So Who Wants To Be My Next Hubby?"
LOS ANGELES - The word out of Tinsel Town is that the Bravo Network has several producers already working out the final details for the latest reality show from the B Network. Network Director of New Shows Axton P. Splitboro, 43, informed the ente...Read full story
Nottingham News for W/E 10 Dec 2011 - with comments
3 Dec 0211: Ambulance paramedic 'Inhaled laughing gas' while at the wheel The Nottingham Evening Post He was based in Derbyshire, has now been suspended from the Health Professions Council register for misusing Entonox while on duty. Entonox is a mixture of nitrous oxide - or laughing gas - and oxygen, and is also known as "gas and air". "You've got to laugh!" 3 Dec 0211: Police need...Read full story
Michael Jackson alive?!
Santiago, Chile. In developing news, reports are emerging of the late Michael Jackson appearing in public, attending theatre shows and generally being sighted on numerous occasions. On at least one occasion, he was seen purchasing coffee at the Starb...Read full story
X-Factor's Rachel Crow To Appear With Nina Dobrev and Ian Somerhalder In 'The Vampire Diaries'
LOS ANGELES - The producer of the top rated cable show The Vampire Diaries was watching X-Factor when 13-year-old Rachel Crow was eliminated. Manolo Middlezuck says that he was amazed to see the pixie little singer standing up and saying that she...Read full story
Mourinho Goes Home And Kicks The Cat Up The Arse
Breaking news suggests that a Real Madrid source last night revealed to Barcelona coach Pep Guardiola, that Real boss Jose Mourinho went home after last night's match at the Bernabeu and kicked the family cat up the arse in frustration. Mourinho's...Read full story
British Crop Circles
Crop circles have blighted the British landscape for hundreds of years and there is NO DOUBT whatsoever that although many are obviously put there by hoaxters a tiny minority of them are obviously made by God (or at least by one of his buddies). Okay my guess is that you're thinking that my theory probably holds no weight whatsoever but I don't know you and you don't know me so let us leave it...Read full story